RIP 😔

[aGoodDayToDie]

Been talking anonymously with someone I met here a few weeks ago. Looks like she killed herself tonight. I tried to give her hope and support which she seemed to appreciate but it wasn't enough to save her.

On reflection, it's not something I care to repeat in a hurry. It's taken a lot out of me.

It's been a bad week, too. 3 friends have gotten funny with me. And now one's killed themselves it seems. Why is it so fucking hard to find people who understand and accept mental health difficulties, but aren't intent on killing themselves??

I seem to be one of the very very few people stuck in fucking limbo. Can't live, can't die. I think most people who could associate are so fucking withdrawn I'm unlikely to find many, and extremely unlikely to meet any face to face for a supportive friendship

I feel lost. Empty. Alone. I just fucking fail at everything. I'm a loser. Society looks down on me. Noone understands

 

[TimetoGo!]

Maybe they just havnt responded……doesn't mean they have died.

Many disappear for different reasons.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over it

 

[FuneralCry]

This is a suicide forum so in my opinion it's not really a place to look for and make friends. People just come here to plan their death after all.

 

[february in alaska]

This is a suicide forum so in my opinion it's not really a place to look for and make friends. People just come here to plan their death after all.

I think there's some truth to being cautious about getting attached to people here, but you have to understand the other half of this site is literally a *recovery* forum. Some people don't want to die, they just don't see any other way out. Some people want to die but they don't have a concrete plan and they're just here to discuss it with others who understand. Any forum is always going to have an aspect of community built into it

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

This is a suicide forum so in my opinion it's not really a place to look for and make friends. People just come here to plan their death after all.

Many do, but also many end up in the recovery section, or recovering while having SI and finding comfort in being around people who understand.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry for your loss. It is a real risk here though, I'm afraid. I think you almost need to vet people out at the start if you are hoping for a longer term friendship. Not to say someone's situation won't suddenly change but I suspect some of us are nearer the edge than others.

I actually still miss someone who CTB the December before last. I suppose I knew she was nearing her time. We both chose to open up knowing the risk and, I had/have to respect her decision- as I hope she would have accepted mine if the roles had been reversed.

I think we do have to ask ourselves when we form a closer bond though- am I going to be able to cope with it if and when they do go?

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i don't think u should blame yourself for 'not being able to save them'. if they were on here there's a good chance they didn't want to be saved. i'm sure they appreciated having some1 to talk to in their final days :) but i also agree w what timetogo said.

i can relate to being trapped btwn a rock & a hard place. can't live, but can't get urself to die either. def not fun & i h8 that for us i wish u luck in ur search for friendship<333 hope you're able to locate the kind of person you're looking for.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

I'm sorry for your loss. It is a real risk here though, I'm afraid. I think you almost need to vet people out at the start if you are hoping for a longer term friendship. Not to say someone's situation won't suddenly change but I suspect some of us are nearer the edge than others.

I actually still miss someone who CTB the December before last. I suppose I knew she was nearing her time. We both chose to open up knowing the risk and, I had/have to respect her decision- as I hope she would have accepted mine if the roles had been reversed.

I think we do have to ask ourselves when we form a closer bond though- am I going to be able to cope with it if and when they do go?

Yeah, I had a feeling as soon as we started talking, she took every precaution not to be identifiable; I had a feeling what was coming. I decided to try and just be there for her anyway, maybe change her mind, but at least be there for her. I was also in a particularly dark place but as she got closer and closer to ctbing, I learned something ... about myself mostly, that I did see it as a tragic loss of life, I saw hope she didn't, and the devastation she was to leave behind, and I guess it made me question my own suicidal ideation and all sorts of stuff, ethics of SS, ... idk I'm waffling/venting now. Don't know what I'm saying.

Usually I steered clear of things like goodbye threads. Some how I got too tangled up here. I don't know what I want anymore. I want to talk to people who understand SI for mutual empathy and support. Maybe it's expecting the impossible??

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

This is a suicide forum so in my opinion it's not really a place to look for and make friends. People just come here to plan their death after all.

I think it kinda depends on your mindset.
After all, very few people get to die not alone...

