Venting relearning emotions

[scared2death]

my friend called me some days ago in the middle of the night to talk because he just had calmed down his ex boyfriend from jumping off a bridge, i of course went to see him and talked until he calmed down and we got a confirmation he had arrived to his house. he was really exhausted and looked terrible and scared and for the first time i was able to see what could happen if i did it. my mom days before had been talking half jokingly about ctbing and i understood that if i leave she would likely do too. i never considered how others could be affected because i was so absorbed into the idea that this plane of existence would cease to exist with all of the things and people in it so i shouldn't care but i started to feel bad because well... they are real. i once read a book whose argument was that we should stay alive because we owe it to society and i just called it a load of bull but it started to make sense. it sounds stupid that it looks like im finally learning basic human emotions but yeah, i guess im relearning what my mental state made me forget the past years. being suicidal and out of your mind is really crazy haha, so while im sane id like to feel guilty for future me that will not consider all of them.

 

[Some place nice]

I lost all my emotions at a young age. When I was 16 I found a group of people that made me experience joy for the first time in a while. I am 21 now and still have to fake some emotions but I still have to fully mask and force my face to reflect my emotions. It can be hard work but eventually you'll get there. It made me feel more normal. I hope you get there and can feel good about it. I believe in you!