SaSu - the social place for people who will likely CTB someday

[fuzzy-clown]

This is why I love this site. I could read and talk about CTB related topics with people who see the world similarly.
I recently got a warning for talking about CTB on a Discord server when I was ranting about CTB.

Does anyone else not plan on CTB anytime soon but probably will someday when you're ready? Is CTB just a part of who you are and/or your life plan? Something you think about when it suits you?

 

[day]

Suicide is the biggest decision a person can make regardless if they do or don't go through with it. I'm here so I don't feel like a criminal or weird for my desire towards non-existence.

We all have our own reasons but no one is here because they're having the time of their life so to say.

 

[MiMif]

This is why I love this site. I could read and talk about CTB related topics with people who see the world similarly.
I recently got a warning for talking about CTB on a Discord server when I was ranting about CTB.

Does anyone else not plan on CTB anytime soon but probably will someday when you're ready? Is CTB just a part of who you are and/or your life plan? Something you think about when it suits you?

I don't plan on ctbing for atleast another 5 years. Though I probably will someday.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

This is why I love this site. I could read and talk about CTB related topics with people who see the world similarly.
I recently got a warning for talking about CTB on a Discord server when I was ranting about CTB.

Does anyone else not plan on CTB anytime soon but probably will someday when you're ready? Is CTB just a part of who you are and/or your life plan? Something you think about when it suits you?

I am, I am not planing on ctb soon but someday just PM me if you need to talk

 

[J&L383]

More likely than not I will CTB rather than wither away at the end. I think having control over this part of your life is very powerful and reassuring.

 

[darknesscomesquick]

I am definitely planning on it. I've lived a life of depression and complex trauma. Trying to do that for any length of time is completely exhausting.

I've told people along the way that I view my mental "health" as a terminal illness. If it were an illness they could see such as cancer or even dementia of any type, suicide would be seen as heroic and justified. Fighting to get out of bed every day and try to hold a job and be productive isn't seen in the same light I'm finding.

I don't have a date yet. Right now, it's very comforting to be able to talk about it and feel like it's ok to have these thoughts and plans for the future, no matter how close or far those future plans may be.

 

[リンさん]

I want to CTB in maybe 10-15 years from now. It just really depends on my sense of accomplishment and how the world will be changing. Maybe I'll do it earlier, maybe even later.

CTB is my ultimate goal, my last plan to exit, my "off' button when I finally start feeling like there are no more things worth living for. I would do it now, as I'm not scared of dying, but it's not worth hurrying. The bus will always be there for me when I need it lol.

 

[DeadlineDialer]

I truly wish I had found this place earlier. This site is an oasis in the endless desert that is society's rigid demonization of any worldview that isn't smiles and handshakes. The date I've set is coming up and the only sad part about it is that I couldn't have spent more time on this forum. I've been forced into a corner of my own design which I don't care to fight out of, but I have no words for how grateful I am to have found this place by bizarre chance. Lurking here for the past month has been more healing and comforting than any inane conversation IRL, trying to convince me that life is some gift, and I'm the villain for daring to have a differing outlook to the irrefutable and exalted word of the powers that be.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

I wouldn't consider cbting if my life wasn't so bad. It's not a jolly topic for me at all or in general, although I suppose it's because I wish everyone could have a fulfilling enough life. To me sites like this are a just a necessity as people should have the resources for a rational CBT. Not to be rude, but I find it hard to take people seriously who see CBT as this casual thing and not something they desperately want and how consequential it is.

 

[Cloud Busting]

I attempted to ctb on august 28th and when I came back, people were happy I survived.

I am holding off on ctb. When I initially failed, I was plotting on discharging three days in and attempting again when I got out. Those three days gave me a pause button though. I realized that no one thought I was a burden, and that me dying would be a bigger burden than being stressed all the time. That no one was mad at me for failing my attempt proved to me that my reasonings for CTB were wrong.

I'm waiting to have valid reasons to CTB. Will I ever? Time will tell. If I cannot cope with my depression it will be inevitable, but I've decided to try to before giving up.