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

I guess that's because you have groupies and followers

May I ask who?

Sorry idk, I've lost track of who is who. I just tried looking through messages and profiles and can't work it out

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

I want to talk to people who understand SI for mutual empathy and support. Maybe it's expecting the impossible??

Maybe check the recovery board? It might have more people in your position than this one.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I'm sorry. I understand how much it hurts to lose a friend. I've had people I grew close to here die by suicide.

Of course, I understand their reasons and will always respect their decisions. But just because we understand why someone couldn't stay, doesn't diminish the pain of losing them or fill the void left behind. A couple of my friends truly wanted to live, but simply couldn't, and that is often what hurts most.

Unfortunately, this is a part and parcel of being on a site of this nature. People come and go. Some leave, some recover, some die.

As someone who was consumed with guilt when one of my closest friends from here died a couple of years ago, I just want you to know it's not your fault that you couldn't save her. Some people are past that point and have made up their mind. You did what you could to support her and I'm sure she really appreciated it. May she rest in peace.

I can empathise with the position you're in, being in such a hard place but trying to live, and just wanting to find someone in a similar set of circumstances who will hopefully be able to stick around. It's a tough situation, and I'm sorry. It's one of those things that's difficult to ever be certain of, that someone struggling and on the edge will be able to stay. But perhaps those actively in recovery are more likely to do so?

I have ended up inevitably forming connections here because I get attached to people and find it too difficult to distance myself completely. It's hard at times, because on one hand I really appreciate the people I've gotten to know here. On the other, I'm in a position where I'm almost always on the verge of taking my life and mindful of the impact this could have on anyone I get close to. And the fact that it will be devastating to lose them too, even though I'll understand.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

i don't think u should blame yourself for 'not being able to save them'. if they were on here there's a good chance they didn't want to be saved. i'm sure they appreciated having some1 to talk to in their final days :) but i also agree w what timetogo said.

i can relate to being trapped btwn a rock & a hard place. can't live, but can't get urself to die either. def not fun & i h8 that for us i wish u luck in ur search for friendship<333 hope you're able to locate the kind of person you're looking for.

Thank you

 

[Life_and_Death]

Why is it so fucking hard to find people who understand and accept mental health difficulties, but aren't intent on killing themselves??

you can pm me if you want. im not 100% im the definition of what youre looking for but im trying to not kms (its just been proven to so far be a good idea, not something i actually want.)

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

I'm sorry for your loss. It is a real risk here though, I'm afraid. I think you almost need to vet people out at the start if you are hoping for a longer term friendship. Not to say someone's situation won't suddenly change but I suspect some of us are nearer the edge than others.

I actually still miss someone who CTB the December before last. I suppose I knew she was nearing her time. We both chose to open up knowing the risk and, I had/have to respect her decision- as I hope she would have accepted mine if the roles had been reversed.

I think we do have to ask ourselves when we form a closer bond though- am I going to be able to cope with it if and when they do go?

Thank you

 

[superwacki]

i felt this post so much bro. i dont want to live, in fact i hate living, but i can't get myself to die. i joined this site in hopes of finding a community that understands me and i understand them, and where i can hopefully get myself on the road of my recovery from being severely depressed for so many years, starting so young. living is almost like hell for me, but despite feeling like this about my own life, i want to try to save others, yk? to be of help for them, and to form good bonds with. i already feel like an outlier of society because "normal" people can't comprehend my battles, but the ones who can are just so broken beyond repair and headstrong on being ready to go. it would be nice to at least relate with someone that's on a similar level of things as i am.

i feel so disconnected from reality, where no one gets me. in order to fit in i often have to put on a mask and pretend im okay and that everything's going good. im damn good at it too, so when theres moments where i take the mask off and expose my true self to some people lucky enough to catch that, i drive them away?? shit isn't fair. im there for them every step of the way, i offer my hand for anything. but whenever i need a hand with my struggles, at least the slightest bit of acknowledgement, it's like they're gone.

