Chemical Animal
"I was born out of time, I'm not meant to be here"
- Jan 24, 2023
- 43
I wonder if anyone is recovering against their own will because of circumstances...
Well, since my executive dysfunction and mood swings between depression and feeling energized keep me from choosing a CTB method and putting an effort to gather the stuff necessary for it, I have no other choice but to recover.
But I have no energy or motivation to do anything because no reward is certain, and I only put an effort in an activity if the desired results/outcome are 999% guaranteed. I have no friends and no social skills, so there's no reason to get outside. My family is falling apart, so not even a support network is something I have. I accepted that I will die a virgin since I'm ugly, uninteresting and a fucking weirdo. The only thing that can fix my problems now is huge amounts of money, and only a fucking miracle like winning the lottery can change my life for the better. Recovery is way too hard when you have nothing to live for, but I have to because I'm so dysfunctional to the point I need someone to plan my CTB for me...
Well, since my executive dysfunction and mood swings between depression and feeling energized keep me from choosing a CTB method and putting an effort to gather the stuff necessary for it, I have no other choice but to recover.
But I have no energy or motivation to do anything because no reward is certain, and I only put an effort in an activity if the desired results/outcome are 999% guaranteed. I have no friends and no social skills, so there's no reason to get outside. My family is falling apart, so not even a support network is something I have. I accepted that I will die a virgin since I'm ugly, uninteresting and a fucking weirdo. The only thing that can fix my problems now is huge amounts of money, and only a fucking miracle like winning the lottery can change my life for the better. Recovery is way too hard when you have nothing to live for, but I have to because I'm so dysfunctional to the point I need someone to plan my CTB for me...