Scared of drinking SN - am I the only one?

[Lost Magic]

To be honest, I romanticize N. I've seen the death with dignity videos and it looks as good as it can get. I know our self administered vet N is not the same experience, but I'll take the knockoff version of assisted suicide over anything else. I don't like the mechanism of SN, the discomfort and disorientation it can cause, and how slow it works. I've virtually sat through 1 SN death and although they didn't complain, I don't like how long they were around having to deal with the decline. It's just scary to me. I don't want to be around losing my head, getting dizzy worrying about if I got this poison right in my last moments. I'll be paranoid about how much suffering might come out of the SN. Two bottles of N, I know it works, I didn't have to mix it, and I'll shut my eyes and let go. A gunshot would be quicker than SN. I don't like hanging around losing my head for too long.

I get why people us SN, but if I feel I can afford the hassle of getting N then it's hard to pass up.

Did your friend have all the drugs and do a proper fast before taking the Nitrite? Exit International have studies that show it should only take about 12 to 15 mins to become unconscious. Propranolol reduces blood flow to the brain, so this would cause a person to pass out quicker. Anybody, who takes the Sodium Nitrite without following the protocol is taking a massive gamble in terms of how peaceful their death would be. I would rather drink a salty poison than have to deal with the fear of a 400 tonne train steaming towards me. But that's just me.

 

[Sherri]

I have sn and it scares me too. If I take it one day…it's normal to feel afraid even with N

 

[Umeboahi]

The only thing which scares me about is the risk of seizures. I believe that they are unlikely - but to be found as a result would be horrible.

 

[Interloper]

can I ask why your reasoning is to not use sn? you can pm me if you want instead. I just want to see all perspectives

I know I'm not the person you asked but the way I see it, how much time is there for my survival instinct to kick in between ingestion and death? Even the 15-20 minutes mentioned above is a long time to me, don't even know how my body will react to all the drugs you are supposed to take beforehand (I know from experience that I can still throw up even with an AE, and that's not something I want to be doing in my final moments haha). And once the SN is mixed I kinda have to commit (which to be fair could help somewhat) to drinking because it will not stay as nitrite forever. Which means I would have to order another batch and gamble with customs again.

Shotgun would have been ideal, but alas.

 

[grungeCat]

Couldn't it be possible to avoid the gag reflex also by doing a mouth wash for a few minutes using a liquid with a high alcohol concentration - such as Whiskey - to make the whole mouth numb, and then spit the liquid out before drinking SN?

I do think that it's better to get used to the salty taste the way you describe it, rather than trying to fight it, though.

I didn't know about this tip... thanks, I will try it out soon with regular salt.

 

[Lost Magic]

I know I'm not the person you asked but the way I see it, how much time is there for my survival instinct to kick in between ingestion and death? Even the 15-20 minutes mentioned above is a long time to me, don't even know how my body will react to all the drugs you are supposed to take beforehand (I know from experience that I can still throw up even with an AE, and that's not something I want to be doing in my final moments haha). And once the SN is mixed I kinda have to commit (which to be fair could help somewhat) to drinking because it will not stay as nitrite forever. Which means I would have to order another batch and gamble with customs again.

Shotgun would have been ideal, but alas.

Dude, the time before death (from reports) is just an intoxicated feeling. Kinda like you just drunk a few glasses of strong wine and if you have benzos and propranolol that feeling would be even more relaxing. Cyanide is a painful death, but Sodium Nitrite isn't (apart from a mild headache). You just get dizzy, drowsy and then unresponsive because you become unconscious. So long has the protocol is followed, it is a relatively peaceful trip. People need to start researching more instead of being driven by fear and emotions.

 

[LilBird]

I know I'm not the person you asked but the way I see it, how much time is there for my survival instinct to kick in between ingestion and death? Even the 15-20 minutes mentioned above is a long time to me, don't even know how my body will react to all the drugs you are supposed to take beforehand (I know from experience that I can still throw up even with an AE, and that's not something I want to be doing in my final moments haha). And once the SN is mixed I kinda have to commit (which to be fair could help somewhat) to drinking because it will not stay as nitrite forever. Which means I would have to order another batch and gamble with customs again.

