Ruminating on heaven, hell, and suicide!!

[Serena 2026]

I was told that dying before one's time is a sin... but I died yesterday, the day before, last month, and no one noticed. I was told hell is hot, but I've already burned alive during those late nights when I cried silently so as not to disturb anyone. I was told heaven is for the good, but I don't know if I want to live in a place that never cared about me. I was told to get back on my feet, but they didn't mention I'd need plenty of faith and strong legs. God, forgive me... for if You truly exist—just like that hell where I already have a reserved seat—and if heaven exists, I don't think they even know my name there!!

 

[Macedonian1987]

I was told that dying before one's time is a sin... but I died yesterday, the day before, last month, and no one noticed. I was told hell is hot, but I've already burned alive during those late nights when I cried silently so as not to disturb anyone. I was told heaven is for the good, but I don't know if I want to live in a place that never cared about me. I was told to get back on my feet, but they didn't mention I'd need plenty of faith and strong legs. God, forgive me... for if You truly exist—just like that hell where I already have a reserved seat—and if heaven exists, I don't think they even know my name there!!

I hear how incredibly exhausted and invisible you feel right now, and I am so deeply sorry that you are carrying such a heavy, crushing weight all by yourself. Please know that your words and the profound pain behind them are being seen and heard right now. You are not invisible here.
The kind of hurt you are describing, where you feel like you are burning alive in the quiet of the night, is a devastating burden to bear alone. It makes complete sense that you feel tired of trying to stand up when it feels like you have nothing left to lean on. But please know that you do not have to have everything figured out tonight, and you do not have to carry this entirely on your own legs.

 

[Serena 2026]

I hear how incredibly exhausted and invisible you feel right now, and I am so deeply sorry that you are carrying such a heavy, crushing weight all by yourself. Please know that your words and the profound pain behind them are being seen and heard right now. You are not invisible here.
The kind of hurt you are describing, where you feel like you are burning alive in the quiet of the night, is a devastating burden to bear alone. It makes complete sense that you feel tired of trying to stand up when it feels like you have nothing left to lean on. But please know that you do not have to have everything figured out tonight, and you do not have to carry this entirely on your own legs.

Thank you for your kindness, and don't worry... I'll be at peace soon!!

 

[Forever Sleep]

Your post reminded me of the brilliant David Bowie lyrics: 'The Gods forgot they made me. So I forgot them too.'

I know what you mean though. I wouldn't even want to live in a heaven created by the same God that created this world. How could they be trusted? Not that we'll probably get a choice where we go- if there is an afterlife and if there is a God. Life hasn't been consensual so far.

 

[Serena 2026]

Thank you for your words; they mean a lot to me... It's amazing how I found myself in SaSu; here, I identify with others who are just like me. There is acceptance and empathy, and I can speak openly about how I feel—things that, out there, even my family doesn't want to hear about... Here, our pain is laid bare without shame, and that is liberating... I don't know the David Bowie lyrics you mentioned—I'll look them up!

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I too have been told that ending my life early is a sin, but so what? Do you know what the definition of sin even is? As far as I understand it, it's nothing more than offending some cosmic dictator. Even having bad thoughts about him is a sin, according to religious idiots. If there's a God, regardless of what happens to me, I'm rejecting them to their face. The pain you and others have gone through never should've happened, but it did. If there is a God, they are completely at fault and they should be begging us for forgiveness, not the other way around.

I wish you nothing but peace and kindness but for God, if he's real, I wish him nothing but hatred and curses.

 

[Serena 2026]

I fully agree with your way of thinking, and that is exactly how I feel about God... I just can't bring myself to wish for bad things, but I understand your indignation... take care!!