terry_a_davis
Warlock
- Dec 28, 2019
- 707
Hey there is still the possibility of getting N in the UK. Do a search "N from C".Yes, I know Nembutal/pentobarbital is the "gold standard" in ctb. Coincidentally, I really got into watching as US show called Mary Kills People late last year, which was all about people's right to die on their own terms. Of course, the characters had terminal illnesses, which is a different case than hopelessness. But it highlighted the fact that pento is something you can no longer get (outside of South America), because people used it to exit peacefully.
No, never attempted ctb. Too afraid of both the end, what it'd do to my family, as well as the mess left behind. And also the results of a failed attempt. If I were to do it, it wouldn't be for attention seeking; it would be because I wanted an end to being in my head. So OD or cutting wouldn't be options. Both would just get me sectioned.
More than the pain, it's the finality that scares me. There's no Undo.
Have been through depression many, many times and always will for reasons I don't really understand. But it's the thoughts of the futility of my existence and my inability to move fwd in life that get me when The Black Dog (Churchill's name for his depression) visits.
Having read reports of celebrities, those in the public eye & normal people from various statistics that have ctb, I reckon several would've already ctb in my situation. But the fear of what happens next is just insurmountable for me.
I've wasted so much money w/ the idea that "once I've got this or done that, everything'll finally be ok". Nope.
Whatever I do or buy, *I'll* still be the constant, so nowt will improve. This would be enough to push many to ctb. But the various fears are just too great for me.
I hate that I'm such a coward & have become so self absorbed. I figure I kinda deserve to be stuck this limbo.
... Forgot to add; yes, you *could* of course try ordering nembutal online, but a) Customs wouldn't let it through and b) even if it did get through, how the hell do you know what you've *actually* been sent? Could be just water, saline - or something else that would definitely NOT involve a peaceful death.
Are you in the UK, Terry?
... Hell, can I even ask that question on the public forum?
I only ask as you may not have the same issues w/ restriction of Nembutal if you're not in the UK.
I've had bouts of feeling low but not serious depression thankfully, it must be tough for you.
It sounds like you've been unlucky with your mental health I wouldn't beat yourself up too much if you can.
There's a chance N wouldn't get through customs but only a small chance. I know people who have fairly recently ordered 'product' (not N, but something just as illegal) several times from abroad and it's got through customs ok.
N's purity from the supplier C has been tested by Energy Control in Spain by 2 forum members that I've heard of and although it isn't as pure as C claims it's still pure enough to ctb.
Yes I'm in the UK, I see you are too, it was a pleasant day here today weather wise i took my dog for a couple of nice walks, how was it for you?
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