Venting SaSu - when it's good...

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I have no real point to make, no real responses required, I think just putting out in the ether & then forgetting.
SaSu has been the greatest blessing to me, the help I've received, the camaraderie, the similar mindsets.
Knowing that other people think how you think, feel how you feel, the freedom to talk about the worst parts of you, to discuss shame - it's so liberating.
I don't get lonely, but I was lonely "in this". SaSu has been the only place I don't wear my permanent, exhausting mask.
I could not be more grateful.
I hope it exists forever, or until a better alternative for us all does.
But also, fuck, this place can be hard to take.
Not the people dying, not the people recovering.
The people who should not be here, but are.
SaSu doesn't have the resources to screen for every random reporter, pro-lifer, troll, asshole.
But it really breaks my heart, seeing the fake posts that are obvious to everyone & then the more insidious fake posts done in clusters, with multiple participants, weaving their deception & fear, for the sake of it.
I get it, a reporter wants a story, wants to get paid.
Pro-lifers can be religious zealots or people who have suffered loss - I have suffered loss, I have never understood it, I have been guilty of trying to save everyone IRL.
But not here, never here.
I am somewhere between a realist & a pessimist, but for some reason, I have such high hopes for this place to be a sacred little bubble - it's my one place, I don't want my one place filled with liars & assholes, I've got that every place.
I wish there was a way that it could be that bubble.
To all y'all that are fucking with my bubble, I resent the shit out of you. I'm not a vengeful person, but honestly, I would like to piss on the one thing you care about, the one thing you need.
And to all y'all fake ass peeps, you're breaking a necessary thing.
And yes, I know, this is the internet, it's the way it's always been, the way it always will be. I just wish it wasn't.
Dunno whether to post or delete.
Have no point.
Just so, so sad & so, so tired...
Imma go to bed now.
Not a single fucking emoji to be seen, but at least a few swears to prove it's still me.
I'm glad SaSu exists, I really am.

 

[LittleMagician]

I have no real point to make, no real responses required, I think just putting out in the ether & then forgetting.
SaSu has been the greatest blessing to me, the help I've received, the camaraderie, the similar mindsets.
Knowing that other people think how you think, feel how you feel, the freedom to talk about the worst parts of you, to discuss shame - it's so liberating.
I don't get lonely, but I was lonely "in this". SaSu has been the only place I don't wear my permanent, exhausting mask.
I could not be more grateful.
I hope it exists forever, or until a better alternative for us all does.
But also, fuck, this place can be hard to take.
Not the people dying, not the people recovering.
The people who should not be here, but are.
SaSu doesn't have the resources to screen for every random reporter, pro-lifer, troll, asshole.
But it really breaks my heart, seeing the fake posts that are obvious to everyone & then the more insidious fake posts done in clusters, with multiple participants, weaving their deception & fear, for the sake of it.
I get it, a reporter wants a story, wants to get paid.
Pro-lifers can be religious zealots or people who have suffered loss - I have suffered loss, I have never understood it, I have been guilty of trying to save everyone IRL.
But not here, never here.
I am somewhere between a realist & a pessimist, but for some reason, I have such high hopes for this place to be a sacred little bubble - it's my one place, I don't want my one place filled with liars & assholes, I've got that every place.
I wish there was a way that it could be that bubble.
To all y'all that are fucking with my bubble, I resent the shit out of you. I'm not a vengeful person, but honestly, I would like to piss on the one thing you care about, the one thing you need.
And to all y'all fake ass peeps, you're breaking a necessary thing.
And yes, I know, this is the internet, it's the way it's always been, the way it always will be. I just wish it wasn't.
Dunno whether to post or delete.
Have no point.
Just so, so sad & so, so tired...
Imma go to bed now.
Not a single fucking emoji to be seen, but at least a few swears to prove it's still me.
I'm glad SaSu exists, I really am.

I fucking hate journalists

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Feel your sadness and tiredness. Hope you sleep well. I'm also glad SaSu is here, very glad.

 

[areyousafe??]

I get you. It also annoys the hell out of me when I see posts made by users which are clearly fake posts, written in order to generate fear and to "make people stop committing suicide". The prolifer pat themselves on the back over the number of people they thought they have deterred from ctb, not knowing that many people can see right through their lies. Other users then reply asking for a source of where they got their information from, and they then fail to respond.

Silence speaks volumes.

 

[bankai]

