Rethinking your life in the psych ward

[noname223]

Here this is passage from a text about David Foster Wallace.
Wallace spent his first day on suicide watch. Locked ward, pink room, no furniture, drain in the floor, observation slot in the door. "When that happens to you," David said, smiling, "you get unprecedentedly willing to examine other alternatives for how to live."

As always David Foster Wallace is quite accurate with his observation. I also spent time in the psych ward in order not to kill me. When I read this passage I could relate much. But we had furnitures and it was another kind of psychiatry but I was also on suicide watch. I also reevaluated the choices I had. Thought what has led me to this point. Whether I had other options how my life could improve in order to avoid killing myself. It were some quite existential moments and very frightening with extreme mental pain. It is so true I examined the possible alternatives to suicide because I was so extremely desperate.

I am really scared that one day I will be in the same situation again. The mental torture I experienced was unbelievable. I had extreme psychosomatic pain. Healthy people barely can imagine how low rock bottom really can be...

 

[jimmy7754]

I admire DFW.. I have infinite jest right by me on the book shelf.. I enjoyed reading tennis, tornados and trigonometry..

This life can get so lonely, painful and unbearable.. and ctb is so hard to do… as the spring is approaching me right now in east US.. I feel that burning building analogy all over me.. If I don't manage to kill myself this year.. and I keep feeling like this.. I am in for a lot of pain. Sorry your going through this.

 

[FuneralCry]

Psych wards sound horrible, I can imagine that it must be awful to end up in one. I am sorry that you are suffering. It is true that there is no limit as to how bad things can get. Life scares me overall and I wish that I never existed more than anything. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[GreenTree]

There not very nice and you get annoyed all day asking to do activities.

 

[S like Siren]

Psy ward is an hopless place

 

[Al Cappella]

I can confirm Wallace's experience. Except it was grey, not pink, and they take all your clothes and give you a cruddy pair of yellow scrubs. Just a bare mattress on the floor. It's all very One Flew Over, etc.

 

[brnggundottxt]

I think DFW had so much more to give. It's tragic that his suicidality was snuffed out. I loved the pale king and it's excruciating detail.
Here our mental institutions are basically just third world jail. I just wish you can see.. I even think they banned taking pictures of the inside. Not sure if true.

In my 20's I had motivation finding alternative ways of living. I had so many options and and open doors. All suddenly and brutally snuffed out by bureaucratic sociopaths and crybullies. People parading as good respectable citizens with corrupt and shady habits.
I don't see anyway forward from this clown show my life has turned into.