I know the title of this post may be rather confusing, but I really mean no offense to people who have suffered sexual abuse in their lives. I also apologize for my poor english skills, since it is not my first language.
Well, I'm a rare kind of trash human being, I do define myself as an incel, not in the woman hating sense, but in the literal sense: that of being deprived of sex due to other people's choices. Having said that, I had to live like this for my entire life, listenning to all kinds of silly platitudes, like "looks don't matter" and that sooner or later I'd find someone, however, at the ripe old age of 34, of course, none of that happened.
So, I decided long ago to give it a "push", and began going out with guys (I'm gay, by the way) who went out with me in exchange for money. I confess that I did notice the sadness in their eyes, but recently, all that took proportions that I couldn't fathom in my worst nightmares!
I met a guy who's addicted to heavy drugs, like cocaine and crack, and we started going out, but as our encounters went by, I started noticing an increasingly growing sorrow in his countenance, everytime I had to touch him. That soon turned into aggression, and as soon as he got the money he wanted for drugs, he'd forget our agreement and do all in his power for me not to touch him. He would however be extremely kind and lovable at times, especially when he wanted something. The thing is, I started nurturing feelings for this guy, and even offered to pay him to just go to my apartment and talk to me. It was a nightmare, since he was addicted to porn, and wanted to watch it on my flat TV, and would make it clear that he did not want me there at all. I'd pay him to tolerate me by his side while he masturbated, and when we talked, it was all about when he had sex with chicks who didn't charge him for that, or with prostitutes, what hurted me was that, he did not have to undergo the humiliation and dehumanization I had to, when I paid him, a prostitute, to have sex with me and still would NOT get what I paid for.
Bear in mind that, all the while, I heard rumours about other gay men with whom he did "business", and, guess what, I'm the only one with whom he didn't have the guts to have intercourse. Aparently, only I repulsed him in that manner.
He always made me feel as if I was a disgusting person who'd force others into unwanted sex, even though, he is the one I met as a male prostitute, and he's only 3 years my Junior (he's 31, I'm 34). The disgust, contempt and violence he shows when I try to make him fulfill what he promissed me, in return for the money I gave him are things so painful and humilliating that they are dragging me straight to the tomb.
Nonetheless, at times, he does things no human being on Earth, especially ones I've been nurturing feelings for has ever done, like saying that he loves me while kissing me for hours, and all that...
We see plenty of posts mentioning how attractive people are subjected to sexual abuse, and that is indeed absurd, but seldom do we see anyone speaking of how many attractive people also use their attractiveness to take financial advantage and sometimes "mind-rape" non attractive people.
Well, I'm a rare kind of trash human being, I do define myself as an incel, not in the woman hating sense, but in the literal sense: that of being deprived of sex due to other people's choices. Having said that, I had to live like this for my entire life, listenning to all kinds of silly platitudes, like "looks don't matter" and that sooner or later I'd find someone, however, at the ripe old age of 34, of course, none of that happened.
So, I decided long ago to give it a "push", and began going out with guys (I'm gay, by the way) who went out with me in exchange for money. I confess that I did notice the sadness in their eyes, but recently, all that took proportions that I couldn't fathom in my worst nightmares!
I met a guy who's addicted to heavy drugs, like cocaine and crack, and we started going out, but as our encounters went by, I started noticing an increasingly growing sorrow in his countenance, everytime I had to touch him. That soon turned into aggression, and as soon as he got the money he wanted for drugs, he'd forget our agreement and do all in his power for me not to touch him. He would however be extremely kind and lovable at times, especially when he wanted something. The thing is, I started nurturing feelings for this guy, and even offered to pay him to just go to my apartment and talk to me. It was a nightmare, since he was addicted to porn, and wanted to watch it on my flat TV, and would make it clear that he did not want me there at all. I'd pay him to tolerate me by his side while he masturbated, and when we talked, it was all about when he had sex with chicks who didn't charge him for that, or with prostitutes, what hurted me was that, he did not have to undergo the humiliation and dehumanization I had to, when I paid him, a prostitute, to have sex with me and still would NOT get what I paid for.
Bear in mind that, all the while, I heard rumours about other gay men with whom he did "business", and, guess what, I'm the only one with whom he didn't have the guts to have intercourse. Aparently, only I repulsed him in that manner.
He always made me feel as if I was a disgusting person who'd force others into unwanted sex, even though, he is the one I met as a male prostitute, and he's only 3 years my Junior (he's 31, I'm 34). The disgust, contempt and violence he shows when I try to make him fulfill what he promissed me, in return for the money I gave him are things so painful and humilliating that they are dragging me straight to the tomb.
Nonetheless, at times, he does things no human being on Earth, especially ones I've been nurturing feelings for has ever done, like saying that he loves me while kissing me for hours, and all that...
We see plenty of posts mentioning how attractive people are subjected to sexual abuse, and that is indeed absurd, but seldom do we see anyone speaking of how many attractive people also use their attractiveness to take financial advantage and sometimes "mind-rape" non attractive people.
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