Scared

[dontknowwheretoturn]

I'm scared that even if I come out of this depression even slightly, that I will just fall right back in again but deeper. It feels as if I'm just waiting for my life to end because I know I won't be able to make it as worse things happen in my life. I get a slight tinge of hope and then in the blink of an eye it's all lost again. I'm not sure what to do. It's depressing thinking that the longer I stay the more people I'll hurt inevitably.

Is anyone else scared for their own future… knowing they won't be able to last?

Everyone's lives are flying by. Friends are getting married and having kids, succeeding in careers and traveling, but I can't even get myself out of bed.

Is this just a waiting game?

 

[BasqueClown]

I feel similar, I'm 25 year old and feel stuck in my life in all meanings
My family is very religious and I'm out of the church since 2016 and change country, get a degree in Literature but I feel worthless because of the struggle of find a good job
I fear the old age and sometimes I tell to myself that it's worthless to live after 45 and eventually I kill myself or want a cancer or something before that age
Yes a lot of people told me that I'm young and beautiful but I struggle with my self image (Rarely I make up), and barely take bath 2 or 3 times a week
Every time that I imagine myself hanging in a forest or jumping or drowning I feel some peace, but I'm worried with my family, I always feel like the black sheep or the "disable' one
Or I don't want to be another number in the LGBT suicide statistic (I'm lesbian) only to people talk "She killed herself because of lesbian, because of the devil" but doesn't understand to be trapped in a toxic relationship for 3 years (I even move out of city to not look her and I blocked my ex girlfriend in all social media and cellphone) and how your mind was fucked up after that (it was 2019-2021, I was manipulated because she pay the rent and food and I didn't find a job in the worst part of pandemic)
So I took this work, it's back office support in a telemarketing, it doesn't pay any much, but I'm trying to reconstruct my life
But! I having suicide thoughts EVERY DAY
So I'm afraid to tell someone beyond this forum that struggle because I don't want to be jailed in psych ward
Yes, I'm not "normal" , I had some erratic behaivor, I isolate socially myself a lot and don't have many friends and I talk to my brothers rarely, so I don't trust almost people
Since I don't have a plan for my life, I HAVE A PLAN to kill myself, since delete everything, take a bus to the mountain town and hide in the forest until midnight to hang, or jump into the sea, or jump high
It's awful, it seems like a constant relapse
Ah and I'm drinking almost daily, a beer or two, but in weekend I like to drunk
Anyways, I feel worried about my future too

 

[FuneralCry]

I have lots of dread for the future, the thought of suffering like this for many more years is horrifying. In my case, things will only get worse for me and I do not want to be there to see it. I think that I am personally glad that I have no hope as to me hope just seems to lead to more pain when it is lost. Overall, life is terrifying to me and I just want the peace that only death can bring. I'm sorry that you feel this way. Life is so cruel and unfair.