Sadgirl121
Member
- Dec 12, 2023
- 44
Hey everyone, I'm glad to have been approved to join the SS. I wanted to share my story, in the hopes that I can help someone else, or someone can maybe help me.
Here is my story.
Back in the summer of 2007, is when my life changed forever. My mum had met my stepfather, a few years earlier, and decided to move to a new province to live with him, taking my brother and I with her. We left our beautiful town, mine and my mothers, birthplace, (Not going to say what for privacy reasons), packed up everything and said our goodbyes, little did 6 year old me realize what danger I was going to be in for the next 10 years. At first everything was amazing, it always is when you have something new in your life, especially as a kid. My stepfather was kind, caring, and considerate... Until he wasn't about a year later. I had made quite a few friends during that year but I was also was bullied a lot.
My story really starts when we had moved from one apartment to a bigger one, I had my own room, the top bunkbed, while my brother had his own room and the bottom part of a bunkbed. I loved being so high in the air, with my Dora sheets. I miss those sheets haha. I was a very trusting kid, I was 100% the kid who would take candy from a stranger not on Halloween. My stepfather knew this because he got to know me for a year. My mum and he always slept not together, my mum was on the couch, he took the master room with the big bed. It really started in the summer of 2008, just before I turned 8. I had one of the nightmares where you're falling in a dark bottomless pit, I mean hey don't all kids get those? I woke up panicked and ran into my stepfathers room, jumped in his bed and got under the covers and he woke up almost immediately. He asked who it was and I told him it was me, and that I had a nightmare, so he got up and closed the door, and got back in bed, I told him about the nightmare and he said the words that will haunt me forever, "Close your eyes, I know how to make you feel better." So me being very trusting I did, and he started rubbing my chest which tickled, I've always been ticklish, I giggled, and he told me to quiet down, while continuing. But then he started to go lower, and it tickled more and more, and at the time it felt good, I didn't know any better. At first he just ran his hand over it a few times, (Please keep in mind I was an 8 year old boy, I transitioned to female at the age of 19), and eventually he started to rub my privates, then he said he could do something else to make me feel really good, and he started to suck on my dick, he did that for a few minutes before he grabbed my hand and asked me o do the same to him, so I did. Eventually he brought out a vibrator and started using it on me and himself. The whole thing lasted about a half hour and when he was done he told me this would be our secret game, and we could only play it with each other, and told me to keep it a secret.
That was the first time, it didn't stop, eventually my mum moved away because they had split, and my stepfather manipulated my brother and I into believing she was leaving because she didn't care about us anymore so we both got angry at her, very very angry. I remember it was around October/November 2011, because of this we both stayed with him, because I still didn't know that what he was doing to me was wrong, and no one else knew it was going on. Throughout this time he had been physically abusive, he would destroy game consoles, he broke 3 of my phones, a school computer, and other electronics. But I thought it was because I did something to deserve it, because he always told me I deserved what I got. Over the years it never got better, it just got worse. I would constantly live in fear to the point when I was 14 I would sleep with a knife under my bed because I didn't know if he would come in and try to beat me while I was sleeping. He often used me wanting something as a way to abuse and molest me, if I wanted to go out with friends, or watch a TV show at night he would want a "favor" in return. I had no way to say no, I was scared to tell anyone because of how violent he had gotten. One evening, he basically forced me into the car because he got angry at me for something and kept telling me as he was driving recklessly that if I didn't apologize (I don't remember what it was about) that he would crash the car and kill us both. This was my breaking point, this was when I finally made a plan to try and escape, I had made my first and only attempt to running away. I didn't make it very far, but I did get away for the night. He found me the next day when I should've walked at night.
I wasn't able to go back to school because I had marks from him, and he had to wait for them to heal, he kept me under lock and key the next few days. When I did get back to school I walked right into the social workers office, I sat down, tears rolling down my face and told her everything, how he would regularly molest me, the violence, everything. She took me home to pack a go bag, and my mum was there so she explained everything to my mum, and gave my mum her contact information. She then took me to a group home. The next day while I was walking to school my stepfather found me, so I had to run to the group home and when I got back and rang the bell he had his hands on me, when they opened the door, they pulled me inside and kept him outside till the social worker got there. I gave him 5 minutes to talk to me with 4 other people in the room and at the end told him to never fucking talk or speak to me again.
