Recovery is so hard when the smallest things mess with me.

[ThatStateOfMind]

I don't know how I can recover, if I ever even can. I hate the way I feel after the smallest inconvenience. Today, I was looking forward to a call from someone all day, and I never got it and they said they'll call tomorrow. But they said that yesterday. How do I know they're actually telling the truth? I don't and that's what sucks.

Hell, I bruised my nose and thought it was broken yesterday (well more so my dog did it but he didn't mean too, he's a big boi who thinks he's smaller than he is), and that didn't help. I've been suicidal all day and I thought the call might've helped but I never got it.

This isn't the first time something small has made me utterly depressed. It's a common occurrence. Smallest inconvenience, boom, thoughts are back. I try to look at the positives like "hey at least I got some pizza today" and we also got an AC so the house wont be super hot during the summer.

I was in such a good mood the day before yesterday and everything just changed, I want to try partial again but I can never get it to work and my only other option is my shotgun, and I can't traumatize people like that, plus it feels too impulsive.

I don't know, recovery is just so hard, guys. I know it won't be easy but Jesus, it's so hard to do.

 

[dw33ter]

I wish I knew what to say. I'm in the exact same boat.

I've been doing decent for the past week. Then today my mother lost her temper and yelled at me for something trivial, and my brain instantly went towards planning a date and finding a suitable tall building. I'm now in bed and can't bring myself to be productive in the slightest even though it's mid afternoon.

It's an unbearable cycle and I wish I knew how to get out.

 

[Sulyya]

I don't know, recovery is just so hard, guys. I know it won't be easy but Jesus, it's so hard to do.

It takes consistent mental effort to get through the lows. Writing out your thoughts to people is a good idea during these times. People can let us down, for good reasons or no reason at all - it will always happen at least occasionally, same with life's little potshots. It's so aggravating. Recovery might take literally forever, but I think it is worth it.

I wish I knew what to say. I'm in the exact same boat.

I've been doing decent for the past week. Then today my mother lost her temper and yelled at me for something trivial, and my brain instantly went towards planning a date and finding a suitable tall building. I'm now in bed and can't bring myself to be productive in the slightest even though it's mid afternoon.

It's an unbearable cycle and I wish I knew how to get out.

That is similar, how people can turn our mind around in an instant. In my case today it was just someone wanting to spend time when I wanted to be alone, but I can't say no so I just seethed and wanted to either be alone or gone.

The people like us here, when something like that keeps pushing us to the edge, it can write a whole day off, and sometimes I think that's okay. That might be one of the definition of recoveries - something crushing or infuriating happens and then it takes a day or more to do just that, recover.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I wish I knew what to say. I'm in the exact same boat.

I've been doing decent for the past week. Then today my mother lost her temper and yelled at me for something trivial, and my brain instantly went towards planning a date and finding a suitable tall building. I'm now in bed and can't bring myself to be productive in the slightest even though it's mid afternoon.

It's an unbearable cycle and I wish I knew how to get out.

Aww, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you're doing a little better now. Where I'm at (the US) it's a little past midnight. I wish we could find a way out of this rut, hopefully we can some day.

It takes consistent mental effort to get through the lows. Writing out your thoughts to people is a good idea during these times. People can let us down, for good reasons or no reason at all - it will always happen at least occasionally, same with life's little potshots. It's so aggravating. Recovery might take literally forever, but I think it is worth it.


That is similar, how people can turn our mind around in an instant. In my case today it was just someone wanting to spend time when I wanted to be alone, but I can't say no so I just seethed and wanted to either be alone or gone.

The people like us here, when something like that keeps pushing us to the edge, it can write a whole day off, and sometimes I think that's okay. That might be one of the definition of recoveries - something crushing or infuriating happens and then it takes a day or more to do just that, recover.

Yeah, I didn't mention in my post, but it's my ex. I wouldn't say she didn't call because of that, she apologized and said she would call at 12 or 1 PM tomorrow so hopefully she does that this time. We're talking about plans for the future and stuff, it's nice to have someone to do that with imo. We did when we were together and we broke up on fairly good terms.

For me, I do think recovery will take a very, very long time, never been through it so I can't say if it's worth it but I think it will be. I just wanna be able to wake up and be fairly happy about it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You have definitely hit the nail on its head. It's hard to stay motivated when your mind constantly goes to motivated. The littlest setbacks and disappointments take on greatly exaggerated importance.

I know what it's like to gave your feelings contingent on someone else, although in a platonic way. It sounds like any relationship with your ex has its unhealthy side until you learn how to get your feelings to be not so dependent on what she does