Relationship advice/discussion?

[handsomestboy]

Anyone is free to talk about their own relationships here, as much as I'm here to talk about my own situation with the goal of advice, this is a free space to vent.

I am in what I consider to be an extremely loving relationship. However, my long term partner has Bipolar. They are medicated. They are doing well. I can't help but feel exhausted and worthless. I do not know what to do to make it better. I cannot change them. I know this, and I wish I could. Nearly every other day there's some kind of conflict. Usually mild, but everytime something mean is said to me.

I feel childish. I should be over all of it. They don't mean it. I know that. But it is so frequent. I know they feel sorry after. They cry and sob and even hurt themselves as punishment. I can't help but be heartbroken. I am not comfortable expressing hurt in response to these words out of fear. I just cannot bring myself to knowing it'll hurt them more, so I suck it up and swallow it down every time. I let us come back down together. Say it's all okay. I try to forget every time. I just can't when it happens so much.

I never say mean things. At least not to the extent of calling them things like stupid or a bitch. I try to approach everything gently. I love gently. It doesn't translate. There is no balance. I feel as if I'm not worth changing for. I could never imagine doing any of that. Then again, they are bipolar. It is out of their control just as much as mine. They can be as self aware as they want, it doesn't change the fact that it will keep happening.

I tell myself I can handle it, but I can't. I don't want to accept that. I don't want to leave. I am their future, they are mine. I have nobody else. I don't know what moves to make to improve myself anymore. I need to change but I don't know how. I don't want to let myself be hurt. I don't want the words to matter to me. The words don't matter to them, so why me? There's no substance behind them.

Just wonder what I'll do. I don't know if I want this forever. I want to want it.

 

[princeseadove]

I think you should talk to them, because in the ling run itll just hurt the both of you. I don't have bipolar, but I do have BPD which I'm told is pretty similar, and I have been through this thing before, in their perspective, and yours. Your feelings matter. Eveb if they feel small or significant, you still feel them. Pushing them awsy will make it only feel worse. And if it's so many little things, of course theyll pile up. It's human nature, something you shouldnt ignore, because it's part of you forever. I think you should tell them how you feel, so when it all comes crashing down it doesn't feel like a total shock ykwim? Feeling fear to reveal your emotions, is a fear of them, and it'll culminate, and culminate, and burst at the worst of times. It's okay to feel scared, and even do it scared. If they threaten to harm themselves, leave. I am very . serious right there, because you shouldn't hold somebody's life like that, nobody should

And if it doesn't work out, if you feel like telling them will end things, I can tell you what's that's like as well, just the grief of it all. For what it might be like for the two of you