A few days later my mum took me to live with her and my grandparents in a different province. For the longest time she didn't believe me saying "IF it happened why didn't you say something sooner" and stuff like that. For a while she even made me continue contact with my stepfather, until CPS got involved here because of a "Letter" he made me sign (while underage so it could not be legally binding) stating that I will never speak of what happened to me under threat of a Libel and slander lawsuit, which I was to present to my new schools principal, VERY SMART OF HIM to let me give that letter to her and tell her I WAS FORCED TO SIGN it. Once CPS got involved here, they made it very clear to my mum that her job security would be on the line if she allowed my stepfather access to communicate with me. She smartened up quite quickly.
I know I will never have my childhood or my innocence back. He brutally stole those from me, but what I do have, is depression, anxiety, intimacy issues, a lifetime of regret, for my youngerself, he is a monster, and he is still out there, when all of this was happening he worked a lot with the elementary school, and with the local scouts group. I can only imagine he has done this to other people, I can only imagine that he has hurt other kids. But there is not a damned thing I can do about it because I tried, and all it got me was tossed to the side, being told no one would ever believe me, I mean hell, my own mother didn't believe me. The only person to believe me was my grandmother, and she never liked my stepfather, never ever liked him.
I know a few paragraphs cannot fully explain what happened to me, but only provide a mere glimpse of why I am here now, but I will be damned if I let this fucking cunt win over me. I am suicidal, I have been for a long long fucking time, I recently told my grandmother that I've been in therapy, and told her I was ready to CTB (she wouldn't understand the term so I just said suicidal), and she had a wonderful chat with me for a half hour where I cried, she talked, talked about her own experience with it happening to her, by a family friend. That fucking broke me, I didn't show it but I was fucking furious when I heard that. She told me not to take the permanent solution to a temporary problem, and I told her I wouldn't. But fuck there are days I wish I would.
Therapy had done wonders for me, but I know also there are other certain things I need to experience before I can fully heal.
Thank you for reading my story.
I don't know how many people will see this, but Thank you.
Here is my story.
Back in the summer of 2007, is when my life changed forever. My mum had met my stepfather, a few years earlier, and decided to move to a new province to live with him, taking my brother and I with her. We left our beautiful town, mine and my mothers, birthplace, (Not going to say what for privacy reasons), packed up everything and said our goodbyes, little did 6 year old me realize what danger I was going to be in for the next 10 years. At first everything was amazing, it always is when you have something new in your life, especially as a kid. My stepfather was kind, caring, and considerate... Until he wasn't about a year later. I had made quite a few friends during that year but I was also was bullied a lot.
My story really starts when we had moved from one apartment to a bigger one, I had my own room, the top bunkbed, while my brother had his own room and the bottom part of a bunkbed. I loved being so high in the air, with my Dora sheets. I miss those sheets haha. I was a very trusting kid, I was 100% the kid who would take candy from a stranger not on Halloween. My stepfather knew this because he got to know me for a year. My mum and he always slept not together, my mum was on the couch, he took the master room with the big bed. It really started in the summer of 2008, just before I turned 8. I had one of the nightmares where you're falling in a dark bottomless pit, I mean hey don't all kids get those? I woke up panicked and ran into my stepfathers room, jumped in his bed and got under the covers and he woke up almost immediately. He asked who it was and I told him it was me, and that I had a nightmare, so he got up and closed the door, and got back in bed, I told him about the nightmare and he said the words that will haunt me forever, "Close your eyes, I know how to make you feel better." So me being very trusting I did, and he started rubbing my chest which tickled, I've always been ticklish, I giggled, and he told me to quiet down, while continuing. But then he started to go lower, and it tickled more and more, and at the time it felt good, I didn't know any better. At first he just ran his hand over it a few times, (Please keep in mind I was an 8 year old boy, I transitioned to female at the age of 19), and eventually he started to rub my privates, then he said he could do something else to make me feel really good, and he started to suck on my dick, he did that for a few minutes before he grabbed my hand and asked me o do the same to him, so I did. Eventually he brought out a vibrator and started using it on me and himself. The whole thing lasted about a half hour and when he was done he told me this would be our secret game, and we could only play it with each other, and told me to keep it a secret.
