Venting Resentment and “getting back” at people through CTB

[february in alaska]

For all I want my death to be peaceful and my immediate family not to suffer, I have these moments of anger and bitterness. They say that people don't listen to you until you're dead, and so there's always a temptation to leave a wave of destruction behind me as I go

Even just leaving names behind in my note. "Hey [person], don't you dare pretend to be sad when I'm gone. You treated me like shit and you don't get to make my death about you." I know I shouldn't. I want people to remember me fondly

But damn with some of these people I hope they hurt. I hope the people who bullied me in the past feel guilty. I hope people think back and wish they had reached out every time they saw me alone. The idea of people acting like there were no signs, like my suicide came out of nowhere, makes me mad like nothing else. Especially people who never cared to reach out but I just know they're going to be the ones crying when the news breaks and acting like we were so close. Fuck you guys.

I want my death to be quiet and peaceful but I also want it to be an explosion. Fuck society, fuck humanity, fuck this world. I'm going to leave a scar on this world for all the scars it gave me

 

[willow368]

I feel the same … I want my bullies to feel guilt …

 

[groucho]

I think they'll know on some level they did wrong, I'm sure things like that haunt people.

 

[AssFullofSalad]

I feel this so heavily. Like you said, I want peace, but the pull to anger and "getting back" is strong. At the end of the day, I probably won't say anything I haven't already written about in my notes, but I really hope some of these people suffer. I didn't deserve any of this.

 

[Sandy9]

I feel this on a very deep level. I go back and forth about how forthcoming I should be in my suicide note regarding various people or information. I think I've mostly decided to bite my tongue and take certain stuff with me to the grave and just hope that karma is real and eventually it'll bite them in the ass.

 

[MyLuckyStars]

Guilty. My parents are responsible for a significant part of my misery, despite meaning well, I think. They frequently will say things to me that destroy me, but I can't say anything about it to them because I'm financially dependent on them and should they cut me off I'd truly be done for. Thus, my only way to get back at them would be a scenario where my well-being is out of the equation entirely. I have a lot of fantasies of recording a video directly blaming them in some measure for my passing, and publicly posting it somewhere for all to see. More than I want them to suffer, though, I just want them to understand what they do to me, and feel bad about it. Remorse or at least, regret.

I think they'll know on some level they did wrong, I'm sure things like that haunt people.

I scared by the possibility that some people will be too obtuse to even consider that they had some role in my decision, and that they'll just dismiss it as something as demeaning as melodrama.

 

[SaltyIceBoy]

I feel this. There's only really one person I'd want to hurt from my death. In my last suicide attempt, which failed, I wrote a note and posted in a discord server with most of my friends. I mostly left positive things, but for my ex I left it ambiguous. I dearly love her but at the same time I wanted to leave her a chance to feel guilty if she truly had any regrets about me. Unless things work out with her, I'm planning to CTB after the new year. I won't leave a note but I'll make my last action texting her. What ill text, I'm not sure yet. I just want her to feel some amount of pain, not in the same way I did, but in some way at least.

I

 

[depthss]

I feel this, I want them to feel just as much pain as I feel, but I know most of them won't care at all, and it makes me mad