Regretting not sabotaging my life when the stakes are low

[moonshard]

Does anyone also wish they'd ruin their life earlier, I know that saying this implies that I have a life worth salvaging but I've actually been suicidal since I was a child. Like this can't be the life I worked so hard for

I regret using the money my family worked so hard for, I had a lot of extra curricular stuff (that Tbf I never asked for) and I just fee so so so so sooo bad that my family has to put up with me. I don't mind being a failure and a mess and a terrible person but the refuse to give up on me yet they also refuse to accept me. If I had given up on myself earlier I wouldn't be in this position

I always regret not killing myself earlier, I think it's selfish of my friends and family to want me to be around when they don't understand how hard it is to have to be me. But I can't say that because that's wrong and it hurts their feelings, they don't deserve this when they've already done so much for me.

 

[Jadeith]

Personally i find no use for such regrets. I try my best not to trouble myself with things i cannot influence and since i do not have time travel machine to slip my dad a set of condoms, i do not bother myself with such wishes. Of course, should i had prior access to the knowledge how my life would develop, i'd gladly strangle myself with umbilical cord. But, i can only influence what's now and, to some degree, what's in the future. Past is in the past. It cannot be changed.

 

[moonshard]

Personally i find no use for such regrets. I try my best not to trouble myself with things i cannot influence and since i do not have time travel machine to slip my dad a set of condoms, i do not bother myself with such wishes. Of course, should i had prior access to the knowledge how my life would develop, i'd gladly strangle myself with umbilical cord. But, i can only influence what's now and, to some degree, what's in the future. Past is in the past. It cannot be changed.

Doesn't it make you even more suicidal then? It does for me. I can't stop thinking about ending it now because I know if I don't at some point in the future I would be regretting that I hadn't done so at this point of my life

 

[lpdsvm]

I don't regret. But I feel like I won't last long. The only reason I got hired is because I am much cheaper than many potential employees. Just working without being fully qualified just to make them extra money. I can make it worse and I will have to do it, possibly, because they are trying to scam me because they know I am a fucking loser coming from a third world country. So I will start to resist and they might fire me and that means I might CTB before 2027 in a few months. So I will ruin my life protecting my dignity or whatever is left.
Maybe I will change my opinion once I start getting great offers from great places but for now I am just a loser.
This bullsh&t will never end but it's not enough for me to CTB now. Living in the present with a method.

 

[Deer_Dairy]

Cynical one.


It is never too late to change your life.
It is never too late to end your life.

Pick what fits you better.

 

[moonshard]

Cynical one.


It is never too late to change your life.
It is never too late to end your life.

Pick what fits you better.

Yeah I wish I had ended it earlier when I had access to more resources ughhhh

 

[lpdsvm]

Yeah I wish I had ended it earlier when I had access to more resources ughhhh

Sorta the same but not now but before the main loser character endeavors, but in this case I wouldn't live alone hence harder to CTB. I wouldn't have any access to SN.