That was the first time, it didn't stop, eventually my mum moved away because they had split, and my stepfather manipulated my brother and I into believing she was leaving because she didn't care about us anymore so we both got angry at her, very very angry. I remember it was around October/November 2011, because of this we both stayed with him, because I still didn't know that what he was doing to me was wrong, and no one else knew it was going on. Throughout this time he had been physically abusive, he would destroy game consoles, he broke 3 of my phones, a school computer, and other electronics. But I thought it was because I did something to deserve it, because he always told me I deserved what I got. Over the years it never got better, it just got worse. I would constantly live in fear to the point when I was 14 I would sleep with a knife under my bed because I didn't know if he would come in and try to beat me while I was sleeping. He often used me wanting something as a way to abuse and molest me, if I wanted to go out with friends, or watch a TV show at night he would want a "favor" in return. I had no way to say no, I was scared to tell anyone because of how violent he had gotten. One evening, he basically forced me into the car because he got angry at me for something and kept telling me as he was driving recklessly that if I didn't apologize (I don't remember what it was about) that he would crash the car and kill us both. This was my breaking point, this was when I finally made a plan to try and escape, I had made my first and only attempt to running away. I didn't make it very far, but I did get away for the night. He found me the next day when I should've walked at night.
I wasn't able to go back to school because I had marks from him, and he had to wait for them to heal, he kept me under lock and key the next few days. When I did get back to school I walked right into the social workers office, I sat down, tears rolling down my face and told her everything, how he would regularly molest me, the violence, everything. She took me home to pack a go bag, and my mum was there so she explained everything to my mum, and gave my mum her contact information. She then took me to a group home. The next day while I was walking to school my stepfather found me, so I had to run to the group home and when I got back and rang the bell he had his hands on me, when they opened the door, they pulled me inside and kept him outside till the social worker got there. I gave him 5 minutes to talk to me with 4 other people in the room and at the end told him to never fucking talk or speak to me again.
A few days later my mum took me to live with her and my grandparents in a different province. For the longest time she didn't believe me saying "IF it happened why didn't you say something sooner" and stuff like that. For a while she even made me continue contact with my stepfather, until CPS got involved here because of a "Letter" he made me sign (while underage so it could not be legally binding) stating that I will never speak of what happened to me under threat of a Libel and slander lawsuit, which I was to present to my new schools principal, VERY SMART OF HIM to let me give that letter to her and tell her I WAS FORCED TO SIGN it. Once CPS got involved here, they made it very clear to my mum that her job security would be on the line if she allowed my stepfather access to communicate with me. She smartened up quite quickly.
I know I will never have my childhood or my innocence back. He brutally stole those from me, but what I do have, is depression, anxiety, intimacy issues, a lifetime of regret, for my youngerself, he is a monster, and he is still out there, when all of this was happening he worked a lot with the elementary school, and with the local scouts group. I can only imagine he has done this to other people, I can only imagine that he has hurt other kids. But there is not a damned thing I can do about it because I tried, and all it got me was tossed to the side, being told no one would ever believe me, I mean hell, my own mother didn't believe me. The only person to believe me was my grandmother, and she never liked my stepfather, never ever liked him.
I know a few paragraphs cannot fully explain what happened to me, but only provide a mere glimpse of why I am here now, but I will be damned if I let this fucking cunt win over me. I am suicidal, I have been for a long long fucking time, I recently told my grandmother that I've been in therapy, and told her I was ready to CTB (she wouldn't understand the term so I just said suicidal), and she had a wonderful chat with me for a half hour where I cried, she talked, talked about her own experience with it happening to her, by a family friend. That fucking broke me, I didn't show it but I was fucking furious when I heard that. She told me not to take the permanent solution to a temporary problem, and I told her I wouldn't. But fuck there are days I wish I would.
Therapy had done wonders for me, but I know also there are other certain things I need to experience before I can fully heal.
Thank you for reading my story.
I don't know how many people will see this, but Thank you.
