Self-Harm

[kogos]

Do any of you self-harm? Not in a CTB/wanting to find peace way...but in a wanting to inflict pain on yourself way? For me, I hit myself with objects. Not often. But when I kinda lose my head, I take a hard object and hit it against my face and end up with a real good black eye. It hurts but also feels good, in a strange sense. I haven't cut before...the blunt force punching, etc. has been my go-to.

Just curious if any of you have these unhealthy coping mechanisms and how you work through them, if you do.

 

[johnny]

To be honest, I've never understood the point of self harm. It's not going to kill me, so what's the use?

I don't judge anyone who does it though, we all have those weird things we do that others might think are strange or whatever. For example, I can sit in front of a mirror for an hour inspecting my face, arms, torso for any potential blackheads I can squeeze out. My upper body definitely is in worse shape from my constant barrage of picking than it ever would be if I just left it all alone. Luckily I have developed enough self control to leave my face alone except for the ones I know I can get. I'm sure anyone reading this, who doesn't also do this, would think I am pretty strange or whatever for doing so.

 

[Retched]

Yes. I scratch my back, create scars and keep scratching them so they don't heal. It's awful. Never did that before. I guess it's some sort of release.well it's more like picking.... idk.

 

[AveryConure]

I cut and end up hitting myself until I get bruises all over my arms and legs. I don't do it as much as I used to, cause I had too many people wonder about my scars way too often and trying to think of excuses got exhausting.

 

[anonymous23x]

My reason was because I got so far academically and still i was a failure, i was letting myself be spoken like a donkey by an unfaithful girl...

I disrespected myself so much that i believed i needed to hurt myself. I'm so far from the man i wanted to be, i worked sleeplessly to be something better than the failure that i am now.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

I used to, although I haven't in 10 months. I didn't want anyone else to find out, so I had to force myself to stop, otherwise people might see the scars in the summer or get suspicious if I didn't want to go to the water park or whatever. And eventually the urges went away, I don't have them anymore. I also used some of my training to stop self harming. I wish it was also effective on the reasons why I want to ctb, but mostly it just made me over think everything.

 

[leaps]

I don't like to but I hit myself from time to time

 

[GeorgeEastman]

In high school, I punched myself in the head all the time. It felt good and people enjoyed watching it. I beat the hell out of myself. Maybe I've got CTE. Nevertheless, I'd say it was worth it.

It was a hell of a rush being able to pound myself in the forehead and somehow it felt so good. By my senior year though, it started to give me headaches. Had to quit.

 

[SelfishMom]

Yes, I cut to punish and hurt myself.

 

[TheRiverStyz]

Sorry for the novel. TL;DR started cutting pretty young, now cut my stomach with razors.

I started cutting at 11 years old. I came home from school one day and just felt so angry and sick of everything (I was relentlessly bullied throughout school). I grabbed a decorative porcelain plate on my nightstand, smashed it on the floor, and without thinking, I picked up the sharpest piece and slashed my wrist open. There was so much blood. I waited, thinking that I would die (foolish little girl I was), but eventually the bleeding stopped, I cleaned it and bandaged it and told everyone I had a nasty cat scratch there (we had about 5 cats at the time).

It felt good, so I started doing it more frequently. Whenever I had a bad day in school (which was often), I would take one of the porcelain pieces and sliced my forearm with it. I started wearing long sleeves. I was cutting on and off until I was 18, when I finally decided to get "clean."

Then my grandma was dying and I had a huge fight with my aunt, who had this weird rivalry thing with me due to her only being less than a year younger than my dad. I locked myself in the bathroom and sliced all over my thighs. I could hardly walk after that.

After that, I was "clean" until 2017, when I lost my job and a lot of what's left of my self-esteem. I now cut on my stomach, the part between my belly button and my pelvis. The thing is, I've gotten good at it. I know the places that will yield the most blood without being life threatening and how to cut cleanly so it'll heal quickly. I also disinfect my blades and wounds immediately to avoid infection.