Shotgun would have been ideal, but alas.

thank you for you reply

To be honest, I romanticize N. I've seen the death with dignity videos and it looks as good as it can get. I know our self administered vet N is not the same experience, but I'll take the knockoff version of assisted suicide over anything else. I don't like the mechanism of SN, the discomfort and disorientation it can cause, and how slow it works. I've virtually sat through 1 SN death and although they didn't complain, I don't like how long they were around having to deal with the decline. It's just scary to me. I don't want to be around losing my head, getting dizzy worrying about if I got this poison right in my last moments. I'll be paranoid about how much suffering might come out of the SN. Two bottles of N, I know it works, I didn't have to mix it, and I'll shut my eyes and let go. A gunshot would be quicker than SN. I don't like hanging around losing my head for too long.

I get why people us SN, but if I feel I can afford the hassle of getting N then it's hard to pass up.

ty <3

 

[Interloper]

Dude, the time before death (from reports) is just an intoxicated feeling. Kinda like you just drunk a few glasses of strong wine and if you have benzos and propranolol that feeling would be even more relaxing. Cyanide is a painful death, but Sodium Nitrite isn't (apart from a mild headache). You just get dizzy, drowsy and then unresponsive because you become unconscious. So long has the protocol is followed, it is a relatively peaceful trip. People need to start researching more instead of being driven by fear and emotions.

You are assuming I don't hate the feeling of being intoxicated. I also never said SN was painful? I just don't want to spend my last moments with those side effects. And as long as I am conscious I can call out for help, which is another thing I don't want.

 

[Foresight]

Method preference is very personal. My friend was around chatting for about 20 minutes. I don't know if they followed the protocol correctly. I was honest and said they never complained of discomfort.

If need be, I could have the means and support to go by N. I have access to firearms. SN is not my personal preference. I did research just yesterday and learned why CO is not a popular method. We all have to assess the methods available and every individual is going to have different perspectives.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

There's so much to weigh in when choosing any method. For a city girl like me, I can't possibly go to a forest to ctb, which makes hotel the only choice. Even then, I really feel bad for the cleaning crew.

What am I to do if I really want to ctb with SN then?

Sorry for hijacking...

From prior experience, SN is not very unpleasant but the tarchycardia is very tricky to manage.

 

[Lost Magic]

There's so much to weigh in when choosing any method. For a city girl like me, I can't possibly go to a forest to ctb, which makes hotel the only choice. Even then, I really feel bad for the cleaning crew.

What am I to do if I really want to ctb with SN then?

Sorry for hijacking...

From prior experience, SN is not very unpleasant but the tarchycardia is very tricky to manage.

Propranolol would help a great deal with the racing heartbeat. I was lucky to get a box of the fast acting kind. I will take 80 milligrams one hour before the SN drink and mix in 400 mg in with the drink. Benzos, Xanax or some other sedative would also relieve those symptoms.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Propranolol would help a great deal with the racing heartbeat. I was lucky to get a box of the fast acting kind. I will take 80 milligrams one hour before the SN drink and mix in 400 mg in with the drink. Benzos, Xanax or some other sedative would also relieve those symptoms.

I've access to atenolol but it didn't feel right using my grandparent's medications to ctb. I do have tramadol and pregabalin, and some lorazepam. Do you think it will work? Meto is available as I'm given that along with the tramadol for pain.

 

[BrokenBliss]

I know I'm not the person you asked but the way I see it, how much time is there for my survival instinct to kick in between ingestion and death? Even the 15-20 minutes mentioned above is a long time to me, don't even know how my body will react to all the drugs you are supposed to take beforehand (I know from experience that I can still throw up even with an AE, and that's not something I want to be doing in my final moments haha). And once the SN is mixed I kinda have to commit (which to be fair could help somewhat) to drinking because it will not stay as nitrite forever. Which means I would have to order another batch and gamble with customs again.

Shotgun would have been ideal, but alas.

Shotguns are not ideal. Google suicide and face transplant.

 

[Lost Magic]

You are assuming I don't hate the feeling of being intoxicated. I also never said SN was painful? I just don't want to spend my last moments with those side effects. And as long as I am conscious I can call out for help, which is another thing I don't want.

You do realise that whatever method you take you are going to have problems as well? No method is perfect but Sodium Nitrite, if done correctly, has been very effective and is one of the better ways of ending ones life. You don't think survival instinct kicks in if you are at the barrel of a gun or the edge of a cliff? I guess it is all down to preference, but death is not easy or pretty. We all have to face that fact.

 

[Foresight]

I assume if aimed right with an appropriate gun you can be gone swiftly. Someone recently posted the cleanest gun suicide I've seen. If you fail with a gun it's a hell of a fail to deal with though. There's that one girl that had a face transplant at the Cleveland clinic. She was so beautiful. I don't know if she used a shotgun though. I doubt that young lady knew what she was doing. It was a rushed decision after a break up. I have no idea how or if she is living well today. Facial disfigurement is the number one reason I'm here so it would be pretty ironic to end up still alive and more disfigured.

