Scared of connecting with someone

[ForgottenTomb]

I always say that I would love to make a new friend, that I want to find my home with people who understand and support me and that I feel alienated, but when I talk to someone and I get the idea that we're going to form a connection, I get cold feet and opt out. I do value friendship and sometimes I do genuinely try to get to know someone, but it's scary to commit to a person. This might be the biggest reason why I am alienated.

Does anyone else have this problem as well? Or had this problem and resolved it?

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i think i do :// in my experience ppl have been nothing but shitty to me, & each new person i've let myself get attached to has one upped the shittiness of the last person, lol. so i think now when i feel myself getting interested/attached to a new person, i jump ship as soon as the opportunity presents itself, to avoid getting further attached & having it end up like all my other relationships. which is always worse than the last :p

it blows, but @ the same time i think it might be better to be alone. after all it always goes the way i expect, & ppl have never been worth it.

 

[Sleeper System]

Complicated situation. In my experience... (insert @hikikomorizombie voice here)

For people who come from knowing a life of struggle, in any capacity, tend to subconsciously view friendship or any SHIP for that matter as a burder.
After all, commitment to another person naturely comes with certain expectations and people like us often feel like we want LESS problems not more.
This is why some people find it difficult to make connections. They look to the future and see potential hardship and that turns them away.

The thing you have to remember is that friendship has to have a mutual benifit to both people. It can't be one sided. Even adapting to that mind set can be a challenge.
You have to pay attention and observe behavior as well as set and enforce boundaries. It's like an unspoken contract.

In short, just make any human interaction and you will be fine for now. Talk to people online. Find some authentic folks and befriend them.
Maybe you'll find someone worth meeting. Just remember to be yourself and not over or under sell yourself. O_O;; (@hikikomorizombie voice dub off)

 

[ignoranceisblisss]

I shared this same habit and the only way I broke it was due to a friend I had done this to confronting me and saying how hurt they were about it. I'm very non-confrontational and when I would do this normally do this the other person wouldn't care but this time seeing them cry and share their genuine feelings just... did something to me. I've had some past friendships made me want to stay alone forever but I'd go through those shitty friendships again for a chance to meet someone my current friend. All it takes is one person to change that for you.