Venting Recovery is a myth

[HeroinTears]

Well, here I am. After less than a month. Things went so incredibly bad that I've just lost all hope. Everything. I didn't have much to begin with, but now I have nothing. I am completely convinced nothing matters, especially me. I'm either a crying pillow or a happy meal toy to most people.

Going into chat and not seeing a single familiar user feels very sad to me. Especially when I went to search and saw most of then crossed. Why am I a person that does as much as I can to make sure I can get a hello and goodbye in so people don't have to worry, but have literally never found anyone that can do even half of that? I really wish I was a bad person. I wish I loved seeing people hurt and suffer. That way I wouldn't feel like someone is squeezing my heart all the time, whenever I remember all of this abandonment...

Gah. So many people just forget about you. Leave without goodbyes, after going through so much. I have tried to forget. Tried to find new people. It ends the same... People very rarely care. I could say there is only one person I have met that has truly cared, and if you are reading this, thank you. For being there. You are more than important to me. I just hate it that I've had to lose literally everyone I have cared for deeply. There are no good people left. It's not worth it to live in a world, where friends leave and love doesn't matter.

This is the shitty part of trying to recover. Relapsing... Everyone I cared for is gone. I should have died. I shouldn't be here. I really need to die soon. I have been trying to fix life, but ik things won't work anymore. My heart hurts so much. It feels like no one TruIy cares really.

Well, I'm likely back for good. There is no such thing as recovery, only misery, lies and abandonment. Here's to hoping I die soon


Sadly,


HeroinTears

 

[UKscotty]

This is why I don't make friends with people in recovery any more. One minute you are out having dinner and playing golf, the next day you hear they hung themselves. You really can never tell.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Seeing peoples names crossed out pains me too, its hard to prevent it with the community we are in. Not everyone has the willpower to properly say goodbye, best we can do is hope they found thier peace they were looking for

 

[rozeske]

Am sorry and I understand and relate to your pain but I hope you won't let it get to you. The pain you see and sense in others really is only the tip of the iceberg. All of us here are doing our best chasing our peace. How some endup achieving that peace may endup shocking and saddening some of us but it's a bit of a consolation they atleast are no more suffering.

 

[HeroinTears]

Honestly, I like to believe everyone that disappeared is dead. Because if they are alive, I wouldn't be able to wish them well, knowing they consciously decided to leave after everything we went through. It's painful really. All I know is, when the time comes, I won't let anyone wonder what happened to me.

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

It is, just another lie we tell ourselves to hold on, for better or worse. Everything ends, yet the brief but beautiful moments we do get to create will forever be our own, in life as in death.

 

[LastLoveSong]

I really wish I was a bad person. I wish I loved seeing people hurt and suffer. That way I wouldn't feel like someone is squeezing my heart all the time, whenever I remember all of this abandonment...

same pretty much

 

[Macc_Lad_71]

i've recovered..............so it's not a "myth"

 

[theboy]

I am sorry you are going through this situation. I believe that therapy is helpful but it takes a long time to recover.