A
agony1996
Student
- Jul 8, 2024
- 128
I haven't posted in a while, you know when you're in so much pain it's hard to even breathe let alone concentrate.
I'm absolutely in agony, in one month I'm going to be in circumstances that I'm going to have to be around many people, when I say many people and due to my trauma that's getting worse everyday.
Unfortunately 3 of these people are my mom and two siblings and I love them to death and it absolutely tears my heart apart at the thought of not seeing them again, I miss them so much because I've been away from them for 6 months and I just want to hug them so tightly and not let go but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to do that again.
I don't want to die I just want to live without pain, I'm not even asking for happiness because that's a far stretch, I know I will never feel any kind of joy again but I wish I could just live without this emotional pain, it's torture it unbearable I can't take it anymore and I'm so scared the day is approaching and I'm feeling so many different emotions, I'm scared, sad, lonely, I can't speak to anyone about this I only have you guys.
The thought of putting my mom, who's 80 years old and has been the most amazing mother, who has given everything up for us to always make sure we had everything we needed, always protected us and still does her love is immeasurable, I love her to death and she would never survive me ctbing, I have this huge knot in my throat and so much pain, my heart is filled with pain at the very thought of putting her through that.
I'm bawling right now, I'm so scared, in torture emotionally, so confused, so angry at the universe, I hate the universe I don't understand why good people have to go through so much pain, it's so unfair,
I have so much anger inside and just want to explode I just wish I could push a button and be gone, without causing my mom any pain.
I feel so alone with my thoughts I just wanted to share them with you guys.
I'm sorry if I keep rambling I need to let things out now that I have a moment of energy.
I'm absolutely in agony, in one month I'm going to be in circumstances that I'm going to have to be around many people, when I say many people and due to my trauma that's getting worse everyday.
Unfortunately 3 of these people are my mom and two siblings and I love them to death and it absolutely tears my heart apart at the thought of not seeing them again, I miss them so much because I've been away from them for 6 months and I just want to hug them so tightly and not let go but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to do that again.
I don't want to die I just want to live without pain, I'm not even asking for happiness because that's a far stretch, I know I will never feel any kind of joy again but I wish I could just live without this emotional pain, it's torture it unbearable I can't take it anymore and I'm so scared the day is approaching and I'm feeling so many different emotions, I'm scared, sad, lonely, I can't speak to anyone about this I only have you guys.
The thought of putting my mom, who's 80 years old and has been the most amazing mother, who has given everything up for us to always make sure we had everything we needed, always protected us and still does her love is immeasurable, I love her to death and she would never survive me ctbing, I have this huge knot in my throat and so much pain, my heart is filled with pain at the very thought of putting her through that.
I'm bawling right now, I'm so scared, in torture emotionally, so confused, so angry at the universe, I hate the universe I don't understand why good people have to go through so much pain, it's so unfair,
I have so much anger inside and just want to explode I just wish I could push a button and be gone, without causing my mom any pain.
I feel so alone with my thoughts I just wanted to share them with you guys.
I'm sorry if I keep rambling I need to let things out now that I have a moment of energy.