 

[Interloper]

Shotguns are not ideal. Google suicide and face transplant.

Many of them shoot the wrong place, that is user error.

You do realise that whatever method you take you are going to have problems as well?

... Obviously. SN problems are just not ones I (me, personally) want to deal with.

No method is perfect but Sodium Nitrite, if done correctly, has been very effective and is one of the better ways of ending ones life.

Again, I don't disagree. But we all have different pain thresholds and how we deal with uncomfortable side effects. And perhaps underlying medical issues.

You don't think survival instinct kicks in if you are at the barrel of a gun or the edge of a cliff?

It doesn't take a genius to figure that out no, the difference is that if the SI kicks in when you are holding the gun to your head, you can put the gun down and try again another day. Same with the cliff, and somewhat applies to the exit bag too. Once I poison myself, I have to sit there for 12-15 minutes and hope I don't call out for aid before I go unconscious. I do not know how my brain will react in those final minutes. All I know is I don't want to deal with that stress. (that entire regime also doesn't help my anxiety lol)

If I am successfully rescued then the cat is out of the bag and I will likely be institutionalized.

I guess it is all down to preference, but death is not easy or pretty. We all have to face that fact.

Again, I don't disagree. That's why I don't want those last minutes to be stressful.

 

[BrokenBliss]

For some it's split-second SI or hesitation. Could also be any number of hard to control responses from the trigger - jerking and such. Can also be the, again split-second and near-impossible to control, automatic recoil that happens just by virtue of firing. What I'm trying to say is that any of these can alter your aim by a tiny amount that leaves you alive with disastrous results. The consequences of a failed firearm ctb crosses that option right off the list, at least for me.

 

[Interloper]

For some it's split-second SI or hesitation. Could also be any number of hard to control trigger responses - jerking and such. Can also be the, again split-second and near-impossible to control, automatic recoil that happens just by virtue of firing. What I'm trying to say is that any of these can alter your aim by a tiny amount that leaves you alive with disastrous results. The consequences of a failed firearm ctb crosses that option right off the list, at least for me.

That's true, so I think it's important you get some range experience so you become comfortable with the gun. Also that cleveland clinic lady used a hunting rifle, not a shotgun, from what I can find.

edit:

Katie went into the bathroom, put the muzzle of Robert's .308-caliber hunting rifle below her chin

Caliber was (more than) fine, but she put it below her chin...

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

This is how I am choosing to go out, and I share many of the same reservations and fears. Several months ago, I failed an attempt before I got to the actual drinking of the poison bit. I had taken meto, propranolol, cocodamol, IBS and antacid meds earlier in the day, and a small diazepam tablet.

Now, I have many health problems, and am not recieving any sort of treatment for any of my ailments, so my experience was definitely clouded by this caveat. I have chronic pain which is likely neuropathic in nature, including Raynaud's syndrome which means that my extremities don't receive proper blood flow. I already feel disoriented and as if there's a valve about to burst with pressure occupying my head every time I bend over and find it tilted.

Just taking the regimine was very difficult for me. I felt dizzy, disoriented, and weak. Before I was found and interrupted, which sent my body into panic mode overdrive, it was as if I could barely hold my eyelids open because my blood pressure had dropped so much. This was very scary for me, even if I had found fleeting moments of peace during the ordeal. The reassurance that all my pain would be over soon was comforting to me, but it wasn't enough to overpower the SI and the fear of psych wards.

I am really scared to attempt again, fearing the nausea and pain will be worse when I actually drink the bloody thing. It isn't easy, even though all of the accounts, the stories, the coroner's reports, etc, always make it out to be and falsely assume the main driver is impulsivity and one doesn't have to methodically think, plan, and overcome basal fear instincts in order to ctb. For many people, it is just not our time, even if we wish it wasn't so.

 

[BrokenBliss]

That's true, so I think it's important you get some range experience so you become comfortable with the gun. Also that cleveland clinic lady used a hunting rifle, not a shotgun, from what I can find.

The Cleveland chick was an extremely impulsive act of a kid with zero comprehension or preparation. All of the factors I described can come into play no matter how trained or educated you are. I emphasize again that they are split-second and largely out of your control. To each his own, but please do your research and just be careful.

 

[Of The Universe]

Love to get some N!

 

[clown_17]

How did you survive? Even with all that disorientation, one would hope it'd follow with eternal peace (speaking for myself).