 

[J.E. Morrow]

Yes, I cut to punish and hurt myself.

Why do you punish yourself?

 

[SelfishMom]

Why do you punish yourself?

Because I'm a parasite. I do nothing to help the people I love.

 

[J.E. Morrow]

Because I'm a parasite. I do nothing to help the people I love.

You don't have to, at least not all the time. Sometimes it's ok to be helped too.

 

[Alastor]

Do any of you self-harm? Not in a CTB/wanting to find peace way...but in a wanting to inflict pain on yourself way? For me, I hit myself with objects. Not often. But when I kinda lose my head, I take a hard object and hit it against my face and end up with a real good black eye. It hurts but also feels good, in a strange sense. I haven't cut before...the blunt force punching, etc. has been my go-to.

Just curious if any of you have these unhealthy coping mechanisms and how you work through them, if you do.

I used to cut myself in my teenage years Then I got to burning myself Just heating up a key with a lighter and hold it against my skin until it didn't hurt anymore My arms are full of scars from this and it's a pain nowadays to explain them to people that ask about this
However, I'm not self harming anymore. Got other ways to punish myself ...

 

[Fallen]

Sometimes i just slice up my wrist to help with feeling depressed. It's the combination of the rush and the physical pain that distracts me from those feelings. It's mostly for those day when I'm feeling suicidal but not quite ready to commit yet.

 

[Dor]

I enjoy cutting myself, I enjoy bleeding, I enjoy the smell of blood. The bleeding part is why I really did it, it made me feel good knowing I'm bleeding, I don't know why. But I haven't cut in 10 years and not gonna start again either even though I sometimes have urges, I have enough scars. Burning myself was quite satisfying as well, but again, it leaves scars.

However I do occasionally bang my head against walls, punch walls, punch myself in the stomach/head, hitting myself all over, however it's really not that painful since it's just doesn't hurt when you do it yourself and since I'm not bleeding not gratifying either.

 

[kogos]

Thanks for all your replies, everyone. I have been reading the forum for awhile and would say I have suicidal ideation although I am not personally suicidal. But when something occurs and anxiety quickly builds, I hurt myself. Not to end my life. To cause...pain? But it's not so much pain as relief. There is initial pain, sometimes blood sometimes bruising, but it provides both a physical release (some kind of come down) and an emotional one.

The problem is I don't do it at all for attention, and while the side of my head has been my *typical* target, there is only one and maybe two times you can make a legitimate sounding excuse for why you have a black eye or a banged up cheek.

I don't understand why physically causing myself pain or discomfort or temporary disfigurement provides me relief, but it does. And I suppose I was just seeking out validation or empathy from others on this board about it, which I received. Thanks all of you for reading and responding to it.

 

[Livinginhell]

Yes, I have cut and burned myself with cigarettes most of my adult life to punish myself and somehow the physical pain makes the mental pain a bit easier When I feel the pain I know it's what I deserve. I never wear short sleeves as I don't want people to see the scars and ask questions or feel pity for me. However I like my scars as they remind me of my fights against life and remind me that my pain is nothing compared to the pain I have caused my loved ones.

 

[Moth]

I cut, burn myself with cigarettes, scratch at my skin until I bleed. Punch walls, punch myself and hit my head on stuff. I dont know how to process emotions so when things get too intense I freak out, there's also been a few issues with using myself as a blood sacrifice . I've given up trying to quit. You get to a point where you realise that you are soo scarred and fucked up ftom it that there really isn't a reason too. I'm always going to be a freak. I've made peace with that. I hate it, but whatever its only temporary life is temporary

 

[Kyrok]

Self-harm does a few things. First, the "gate theory of pain": if you're in emotional pain and hurt yourself, you can't quite process both, so only the new/stronger gets through.
Second, adrenalin/ endorphin release.