I stay here because I can be honest unlike most communities.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case suicide is all that makes sense to me, and will always feel like the only rational thing to wish for in this dreadful existence where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer. But sadly I'm still stuck here because suicide is so difficult and inaccessible to me.
If suicide actually is straightforward it would be such a relief but unfortunately we exist in a society where having access to reliable suicide methods is a privilege not a right.

 

[J&L383]

I am definitely planning on it. I've lived a life of depression and complex trauma. Trying to do that for any length of time is completely exhausting.

I've told people along the way that I view my mental "health" as a terminal illness. If it were an illness they could see such as cancer or even dementia of any type, suicide would be seen as heroic and justified. Fighting to get out of bed every day and try to hold a job and be productive isn't seen in the same light I'm finding.

I don't have a date yet. Right now, it's very comforting to be able to talk about it and feel like it's ok to have these thoughts and plans for the future, no matter how close or far those future plans may be.

My sentiments too.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

My current life circumstances make me suicidal and I'm having an active plan. Sometimes there's still some hope and still people are around who wouldn't survive me CTB. In the meantime SS is a great place to share similar thoughts with like minded people, to vent, to discuss other stuff, all without being judged.

 

[Tulip<3]

I recently got a warning for talking about CTB on a Discord server when I was ranting about CTB.

Does anyone else not plan on CTB anytime soon but probably will someday when you're ready? Is CTB just a part of who you are and/or your life plan? Something you think about when it suits you?

Me too, I am looking for my situation to hopefully get better (aka actual pain management/decent management of my disease) but if I can't find those things and I stay in this much pain, I will likely CTB. It's like there in the background if that makes sense.

I get you, and it's crazy how heavily suicide is censored all over the place. If people are actually serious about preventing suicides we would actually be able to talk openly about it, not have it shut down!

 

[wait.what]

I had no choice about when and whether I entered the world, but I would like to choose my time & manner of exit. We give our household pets that level of compassion and dignity.

I would rather not feel compelled to kill myself any time soon, but it is important to me that I have an option.

 

[Is0lated]

This is why I love this site. I could read and talk about CTB related topics with people who see the world similarly.
I recently got a warning for talking about CTB on a Discord server when I was ranting about CTB.

Does anyone else not plan on CTB anytime soon but probably will someday when you're ready? Is CTB just a part of who you are and/or your life plan? Something you think about when it suits you?

Back then I rushed ctb and failed. But now I've decided that I should wait for about 2 years or maybe even 4. I know that's a lot but I gotta prepare for every possibility.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Better here than irl lol. Besides, where else am I going to get detailed CTB tips

 

[thot88]

This site is not the cause but the symptom. You don't need the internet to commit suicide. Suicides have been committed thousands of years before the internet. Even if this site were to crash, the discussion would only flow to other sites

 

[Darknessallaround]

I joined 4 years ago after having 2 failed attempts. I'm still here.
I don't post much, prefering to just read the content here most of the time. But often, just reading other posts from likeminded people is enough to get me through another day.
I see the option to ctb is a safety-net, albeit an ironic one. Knowing that if things get too unbearable, I can if I choose to. That in itself is liberating, and in some ways life-saving, because it reminds me that whilst that choice is there, maybe I can hold on for a while longer.

 

[binks23]

While my life is currently not one that would make me attempt ctb, I absolutely will when my physical quality of life decreases drastically. This will either be from old age, chronic illness, or from a serious injury affecting me in the long run

 

[LonelyKitten]

I find this place really compassionate and accepting of suicidality, which is something I NEVER found in my real life.
I so so wish I had found this website sooner before I fucked up my life to a point where ctb might have become inevitable - where I'm so desperate, where my head is spinning so quickly, there is so little time, so little option, that I'm still struggling, despite seeking as much as I can handle, for there to be an alternative...

Because this place.
This level of understanding exists out in the world.
And this level of realism with regards to ctb - no guilting or threatening, "you would hurt x and y or think of z/we'll have you locked up"
I really just needed those honest and compassionate, and down-to-earth conversations about ctb, when I was at my lowest points.
That, ironically, could have prevented, or mitigated, the self-harm I kept engaging in.

Regardless of how things pan out, this community also provides ample resources to avoid a messy or dangerous ctb, if it still comes to that. So no matter what, it's great help, more than I'd ever found in any, say, mental health service or the like.
Thank you