Recovery from finding my housemates body after ctb

[F#minor]

I go back and forth between extreme emotional pain and numbness. I'm told it gets easier. This is unimaginably painful. I was looking at the other, darker forum for as couple of weeks, because that's what I felt. But at the advice of someone I assume was a moderator, and at the first moment I could even possibly conceive of going on, I'm posting here. I don't even know what questions to ask. But thoughts of any kind on this are welcome. Thank you.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm so sorry. That sounds horribly traumatic and it sounds excruciating to keep going from numbness to pain.

This is a safe place and I'm glad you're here. Feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind.

 

[Worndown]

The sad fact is death happens be it natural or intentional. We are not well equiped to deal with this type of discovery. Grieve and remember the good. Celebrate their life. They just went where one day we all shall go.

 

[Soul]

@F#minor, I'm sorry you're going through this. People here are good listeners, if you want to talk. (((Hug)))

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

So sorry. Terrible thing to have to see that.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Here supporting you going on. I've been through the suicide of someone close and I had never considered suicide before that. I know how hard recovery and moving forward are. I hope you'll be compassionate and gentle with yourself as you experience whatever you experience.

I'm kind of glad you're here, as long as it serves you, rather than in a survivor recovery group, though that can serve as well and I don't want to deter you from it. It's just that in such groups, suicide is made to be an enemy that caused harm to others, rather than a choice that wasn't intended as an assualt. It's difficult because the survivor can feel victimized by what happened, but there's not an external cause to blame like an illness or an accident. Blame discharges discomfort, even if it's self-blame. Not having anything or anyone to blame is really difficult to manage. Still, if it serves you to be in a group that can help you process your grief and that is something you seek, I hope you find one. Maybe a hospital near you has some kind of a support group so that you can get some human contact?

Sending you my compassion. If I were nearby and also had the capacity as I used to to give you a hug and sit with you as a friend to process all this, I would. I hope there is someone who can do that for you, though I know right now that may be challenging since you shared friends in common. So at the very least, I'm sending a hug for when you need one, it's reusable.

 

[Breadbfra]

I go back and forth between extreme emotional pain and numbness. I'm told it gets easier. This is unimaginably painful. I was looking at the other, darker forum for as couple of weeks, because that's what I felt. But at the advice of someone I assume was a moderator, and at the first moment I could even possibly conceive of going on, I'm posting here. I don't even know what questions to ask. But thoughts of any kind on this are welcome. Thank you.

My girlfriend's witnessed the same thing but with her mother, I can understand the pain you're going through. I don't know very much of you, except for a few messages, but I've been thinking you're strong, man. Sending hugs, feel free to talk whenever you want.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

As you said in your other post you've been through a big trauma, but I think it's great that you're giving yourself a chance so process this. There is no easy way to deal with grief, but it certainly can be done. You need time to deal with the change in your life and find internal closure over what has happened. It's a very personal journey but we'll be here to support you where possible, and you should definitely turn to friends irl if you can.

 

[BPD Barbie]

In 2018 I went to a hanging at work, turned out it was a friend. Was one of the worst things to experience especially as he wasn't able to be saved. I know exactly what you're going through right now. It's horrible, it's such a mix. But it does get better. My advice would be talk, talk and talk some more about it. I used all the crisis lines I could possibly find during the first week. I'm so sorry you have had to experience this. If you ever want to talk, my messages are always here for you. Sending love and light

 

[Cant Maintain]

I'm sorry that you are having to process that.
It's gonna be hard...but don't bottle it up, and allow yourself to grieve and recover. It may show up in nastier ways than it does now if you do. It's gonna be a long long road to recovery, but I wish you the best.