Discussion Recovering even though I don't wanna

[hurts2b]

My life has objectively gotten better over the last few months. And it's not as if I'd say that things are good. But I also can't blame all my issues on circumstances anymore.

Internally I feel like I don't care about. Most things. I'm numb and flat and I do, on some level, really want to CTB.

Equally. I'm at a point where I feel like I can think about the future a little bit more. And I know I won't work up the will to CTB. Not in my current position.

So like. Logically speaking. It makes sense to do more little things here and there to improve my life. On some level.

This is all very tentative and I'm not enthusiastic about like. Life. Or much of anything. But. At this point some amount of "getting better" is the path of least resistance. I don't know how to feel about it.

I will no doubt continue to have times where I'm convinced I'll CTB (and soon). But. In terms of my day to day actions. I'm trying to be alive. For now.

 

[timf]

Things might start slowly, but if you feel forward momentum, you might find that you can add to it slowly and even have some control. This can open up possibilities of experimentation and even discovering things that interest and satisfy.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It makes sense to gain ground in life while you feel able to. Who knows? Maybe it will be enough to shift your perspective a little. That said, I think it's also healthier to not pin high hopes on it- seeing as that could lead to disappointment and feeling deeply miserable once more- if things don't work out as you hoped. Maybe it really is the better approach to just decide to take the road leading up the mountain- while we have the strength to at least and- just see where it leads. Good luck.