I understand. It's the weekend. I hope you understand


But I understand always.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I left out the fear-mongering shit done with more than one participant.
I know sometimes it's possibly genuine (that's me being polite), but every time I see someone post about their negative experience with SN, sometimes even positive experiences, but then a cluster of "oh no, that's so scary, it's put me off now".
Get a new script, lazy assholes, you've done that one to death
And finally an emoji for the gallows...
I know I'm not achieving anything here, ranting, venting, whatever you wanna call it.
I gotta say though, as someone who tries very, very hard to be positive here, saying "To all y'all that are fucking with my bubble, I resent the shit out of you" felt really good.
Enough for an encore, mofo's
Also, because I forgot last night, even though I put it in the fucking thread title (TBI ), for those of you that might not know & care (accepting that odds are pretty low & not caring), I was attempting to quote a nursery rhyme my mother was probably TOO fond of:
"When she was good, she was very very good, & when she was bad she was horrid"
I think it's obvs she liked telling me I was horrid, a lot less obvs that was where this post started from, FFS.
My brain, tho.
And on that cheery note, Imma probs put myself to bed again.
Or come back later in a valium & ice cream daze.
Either / either.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I have no real point to make, no real responses required, I think just putting out in the ether & then forgetting.
SaSu has been the greatest blessing to me, the help I've received, the camaraderie, the similar mindsets.
Knowing that other people think how you think, feel how you feel, the freedom to talk about the worst parts of you, to discuss shame - it's so liberating.
I don't get lonely, but I was lonely "in this". SaSu has been the only place I don't wear my permanent, exhausting mask.
I could not be more grateful.
I hope it exists forever, or until a better alternative for us all does.
But also, fuck, this place can be hard to take.
Not the people dying, not the people recovering.
The people who should not be here, but are.
SaSu doesn't have the resources to screen for every random reporter, pro-lifer, troll, asshole.
But it really breaks my heart, seeing the fake posts that are obvious to everyone & then the more insidious fake posts done in clusters, with multiple participants, weaving their deception & fear, for the sake of it.
I get it, a reporter wants a story, wants to get paid.
Pro-lifers can be religious zealots or people who have suffered loss - I have suffered loss, I have never understood it, I have been guilty of trying to save everyone IRL.
But not here, never here.
I am somewhere between a realist & a pessimist, but for some reason, I have such high hopes for this place to be a sacred little bubble - it's my one place, I don't want my one place filled with liars & assholes, I've got that every place.
I wish there was a way that it could be that bubble.
To all y'all that are fucking with my bubble, I resent the shit out of you. I'm not a vengeful person, but honestly, I would like to piss on the one thing you care about, the one thing you need.
And to all y'all fake ass peeps, you're breaking a necessary thing.
And yes, I know, this is the internet, it's the way it's always been, the way it always will be. I just wish it wasn't.
Dunno whether to post or delete.
Have no point.
Just so, so sad & so, so tired...
Imma go to bed now.
Not a single fucking emoji to be seen, but at least a few swears to prove it's still me.
I'm glad SaSu exists, I really am.

love you dear friend. i'm glad you're here and glad I know you.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

seeing the fake posts that are obvious to everyone & then the more insidious fake posts done in clusters, with multiple participants, weaving their deception & fear, for the sake of it.

I see it more and more each day.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

love you dear friend. i'm glad you're here and glad I know you.

Same but fuck, I gotta start moving again. Being a whiny bitch on the internet helps no-one - the internet already be overflowing with whiny-ass bitches. I came here with one purpose, I haven't fulfilled that purpose, every day feels more of a failure than the last. I wish I went with P & Joe. Or now. Soon.
Fucking something.

I see it more and more each day.

Once the scales fall from the eyes, they don't seem to reattach .
You cannot unsee it.
Most days here, I just answer messages because I don't have much time & I get really angry when I waste that time reading fake-ass shit. I gave up my Batman days of trying to take them on, but I wish there was a new emoji in the reaction bit with the likes, hearts & hugs - I dunno what the emoji would be for "I see straight through you, asshole" but it would be the most used one for me - some lazy, lame suggestions
It's sad but it's always gonna be the good with the bad, the truth with the lies, but if I could have my sacred little, asshole-free, utopia bubble to see out my days, that's the dream.
Get rid of the "horrid" mofo's.
I really don't think this was what my mum had in mind, telling me that nursery rhyme - me putting it in an angry rant on a suicide forum.
Maybe if I finally CTB, I can ask her...
That's grim but funny .
Sorry mum (also not sorry, that nursery rhyme was mean AF ).
I think I mighta wasted today's time...

 

[Pale_Rider]

I like the positive parts of this post.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I like the positive parts of this post.

Oh man... I legit have absolutely no idea if that's a joke or sincere & I'm outta time for the day. That's gonna keep me up...

 

[Pale_Rider]

Well he said there are people here that understand. Thats true. Also I cant talk about suicide anywhere else. also true.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

Well he said there are people here that understand. Thats true. Also I cant talk about suicide anywhere else. also true.

I'm really glad I saw this before actually logging off. Thank you. Tonight's insomnia can focus on something else, instead.
I'm a she, not a he, but also really old so gendered terms don't affect me [defs NOT minimising for anyone else, just lots of peeps here (I think maybe even most??) assume I'm a he (have never actually wondered why until this very second, maybe that's tonight's insomnia focus )
& I never want anyone to feel the need to apologise, I never need one]

 

[CatLvr]

I feel you, dearie! (Especially the old lady part! )

 

[bankai]

As expected of sasu!sasuga!

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

Having a "not good" night.
A really, not great night.
I think Australians might be the best at understatements, the whole "she'll be right" attitude.
I dunno if the rest of the world knows we say that, but we do, a lot.
You can have your arm half torn off by a tractor, be bitten by a goddamn snake, have your partner die a gruesome death & the answer remains the same, even without a question, "she'll be right".
Our intergenerational trauma be showing.
The point being, if I can get there eventually, I don't always, is that tonight, I was not alright, it is bleak & hard & difficult to breathe & I couldn't find a way to self-soothe, to calm down, I was too far gone - so I came here.
No matter what complaints I have about SaSu & some of it's cunty commenters, I always circle back to gratitude. I never forget if I didn't have here, I'd have nowhere.
So if you identify as not-a-cunt, [cannot think of a word, am going to bed, it's not my fault I'm an Australian with a touch of the forgetty's (doc calls it TBI )]
thank you for being here & being
not-a-cunt. If you identify as the other team, fuck off.
If you object to the swears, report away, but this place in combination with the swears has got me breathing almost like a human again.
Thank fuck.
Goodnight.