seeking advice and support, also have some SN questions

[haverlock1666]

Hi all, so I didn't think I would find myself here for a long time.

However I am in the situation where I have made a mistake and face the prospect of losing my job, possibly home and already have lost most of my friends, I am also scared of reaction from my family if they should find out, literally life changing.
While I still have time I would like to maintain control while I still have dignity and haven't been stripped of the power to make my own decisions.

I have been considering various methods, however I have a disability and do not have technical knowledge for more complex methods such as exit bags, plus my disability makes achieving options like night night difficult and almost certain to fail, similar issues with most methods i have seen listed.
This leads me to conclude SN is almost certainly my only viable way out due to how disability impacts my life.
I am aware that sources can't be given out publicly, but I would like to know are the various trusted options only accessible through a VPN or tor. As if so I am trapped due to not being able to use such resources.
I am in the UK so need to access any sources from here. I have only just joined even though I have browsed as a guest for some time, so i'm not sure if their are rules around when pms can be used, but if they are open people are welcome to pm directly or reply on the thread whatever is easier, as it would be also good to get to know others. If by chance there are options I might not have thought of interested in discussion also. Its the public shame and humiliation I also can't stand that is likely.

 

[Fate]

You don't need a VPN, nor do you need Tor. It's accessible on the clearnet, but you can't use Google to find it since they've filtered it out. Use a popular search browser in ukraine that starts with Y (Its not yahoo)

 

[raskol1980]

Hi, unfortunately I can't offer you anything other than words right now. I can empathise with some of your situation and sympathise with the rest (if that's of any use!).

You're in the right place for the questions you're asking. You may need a little patience a good place to start whist waiting for replies is the forums - there's not a lot that hasn't;t already been discussed on there already. You may also manage to get to chat privately with someone helpful people. There's a lot of (understandable) caution around certain topics. However, for the most part, people are decent on here - in my humble opinion.

 

[haverlock1666]

Thank you for the replies so far. at the moment i'm simply exploring options. I haven't decided for sure what i'm doing. It would reassure me if I have plans in place, but at the moment i'm exploring, I can't say the thought of SN appeals, but I might not have any option, plus I fully intend to engage with counselling and other services.
Its ironic, I know if I take that step everything would come out anyway for family, but I wouldn't have to witness the reaction, plus I do rely on them for support in certain areas, so its not a case of being able to start again without them.
Also the reality is its very possible I would never be able to work again due to employer prejudice. I'm young and the idea of spending the rest of my life sinking into poverty people knowing what happened doesn't appeal one bit. I do have some supportive friends only a few though. I've had several people tell me prison is unlikely but even if that is the case the other consequences are so major. If I could keep this private from family, keep my job and home I could bear this I really want to understand how I got where I am, and I am already changed by this experience and do want to rehabilitate myself, but I need some hope. It seems a major risk to simply wait for processes to complete and have faith that consequences might not be as bad as they could be. I even thought about stepping out into the cold the other day when it was below freezing, but I wasn't confident it would finish the job quickly and I might just get ill or a bad cold.

 

[haverlock1666]

You don't need a VPN, nor do you need Tor. It's accessible on the clearnet, but you can't use Google to find it since they've filtered it out. Use a popular search browser in ukraine that starts with Y (Its not yahoo)

Thank you for the hint, I think I have the search engine figured out, although still not having any luck tracking down the site, I thought I had it till I worked out offered quantities were wrong plus company was in the wrong country. I do know about other things to check for DMC like offered payment methods etc.
Although this is beginning to feel like hunting for a needle in a haystack for me, plus I worry if I keep searching and drawing blanks it might draw attention. Sadly I really don't think ligature and other methods are practical for me due to poor coordination with my hands I don't think I would have the speed in order to be effective. I believe the search engine has an x somewhere in its name.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I wish there's the option to simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, I see so much cruelty in how it's so difficult to be permanently free from this existence but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the relief you search for.

 

[Richard Langford]

I'm in the UK and belated thought about the hypothermia idea too. Would SI not intervene though? My ideal is opioids but for normal, everday people (not addicts or ever have been) those are difficult to source.

 

[haverlock1666]

Yes I think your right, it was bitterly cold when I stepped out, and its one thing being outside with layers on, and another without, also as I said before i'm not sure how long the process is supposed to take, plus you have to make sure your somewhere you won't be found. Anyway as its warming up I guess its no longer an option.

 

[Richard Langford]

Yes I think your right, it was bitterly cold when I stepped out, and its one thing being outside with layers on, and another without, also as I said before i'm not sure how long the process is supposed to take, plus you have to make sure your somewhere you won't be found. Anyway as its warming up I guess its no longer an option.

Its feasible and does happen. I think a significant issue is if you did have access to a house/car would your Surival Instinct kick in and it would also be so unpleasant you'd just give up anyway? I could just drive off and sit somewhere on a bench. Could you with a disability?

 

[haverlock1666]

Well I don't drive, but locating a bench is no issue, as you say access to a house makes it tricky, I ducked back in after a few seconds, I guess you need some serious willpower for something like this. I was thinking though i'm surprised nobody has mentioned things like plants or seeds on here or even just natural options. Having said that the ones I have read about sound drawn out over hours or days so not particularly appealing either.

 

[Fate]

Thank you for the hint, I think I have the search engine figured out, although still not having any luck tracking down the site, I thought I had it till I worked out offered quantities were wrong plus company was in the wrong country. I do know about other things to check for DMC like offered payment methods etc.
Although this is beginning to feel like hunting for a needle in a haystack for me, plus I worry if I keep searching and drawing blanks it might draw attention. Sadly I really don't think ligature and other methods are practical for me due to poor coordination with my hands I don't think I would have the speed in order to be effective. I believe the search engine has an x somewhere in its name.

Yes, you're on the right search engine by that description. If you look around the forum, you'll find other clues that should bring you closer to finding DMC.

 

[haverlock1666]

Yes, you're on the right search engine by that description. If you look around the forum, you'll find other clues that should bring you closer to finding DMC.

Hi, so i'm fairly sure i've cracked it, just happened to put in the right search. I wonder can I pm someone to confirm I have the right place? i'm 70 percent sure I do, although product origin is listed as Germany.
is the protocol we generally contact DMC on whatsapp before ordering, or is it ok to order first without contact. Also, does it actually state what is in the package?
I might actually give preservation a go, it could be a new hobby, i've been saying for ages I need to be more healthy.
Last question, i've seen references to ABC for other useful equipment, are they available to me in the UK?
who knows I might not even order I need to consider everything very carefully, especially as i'm determined to engage with counselling in a positive, constructive and meaningful way. If we should generally contact DMC with what in mind.

 

[Willy Wonka]

Why are people using abbreviations for search engines ?!? As if it were a direct source for sth illegal...
My advice: just use a V*N