So everything is feeling very futile and I really don't think I'm going to be able to make my life work. I gave myself a time frame of 10 years to see if I could make my life worth living. 4 years 11 months to go. I have 11 pets. My animals are the main thing that's kept me alive. If I'm going to die I have to make sure that they are taken care of. I'm a little bit tempted to go out like a pharaoh and just kill all of them and then myself but I don't think I have it in me.
Finding homes for them is a very real step towards ending my life and it's absolutely terrifying. But if I'm really going to catch the bus then I have to take certain steps to prepare. I can't trust my worthless family to do anything right.
I'm not sure how I'd go about finding potential homes for all of them and screening them to make sure that they are committed to providing lifelong care to them. I don't think anyone will go as far as I have. My second oldest cat is so emotionally attached to me. I'm not sure she'd be able to last without me. My oldest cat is 22 and needs a lot of specialized care that I don't trust anyone but myself to provide. I have four cats, four pythons, a lizard, a frog, and a turtle.
The pythons all have 30 to 50 years of life in front of them. The turtle could live another 50 to 150, The frog is eight and might live another decade. The lizard could live another 55 years. I never even wanted that lizard. It was a guilt present from my abusive ex. The same ex that made me so mentally non-functional that two of my turtles died, one of which I'd had since I was 4 years old. I had two more turtles die after that leaving me with none. I bought a tortoise egg and hatched it thinking maybe if I raised a baby from its very first moments of life it could help fill the void. That tortoise got flipped over and died at 1-month-old when I wasn't home. Then I got a box turtle. I still have her. We don't have the kind of connection I did with my 28-year-old turtle. It takes many, many years to build a friendship with a turtle. I just hate myself so much. I don't think I can keep going.
The youngest cat technically belongs to my ex but is basically permanently in my care. I could give her back to her. She'd take her. She at one point also said she'd take the turtle if I died, but she's not a turtle person and she's probably not going to live another 50 years. The second oldest cat literally everyone who meets her wants her. She's a phenomenal cat. I found her on the side of the road. I don't think most people deserve her.
I'm not even sure what I'm expecting by putting up this post. Those of you who also have pets probably need to think about where they're going to live and who's going to take care of them after you pass. It would be prudent to find them homes before your departure.
Anyway, I haven't been active on this site in a while and I decided maybe I needed to come back. I can't speak honestly about this kind of thing with anyone anywhere.
Finding homes for them is a very real step towards ending my life and it's absolutely terrifying. But if I'm really going to catch the bus then I have to take certain steps to prepare. I can't trust my worthless family to do anything right.
I'm not sure how I'd go about finding potential homes for all of them and screening them to make sure that they are committed to providing lifelong care to them. I don't think anyone will go as far as I have. My second oldest cat is so emotionally attached to me. I'm not sure she'd be able to last without me. My oldest cat is 22 and needs a lot of specialized care that I don't trust anyone but myself to provide. I have four cats, four pythons, a lizard, a frog, and a turtle.
The pythons all have 30 to 50 years of life in front of them. The turtle could live another 50 to 150, The frog is eight and might live another decade. The lizard could live another 55 years. I never even wanted that lizard. It was a guilt present from my abusive ex. The same ex that made me so mentally non-functional that two of my turtles died, one of which I'd had since I was 4 years old. I had two more turtles die after that leaving me with none. I bought a tortoise egg and hatched it thinking maybe if I raised a baby from its very first moments of life it could help fill the void. That tortoise got flipped over and died at 1-month-old when I wasn't home. Then I got a box turtle. I still have her. We don't have the kind of connection I did with my 28-year-old turtle. It takes many, many years to build a friendship with a turtle. I just hate myself so much. I don't think I can keep going.
The youngest cat technically belongs to my ex but is basically permanently in my care. I could give her back to her. She'd take her. She at one point also said she'd take the turtle if I died, but she's not a turtle person and she's probably not going to live another 50 years. The second oldest cat literally everyone who meets her wants her. She's a phenomenal cat. I found her on the side of the road. I don't think most people deserve her.
I'm not even sure what I'm expecting by putting up this post. Those of you who also have pets probably need to think about where they're going to live and who's going to take care of them after you pass. It would be prudent to find them homes before your departure.
Anyway, I haven't been active on this site in a while and I decided maybe I needed to come back. I can't speak honestly about this kind of thing with anyone anywhere.
