baeblade
Nothing More to Say
- Aug 3, 2026
- 10
Hello SaSu, I recently found something I want to do in life. Something really hard and something that will take me years, probably decades. I haven't had I severe breakdown in a month now, and I think I still have have it in me to at least try. I know I won't ever really be happy with my life, and it's okay, I accepted that. There probably will be times when I'll want to kill myself again, I also accepted that. I'm too tired of not doing anything or being anything. Whatever happens to me at this point, I am okay with it. If I do kill myself in the end, maybe someone will read this and at least remember me. If I don't, maybe someone will read this and try to do the same.
Today I made myself some oatmeal, it was pretty good. Trying to get my eating in place. Also started working out recently. Haven't made any considerable progress. Job search is not going well. Deathly scared of other people. Hate everyone, hate myself. When I touch my hand, it feels like another person, not me. I feel like don't have anything in the world. Sleep habits are very very bad. I can only sleep if I am extremely tired, otherwise my thoughts get out of control and don't let me. But I am trying earnestly to do what I can.
Today's song is "Soulbreaker" by A.G. Cook. I will check in with you tomorrow.
Today I made myself some oatmeal, it was pretty good. Trying to get my eating in place. Also started working out recently. Haven't made any considerable progress. Job search is not going well. Deathly scared of other people. Hate everyone, hate myself. When I touch my hand, it feels like another person, not me. I feel like don't have anything in the world. Sleep habits are very very bad. I can only sleep if I am extremely tired, otherwise my thoughts get out of control and don't let me. But I am trying earnestly to do what I can.
Today's song is "Soulbreaker" by A.G. Cook. I will check in with you tomorrow.
