Ruminating 24/7

[theguineapigking]

No, it's not the bullies, I get triggered heavily because people actually have lives. Especially relationships and sex, it's everywhere you can't escape it.
I used to go on dates and I can't anymore, I can't live my life, I now have massive insecurities. I feel deformed and ugly because of the damage from plastic surgery. I don't hear voices, but I have intrusive thoughts, obsessions, looped thoughts, all related to the surgery. I am always thinking how could everything gone so wrong and why it has to be this way. How happy I could be if it didn't. And I am hyper aware of my appearance at all times.
My mind is completely broken.

Damn. I am really sorry to hear that. I wish you didn't feel deformed and ugly. It's your body that was injured, not you(deep perspective). Is there any way that it can be corrected? Is there anything that can be done? Is this your sole reason for depression?


I do underhand the feeling of seeing others as more accomplished. This is pretty common, especially on this forum. It's different, but I have extreme fatigue and other crap, so I don't drive. I sucked in school and made it half way through algebra 2(home schooled). My brother crushed it. He's driving, better in school, going to college probably, etc. I'm 21 living at home. It's a bad feeling to feel limited and more helpless...I know this is entirely different than your situation though. Is the only reason you don't go on dates anymore because of the surgery accident? Surely there's someone out there for you...


I've dealt with intrusive thoughts too. It was bad when I was younger. Really bad... it's a trapping feeling where you want to just jump out of your skin(best way to explain it). Have you tried any meds? Whether that be Zoloft or even relaxers like velerian?

 

[mpnf]

I am trying not to wake up because my thoughts are quiter if I am not fully awakened.
I am so tired.

This is the same that happens to me, when I'm awake but with my eyes closed it seems my mind is not too hard on myself , when I open them and see the same as always, my mind feels like going crazy. It's exhausting mentally.
I'm tired of not feeling myself , like I used too.
Listening to some favourite music sometimes help me ease my thoughts. But thinking about it..not that much.

Hope you are better somehow ; )

 

[I screwed up]

I too wish I never wake up alive and when I do I go back Into the loop of depression and wanting to ctb. ... But then there r days when I prefer to sleep the whole day and then there r days I dread sleeping ... Its so fucking crazy... My SI is so bad it just stops me from even sourcing SN which is my method....