Self confidence

[depressed_kitten97]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure if I even want to recover. But today, I came to the realization that if I ever want a real chance at being happy, I need to work on my self-confidence. I need more self-love. I need to believe in myself.

I'm studying early childhood education, and recently I had my internship evaluation. One of my teachers observed me and said I lack confidence—and that if I want to do this job, I really need to work on that. She even said she's not sure I could manage a group of kids. That really hurt, because this is something I truly want to do. It's something I know would make me happy.

But it's not just about work. Socially, I always erase myself. I hide. And I feel like if I want to stop feeling like I don't want to be here anymore… if I want to make friends, go out, have fun—then I need to start building confidence and learning to love myself more.

So I wanted to ask—has anyone been through something similar? Do you have any advice on how to gain confidence? Be less shy? Any books, therapy methods, or experiences that really helped you? I'm open to trying anything.

Thank you for reading. Take care, guys

 

[timf]

There used to be a group called Toastmasters that was essentially a self-help group whose objective was to help each other become better at public speaking. If there is a group in your town you might call and ask if they were still active.

Some people who are vary confident are so because the care little for others. This type of confidence can be harmful. There was a book how to win friends and influence people that was useful for others seeking to advance themselves in business and politics. This also can be harmful.

If you are a more nurturing and caring person, you do not need to change who you are. You might explore volunteer work and perhaps discover confidence by finding out how much you can help others.

 

[meetapple]

I have read that a way to get confident is to get good at something, anything. So if you like to play tennis (just an example) you could try to get better at it. It could also be fun.

 

[hang in there]

There used to be a group called Toastmasters that was essentially a self-help group whose objective was to help each other become better at public speaking. If there is a group in your town you might call and ask if they were still active.

Some people who are vary confident are so because the care little for others. This type of confidence can be harmful. There was a book how to win friends and influence people that was useful for others seeking to advance themselves in business and politics. This also can be harmful.

If you are a more nurturing and caring person, you do not need to change who you are. You might explore volunteer work and perhaps discover confidence by finding out how much you can help others.

>Some people who are vary confident are so because the care little for others.
That's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact it is necessary for a healthy relationship to others.
I don't know what it was like for OP, but when I was growing up, I was raised in an abusive household. My role as a child was always the caretaker. I was the therapist for my parents, I cooked the meals, I watched the babies, I did the laundry, I did everything because that was what was foisted upon me. That sort of role, most especially as the therapist to my parents, very very deeply ingrained in me the sense that I did not matter, my internal state meant nothing to anyone, I was guilty for the actions of others, I was responsible for ensuring everything was right and no one felt bad at all. So that left me a real shell of a person - I existed only for the service of others and nothing I felt mattered at all. I was the biggest most pathetic doormat ever, and I was obsessed with how others around me felt all of the time and especially what they thought of me. That turned into social anxiety, which pushed me into my shell even further.

What I had to learn the hard way was that it does not matter what other people think. I cannot control their actions and I most certainly cannot control their internal state or opinions of me, no matter how "good" I try to be for them. Other people are not better than me and I have good qualities I find lacking in others. No one is inherently worthy of respect, myself included, it must be earned and I have the ability to respect myself. It really does not matter if other people think badly of me for whatever reason, and it only hurts me to be concerned with their bad opinions. It does not matter if I mess up. Humans cannot reach perfection and I am no exception to that rule. It is crazy to have that expectation of anyone, myself included. In order to progress and improve, mistakes MUST be made. That is the only way to learn. If I mess up it is not the end of the world and I can forgive myself even if others refuse to. The only opinion that matters to me is my own and other people can live their lives however they choose. I have no influence on their internal state, they have no influence on mine. I choose to be bothered by their words, they can't control that. So if I put myself out there and mess up and someone laughs, it doesn't matter at all. I can even laugh with them.

That took many years of introspection and hard looks at my own behavior. It does not happen overnight but OP can choose to start trying to change today.