I called an ambulance. This was for a mix of two reasons. Keep in mind my attempt was very impulsive and not planned at all

Reason 1. I believed my SN was expired. I'd been told that if you open the container that your SN would spoil and that + having it for so long made me assume I'd just receive some organ damage but not die, so I decided I'd call an ambulance for the antidote (methylene blue) to avoid damage since it wasn't going to kill me anyways

2. Probably a bit of fear. We all like to talk about how ready we are to die but when it comes down to it the physical feeling of your body shutting down is terrifying

Turns out my SN worked just fine. The ambulance arrived just in time and I barely survived. I've been told the ear doctors from my hospital writing a medical paper on my case because with some certain level I had in my blood there was practically no chance I'd survive without severe damage or death

I am organ damage free though, I got lucky

 

[Chiisai]

Please share your thoughts. I just feel like drinking SN is so god damn scary. Am I the only one feeling like this? I'm sorry if I'm making someone's SI stronger by writing this, but it's probably better to think of that problem now as opposed to later.. maybe it helps to talk about it now up front. I guess I wish someone could tell me that drinking SN is totally fine.

Oh I feel you. You're not the only one. I almost broke out drinking it on my 1st attempt even though I wanted it so much. Just the thought going into uncertainty scared me.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I called an ambulance. This was for a mix of two reasons. Keep in mind my attempt was very impulsive and not planned at all

Reason 1. I believed my SN was expired. I'd been told that if you open the container that your SN would spoil and that + having it for so long made me assume I'd just receive some organ damage but not die, so I decided I'd call an ambulance for the antidote (methylene blue) to avoid damage since it wasn't going to kill me anyways

2. Probably a bit of fear. We all like to talk about how ready we are to die but when it comes down to it the physical feeling of your body shutting down is terrifying

Turns out my SN worked just fine. The ambulance arrived just in time and I barely survived. I've been told the ear doctors from my hospital writing a medical paper on my case because with some certain level I had in my blood there was practically no chance I'd survive without severe damage or death

I am organ damage free though, I got lucky

How old was your SN?

And did you leave it open, or open it and then close it again?

 

[clown_17]

How old was your SN?

And did you leave it open, or open it and then close it again?

I opened it a few times, I don't remember why though. I also took the SN I used out of the container I got it in and put a portion in a smaller container, the portion which I took.

I didn't ever leave it open for more than a few minutes. I bought the SN in the summer of 2020 and took it in December of 2021

 

[readyforsleep]

I wasn't super scared, but the taste made me throw up immediately so I failed at it.

 

[Yagami]

I wasn't super scared, but the taste made me throw up immediately so I failed at it.

What was the taste like? Bitter chemicals? Regular salt?

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, I heard a lot of people find Nitrite and even liquid Nembutal hard to drink. Best to try and get some strong mouthwash with a numbing agent and swish that in your mouth beforehand.

 

[readyforsleep]

What was the taste like? Bitter chemicals? Regular salt?

So, I've heard a lot of people say that it tastes like salt but for me that was absolutely not true. It was a horrible taste that's hard to describe, it was very intense but did go away very quickly. Before the attempt i put a little of the powder on my finger and tasted it and it was bad but manageable. Idk if it was the fact that it was mixed with water or what, but I absolutely could not swallow it.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

Does anyone here know when or why SN became the preferred method?

I don't know, but I think it has some reasons. It's my method of choice, by the way. Perhaps one reason is that it's still more peaceful than jumping from a building or hanging.
I could CTB with the amitriptyline cocktail method, as I have all ingredients, but I still prefer SN. With the amitriptyline cocktail, there could be seizures, hyperthermia (feeling extremely hot) and other symptoms of overdose and it could take more than 36 hours, although it's considered a reliable method (in the 2021 edition of the PPeH, it's considered even more reliable than SN, they gave 8 stars for amitriptyline and 7 for SN in terms of reliability). Although some people argue that with amitriptyline cocktail, you'll be sedated or sleeping because of the sedative properties of amitriptyline combined with alcohol and long-acting benzodiazepines. Anyway, SN is very simple. Fairly easy to buy in many countries (until now, that it got in the news). The mechanism is also very simple, you die basically because of lack of oxygen ("methemoglobinemia"). No seizures, no hyperthermia... no feeling suffocated by a rope and risking getting saved, disabled and injured forever... definitely no getting crushed on the ground and breaking multiple bones after jumping from a high place... etc...
I think if people had access to guns, then there could be a nice debate on which one is better: guns vs SN...