Venting Repercussions of ctb

[soda_pressed]

oh my god, girl. Feel free to scroll through my posts for a sample of the bullying I've experienced and I rant extensively about autism as well.
I am 45 and it never "got better", adults bully much more cruelly than children. I wish every day that I'd had the guts to do it young instead of gathering a lifetime of pain.

I admire your intent but but suicide notes don't stop bullies or make them sorry; it just makes them proud that they got you.

lol no these countries are butthurt-male centric. And you're fitting right in.

Sadly, I think you're right. Kids are cruel in an in your face kind of way, adults are much less obvious.
Even if bullies are happy I'll be dead, it won't matter as I'll be dead.

 

[been_there]

Most people aren't kind, but forget about them. They are not you and you don't need them.

Don't think about suicide next week. Is there something that you like doing? Try just concentrating on that for a week and see if it helps.

 

[soda_pressed]

Most people aren't kind, but forget about them. They are not you and you don't need them.

Don't think about suicide next week. Is there something that you like doing? Try just concentrating on that for a week and see if it helps.

I know this sounds bad but not really, like I have no interests. I don't have the energy to do anything other than netflix and SS

 

[Darkhaven]

I know this sounds bad but not really, like I have no interests. I don't have the energy to do anything other than netflix and SS

Didn't you mentioned that you were in a University?
Don't you like what you are studying?

 

[Watcher]

When I ctb, I have a feeling my death will be quite well known throughout my university and city. The reason being that I am well known due to who I used to hang out with, and that I used to go out a lot with popular people and drink all the time.

Whilst I've always had my struggles with depression since 14, they're the worst they've ever been now, due to personal circumstances and various mental illnesses like anxiety.

My depression is also a lot due to aspergers, and people being mean as a result of it.
For example- I lived in a flat of 9 other people during second year. During third year, they wished everyone else happy birthday except me. I felt so embarrassed and unloved.
So many small instances happen in which I am constantly stepped on and belittled. This includes some previous bosses and teachers.

I know this is a small example on it's own, there's a lot more stuff that has been done to me, to make me feel like shit. The worst I've been through was being raped by a "friend" a few months ago. Whilst I'm different, I would never ever single someone out and make them feel like shit.

It's too late for me, I can't get help and my ctb date is next month, but I want to stop other people from going my way if possible, especially as I know for people on the spectrum, the suicide rate is so high. Mostly because of prejudice and the struggles a lot of us face everyday.

I wouldn't make a video or anything extra like that, but so many people have hurt me and drove me to where suicide is the only option. I'm not trying to make them pay (I'm not a vindictive or horrible person) but I simply need to vent my thoughts about why I'm going to ctb after I do. So I'll probably do it in a letter as I feel it's important.

So my question is, has anybody (on or off the spectrum) felt severely hard done by by society and people? I feel if I die, I might as well try and cause a change

Unfortunately, suicide is commonly banned from news. Maybe something can chage, but normal people will never change their prejudices about us. Also, this is my last month, I tried, but everyone abandoned me. So I decided that definitely I will not live a easy life. Maybe next week is my last one..
Lol, this is an old post... well, I said what I want . . .

 

[H2H2]

I have known ( never was close ) a couple of asp who made it. They somehow were taught or learnt how to own their condition. Both of them seemed unfazed by it and were able to reframe it in the eyes of others to the point of making it look cute or interesting. At least thats how it felt from the outside. One of them had a very sweet wife , two kids and a fullfiling job. He died of a sudden cancer in his thirties.

 

[soda_pressed]

Didn't you mentioned that you were in a University?
Don't you like what you are studying?

I used to, but I completely lost interest in it and didn't work much for my degree because of depression. Finished uni now anyway

I have known ( never was close ) a couple of asp who made it. They somehow were taught or learnt how to own their condition. Both of them seemed unfazed by it and were able to reframe it in the eyes of others to the point of making it look cute or interesting. At least thats how it felt from the outside. One of them had a very sweet wife , two kids and a fullfiling job. He died of a sudden cancer in his thirties.

I've heard of a few success stories, but there's no denying the odds are against us. For me it isn't a condition I can live with and I consider myself broken.

 

[been_there]

I know this sounds bad but not really, like I have no interests. I don't have the energy to do anything other than netflix and SS

Doesn't sound bad at all. Interests come and go. What's good on Netflix?