 

[Memento Mori]

I cut, burn myself with cigarettes, scratch at my skin until I bleed. Punch walls, punch myself and hit my head on stuff

Lol I do all of this but not only since I started going lunatic but just while being alive, sounds kinda normal to me



I like to bite myself til I can hear my skin burst between my teeth. xD
Anger... o.O

 

[Redt2go]

Lol I do all of this but not only since I started going lunatic but just while being alive, sounds kinda normal to me



I like to bite myself til I can hear my skin burst between my teeth. xD
Anger... o.O

That sounds so painful

 

[Memento Mori]

That sounds so painful

Noo it's not that painful, well I get some small holes from it on my arms and feel a bit hurt n deaf at the place of the bite but it's not worse than cutting or burning

I think if I don't to that and just crush my teeth in these moments they would shatter, already heard some crackling in my mouth two or three times...It's not like sports or boxing the wall could help out in such moments, I just want my head to explode and stfu :D

 

[Meena]

I cut my legs and arms. Only in winter.
It feels so good!!!!

 

[TheRiverStyz]

I don't understand why physically causing myself pain or discomfort or temporary disfigurement provides me relief, but it does. And I suppose I was just seeking out validation or empathy from others on this board about it, which I received. Thanks all of you for reading and responding to it.

Physical pain helps release endorphins and adrenaline, which makes you feel happy, or giddy, or sometimes even high. With your method of self-harm I would just say take care, make sure you're doing it as safely as possible because you don't want to end up with brain damage and have your quality of life reduced even lower.

Wanting attention and validation isn't a bad thing, evolutionarily babies and children seek attention to ensure their survival (to be looked after). I think I can speak for everybody here when I say that you're never alone in what you're experiencing, and that's why we're all here talking to each other.

Hope you have a good weekend. Hugs.

 

[ThisIsTheEnd]

Do any of you self-harm? Not in a CTB/wanting to find peace way...but in a wanting to inflict pain on yourself way? For me, I hit myself with objects. Not often. But when I kinda lose my head, I take a hard object and hit it against my face and end up with a real good black eye. It hurts but also feels good, in a strange sense. I haven't cut before...the blunt force punching, etc. has been my go-to.

Just curious if any of you have these unhealthy coping mechanisms and how you work through them, if you do.

I do literally the exact same thing you do. Mostly just my fist, but I'll sometimes take up a heavy object and just smash my face.

 

[Moth]

Lol I do all of this but not only since I started going lunatic but just while being alive, sounds kinda normal to me


I like to bite myself til I can hear my skin burst between my teeth. xD
Anger... o.O

Yeh it feels normal to me too. But society has labelled me a freak. I used to bite myself when I was a kid, but mostly stopped when I was a teenager and found other methods. Biting myself still crops up when I'm in hospital because they can confiscate everything except your own teeth.

 

[Doggo]

Yup. Obviously want to die, but that's not the reason. It's a punishment i deserve, while it leaves me feeling like i'm flying on a cloud. Often better than some drugs. I also love blood/gore so it gives me even more of a rush. Just fascinating. I give myself bruises and cut my thighs. Wish i could do arms aswell but... can't let my mom know.

 

[Bread]

I used to cut myself a lot but then I was forced to stop because I acquired an unrelated illness. For at least a year I was too weak to get out of bed, much less to get out my razor and cut myself. So I guess I didn't stop because of my own decision. I still think about it a lot and I miss it but I decided years ago that I didn't want to start that process again. It's exhausting to always be hiding it, and to have to wear long sleeves and pants all the time. These days I just hit myself instead because the bruises won't be permanent. Though I don't know that they're much easier to explain.

 

[lost.ghost]

I used to go outside and hit myself with sticks and rocks. Now I buy those blades you find in box cutters, trying to get something more sharp somewhere. I would use shaving razors which hurt like hell. My reason for self harm is to punish myself for being such a bad person, if that makes sense