Running Away & Renting a Hotel Room

[Frog]

I just need to complete the final step: renting a hotel room. I've got one 100ml bottle of N and meto. I'm really nervous about this because my mom will panic when I disappear. I need to change the password on my bank account so she can't track it. I'm really, really nervous.

I'm also worried about the meto regimen (should I just take 30mg half an hour before?) and whether one bottle of N is enough. I'm 4'11 and 109lbs. D said it would be enough, but I'm not sure.

This is all so stressful. I feel so guilty and afraid.

Guess I've gotta destroy some packaging first.

 

[Sittichmutter]

Frog,
How old are you?
You seem like a kid to me.
If you are a kid, Just don't do It.
Your mom will be desperate enough.
And happy when she sees you again. Take a chance to talk to her everything that is going on your mind.

 

[Frog]

I'm 26. I'm in a complicated codependent relationship with her and I have several severe mental illnesses I've been treated for since I was a child. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't handle the paranoia and stress anymore.

And as a caretaker, she shouldn't have to either. I can't drive, I've never had a real job, and I haven't been able to feel hunger or happiness in over a year. I'm trying to qualify for disability but it's almost guaranteed to fail and it's degrading anyway. Also, hi, I've lost every connection I've ever had and I've been trapped in a small room battling constant OCD and emotional landmines for four years.

 

[Seiba]

One bottle is more than enough for one hundred pounds. If you have a phone I would be wary of taking that with you to a hotel as well -- that could be used for tracking. I don't really think the guilt tripping (unintended or not) is really needed here. It's not healthy to live for other people, and otherwise we have no idea what this person's relationship is with the household member. The well meaning advice of "the person will be happy when she sees you again" can vary wildly.

 

[Sittichmutter]

I'm 26. I'm in a complicated codependent relationship with her and I have several severe mental illnesses I've been treated for since I was a child. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't handle the paranoia and stress anymore.

And as a caretaker, she shouldn't have to either. I can't drive, I've never had a real job, and I haven't been able to feel hunger or happiness in over a year. I'm trying to qualify for disability but it's almost guaranteed to fail and it's degrading anyway. Also, hi, I've lost every connection I've ever had and I've been trapped in a small room battling constant OCD and emotional landmines for four years.

I am really sorry about your situation. It must be really painfull.
Would It get better If you quality for disability?

 

[NSA]

I wish I had advice to give, but I don't, so I'll just say good luck

 

[Frog]

I am really sorry about your situation. It must be really painfull.
Would It get better If you quality for disability?

Not really... I'd probably still hate myself constantly and feel trapped in the cycle of learned helplessness and self-destruction I always am. I might feel a little better for contributing money to the household, but nothing else.

 

[Pau MP]

wishing all the best

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I'm sorry that it has come to this. I can imagine it must be awful living with so much stress. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Lost Magic]

You already have your N. So, why the rush? It seems like you might not be ready yet and all this is stressing you out.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I just need to complete the final step: renting a hotel room. I've got one 100ml bottle of N and meto. I'm really nervous about this because my mom will panic when I disappear. I need to change the password on my bank account so she can't track it. I'm really, really nervous.

I'm also worried about the meto regimen (should I just take 30mg half an hour before?) and whether one bottle of N is enough. I'm 4'11 and 109lbs. D said it would be enough, but I'm not sure.

This is all so stressful. I feel so guilty and afraid.

Guess I've gotta destroy some packaging first.

If you already have the N, you know you're good to go when you want to. So why not wait to see if the disability comes through? If that goes your way, you may feel more confident that you can continue for a while longer, confident in the knowledge you can go at any time due to having the N.

If you do this knowing your Mom will panic, she will probably report you missing, and the police may come looking and find you, especially if you paid by card, the police can request payment info from your bank if there's a harm risk, and then find you and seize your N - then where will you be?

I have a similar plan, but I have decided I need to do it when my family go on holiday for 2 weeks, which they do a couple of times a year, so that I'm not reported missing, and I can take my time without the risk of having ingredients seized. Even then, I will hide them well in case I am reported by the hotel staff for being a suspicious oddball!

Bide your time, no need to rush and alarm people into looking for you - you have your N, hide it well, you are in control - chill for a bit and see how things pan out.

 

[Frog]

Wow...thank you for all the advice, guys. You're really compassionate. I guess it makes sense that if I just hide my supplies for a while, at least until my next therapy visit (if he's alive, poor guy has long haul COVID so I haven't been able to see him in months) it would be okay.

I guess I've been suppressing a lot of stress to seem less volatile so that I could rationally get the supplies and make an escape plan. Now that I have it, I can sit on the escape plan for a little while.