Venting Self harm ruined me

[lithium00]

Kids are stupid. I was a stupid kid with mental illnesses. So I cut myself but to an extreme extent. To my Defense I thought I would kill myself anyways so it didn't really matter back then. It does matter now since I obviously haven't killed myself yet. I have two full selves full of scars. Both my under arms are covered all around in self harm scars. My thighs too. Some parts of my calves as well. I have so many scars so many obvious ones as well and it makes me feel so ugly.
I can't look in the mirror without feeling pure self hatred. Even if I tried to heal I feel like I couldn't just because these scars are constant reminders of how pathetic and stupid I am.
I hate myself so much. I hate the way I look.
At this point I'm just trying to make my scars look less obvious which is again stupid because they are 5-6 years old and it doesn't matter what I try it won't make much of a difference.

 

[LunarLakes]

I'm feeling the same way, I have a bunch of scars on my right arm and on both thighs, and I have the word "fat" carved into my right thigh. A dumbass decision because now during the summer I refuse to wear short pants, I haven't gone swimming in years (something I used to absolutely love) simply because I don't want people seeing my scars. It's especially bad because my scars are very raised and noticeable, probably because I didn't really spend much time properly taking care of them as cuts. It's really hard to not feel broken when seeing them.

 

[Quiabo1]

Well... you can't judge your past self with today's mind... I don't know if there are treatments to make scars less obvious but seeing a trusty dermatologist may help! I'm sorry for how you feel and the things you have been through