life is harsh. Fuckkkkkkk i hate being alive, i wanna die so bad but i dont wanna act on it. it feels like a bubble in my head that cant fucking pop. maybe the day i completely snap and lose any sense of judgment is when that bubble pops. its like im falling from the doors of grace but theres no floor to land on. total failure

 

[Unattainable666]

Yeah, I had a feeling as soon as we started talking, she took every precaution not to be identifiable; I had a feeling what was coming. I decided to try and just be there for her anyway, maybe change her mind, but at least be there for her. I was also in a particularly dark place but as she got closer and closer to ctbing, I learned something ... about myself mostly, that I did see it as a tragic loss of life, I saw hope she didn't, and the devastation she was to leave behind, and I guess it made me question my own suicidal ideation and all sorts of stuff, ethics of SS, ... idk I'm waffling/venting now. Don't know what I'm saying.

Usually I steered clear of things like goodbye threads. Some how I got too tangled up here. I don't know what I want anymore. I want to talk to people who understand SI for mutual empathy and support. Maybe it's expecting the impossible??

I understand completely

 

[Guy Smiley]

I seem to be one of the very very few people stuck in fucking limbo. Can't live, can't die. I think most people who could associate are so fucking withdrawn I'm unlikely to find many, and extremely unlikely to meet any face to face for a supportive friendship

Just judging from what I have read on the forum over the past six weeks since I joined SaSu, it seems to me that there are actually quite a lot of people who are stuck in this limbo of finding life unbearable but not being able to bring themselves to CTB. I think there are a lot of people in the world who don't want to go on with life but at the same time don't want to die (especially by suicide).

There are of course many different reasons for this, but I think a pretty common one is that what many people actually want is not death per se, but rather an end to their pain and suffering. They just can't see any way to achieve that other than through death. I would definitely say I am one of those people.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

i felt this post so much bro. i dont want to live, in fact i hate living, but i can't get myself to die. i joined this site in hopes of finding a community that understands me and i understand them, and where i can hopefully get myself on the road of my recovery from being severely depressed for so many years, starting so young. living is almost like hell for me, but despite feeling like this about my own life, i want to try to save others, yk? to be of help for them, and to form good bonds with. i already feel like an outlier of society because "normal" people can't comprehend my battles, but the ones who can are just so broken beyond repair and headstrong on being ready to go. it would be nice to at least relate with someone that's on a similar level of things as i am.

i feel so disconnected from reality, where no one gets me. in order to fit in i often have to put on a mask and pretend im okay and that everything's going good. im damn good at it too, so when theres moments where i take the mask off and expose my true self to some people lucky enough to catch that, i drive them away?? shit isn't fair. im there for them every step of the way, i offer my hand for anything. but whenever i need a hand with my struggles, at least the slightest bit of acknowledgement, it's like they're gone.

life is harsh. Fuckkkkkkk i hate being alive, i wanna die so bad but i dont wanna act on it. it feels like a bubble in my head that cant fucking pop. maybe the day i completely snap and lose any sense of judgment is when that bubble pops. its like im falling from the doors of grace but theres no floor to land on. total failure

Yeah. I've tried talking to a number of people that I got to know in more healthy circles who admitted to struggling at times but they just couldn't empathise with my desire to die, I even got told I wasn't taking responsibility for my life and they cut me off. It's so frustrating

 

[mrelief82]

Been talking anonymously with someone I met here a few weeks ago. Looks like she killed herself tonight. I tried to give her hope and support which she seemed to appreciate but it wasn't enough to save her.

On reflection, it's not something I care to repeat in a hurry. It's taken a lot out of me.

It's been a bad week, too. 3 friends have gotten funny with me. And now one's killed themselves it seems. Why is it so fucking hard to find people who understand and accept mental health difficulties, but aren't intent on killing themselves??

I seem to be one of the very very few people stuck in fucking limbo. Can't live, can't die. I think most people who could associate are so fucking withdrawn I'm unlikely to find many, and extremely unlikely to meet any face to face for a supportive friendship

I feel lost. Empty. Alone. I just fucking fail at everything. I'm a loser. Society looks down on me. Noone understands

I understand… feeling just like you . Lost a friend from here too…i thought she will pull through maybe.