resentment towards my parents

[Yume Nikki]

I've held resentment towards my now-deceased alcoholic father for abusing me and my brother during our childhood years. All I can remember is watching him fight my mom, scream, destroy things, refuse to work, threaten to beat us everyday etc. to the point that it has permanently given me PTSD. He ruined my life in so many ways that it would take ages for me to explain, But I am even more angry at my mom for choosing to stay with him knowing what type of abuse he was capable of, She'd say things such as "Do you want to be sent to another family?" after I misbehaved but looking back at it now, if I was, maybe my life wouldn't be filled to the brim with trauma. Maybe if I had a loving father figure in my life, I would've been able to spot the red flags in my ex who emotionally abused me for months and discarded me when I was no longer needed in his life. I know it's sad, but it's unfair how other kids were able to grow up with no abuse and become functional adults while I have to undergo years of therapy to undo the damage that had been inflicted upon me since youth.

 

[leaf2358]

I feel you I am in kkinda similar situation. My family is very toxic and it hurts for me to see that this toxicity is ruining all our lives. My mom is never rewarded for all the great things she has done but punished instead. And it hurts even worse after my ex broke up with me.

 

[Yume Nikki]

I feel you I am in kkinda similar situation. My family is very toxic and it hurts for me to see that this toxicity is ruining all our lives. My mom is never rewarded for all the great things she has done but punished instead. And it hurts even worse after my ex broke up with me.

I completely understand your situation. My mom was also punished for working and feeding us while we were kids, but my father would demand money, food, and all sorts of stuff he could get from her without question.

Breakup is genuinely the worst type of pain I ever had to go through and one of the reasons why I want to CTB. He wasn't always an asshole but there were moments in which I believed we had a future together, but he just didn't care. He never did. Always made excuses to not talk to me. I feel worthless, and I probably am. You can message me if you want to vent more about the breakup if you'd like, but it's not required. Hugs go out to you!