Self inconsistency is one of the worst aspects of life

[Life sucks]

I hate how inconsistent and unstable is the brain, everyday is different, there is no stable thing as "self". Someone hungry is very different than the same person when they're full. One who want to sleep is different than who just woke up.

It's just a mental torture. If there is no consistency, then one can't really control themselves and its just a variable. Then comes the brain chemicals thing and the complex and endless things that mess the brain and control what people are. Brain is really one of the worst and shittiest designs in the body and I'd rather die than have this piece of shit of an organ making me suffer everyday in countless and unimaginable ways.

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

Yes. In the morning I may feel fine and wonder why I've been so dramatic lately, but by nightfall I'm sobbing and slitting my wrists from the heartbreak. The change can be so abrupt.

I'm tired of being up and down. I crave more consistency. Am I getting better or not? Am I getting over him or not? Is this life worth living or not? I don't want to feel like I'm recovering after a couple good days, just to burst into tears because something reminds me of him…yet here I am. My mental health feels so slippery.

They say recovery is a process and that things get better, but all this up and down makes everything feel hopeless. I always end up sliding back into misery, so what's the point of trying anymore? Why not end things once and for all?

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. It can be horrible being trapped in this human body as it can torture us. More than anything I wish I was never born, I wish I never had to experience life at all.

 

[Istanbulite]

Well put.

 

[jimmy7754]

The morning is the worse for me.. I think I'm on the edge now.. my educated brain is just spiraling out of control.. feeling pathetic that I haven't did myself in yet.

 

[allesistgut]

it's very tiring that i can never seem to fully understand myself and that i'm always switching between emotions.