I am struggling to forgive myself for certain mistakes. I've never hated myself so much before for specific things in the past year. I was gentle on myself in the past and viewed mistake as learning opportunities but the ones in the past year I regret so badly and I absolutely hate myself so much. I hate who I was when I made those mistakes and who I've become (a depressed mess) as a result. I feel like such a useless person. I don't like myself.
@ecmnesia How do you forgive yourself so easily?
there is the thing. i don't. i hate myself for many of the things I've done. i hate me for how I treated many of my friends. i hate myself for giving up on me and choosing what was a best fit for others. i will never be able to forgive myself for not seeking justice when i could easily go to court against my offender. but I dont know... i sometimes beat myself around for those stuff, it hurts, I won't lie. but I realized that what is done, it's done.
no matter how much I blame myself, things won't change. time won't go back, I won't retrieve the things and opportunities I lost, and I hate this, but that's a fact, and all I can do is to accept it.
when I am on better days, i try to use this frustration, this pain, as an impulse, a reminder for me to never again go through the same paths. it's true on one hand that I became a bitter person, i isolated myself from most of my friends, and some would say that i am selfish, but i feel a little bit more free, putting myself first.
i think it depends on the mistakes you made. but I will give you a personal example. in high school I got myself an abusive boyfriend, i did everything for that guy and he was my sun. no matter what he did, how bad he treated me, I'd always move mountains and fight wars to stick around him and defend him. and I hate myself for disregarding my feelings, needs and personality, just so I could please him. I lost what was supposed to be the best 4 years of my life, I lost friends, I lost colleges and jobs opportunities, and nothing in the world will ever make this regret fade. I will always have the burden of those choices to carry. i can't change it. but I can guarantee that I won't EVER, no matter what, will go back there. I won't ever suppress myself again for the sake of others. I'd rather die alone than go through all of this again. That comes with a price tho, i can't engage in any meaningful relationships, i trust no one and I isolated myself from the world.. idk
im not sure if any of this can be of help... i ended up venting and not concluding a thing, but i hope you can get something out of this.
from the bottom of my heart, i hope you can get better, and you can always count on me to talk if you want to.
