Discussion Recover or CTB?

[GreenBanana23]

How are you guys deciding whether to CTB or try/keep trying to recover?

Here's my current struggle with deciding:
I've finally come to understand/accept that I am not mentally stable. I have something wrong. The issue is I don't know if I want to try to recover and get back on track with my life or if I just want to end it. I haven't tried very much in the recovery avenue, I suppose. Only one prescription medication that hasn't aided me at all and some therapy. I am learning more about myself with therapy yet the more I learn the more I am disgusted, displeased, dissatisfied with myself. I have a girlfriend that I love dearly and don't want to burden her by having mental struggles yet I also don't want us to break up. I want to either get better, stay with her and continue with my life as I want(ed) or split from her and CTB. The thing is I COULD live without her but it just doesn't feel like I would want that. I am perplexed. I don't know how to figure out whether to CTB or continue trying to recover.
I don't know.

 

[AbsurdCapybara]

I've struggled with depression and suicidal ideations since I was 5 years old. During the 20 years I've been married, I've always tried so hard to overcome all those negative thoughts and feelings with varying degrees of success because I wanted to do it for my husband. I didn't do a good enough job because he's sick of living with my depression and is divorcing me. Now I have to improve myself for just myself and no one else and honestly sometimes, I couldn't care less to try. Honestly I'd do it all over again and try even harder to get better so I could have a stable, happy marriage that stood the test of time instead of having my spouse just give up on me halfway through my pointless life. Totally not being helpful here but food for thought I guess.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

The govt makes it hard to die. Plus it's unlikely there aren't good reasons for living, moreover if you're happy. All are good reasons to at least explore all options before you CTB. Tried ECT? TCS? Ketamine? Psilocybin? Might be worth trying other meds too idk but try not to rule out the idea of a good worthy life being possible or worth aiming for. We're denied an easy exit, and most of us have reasons keeping us here

Well done for trying therapy! Don't be disgusted with yourself! I hope it's worthwhile, getting as much help as you can is a good idea.

 

[Leeroy14R]

All I can say is, there is not one day were I were regreted my suicide attempts... Ever.

 

[rosenrot]

im just seeing what happens rn im not ruling out anything tho. If things don't get better in a month or 2 then im probably going to be more inclined to ctb

 

[FuneralCry]

To answer the question, not everyone even wants to exist and in my case I would always see it as preferable to not-exist, existing isn't for me and I don't have much interest in suffering in a futile existence that I never wished to endure in the first place, only eternal sleep is desirable to me, I find existing to be tiresome and dreadful. I dread to think of what lies ahead as after all there's unlimited potential for existing to get even more unbearable. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[Takamagahara]

With my decision to CTB as opposed to recover, all I have to do is consider how often I moved the goalposts.

When I was 9: "Things will be better when I'm in high school. If they're not, I'll kill myself at 16."

When I was 16: "Things will be better when I graduate college. If not, I'll kill myself at 22."

When I was 22: "Things will be better when I'm a settled adult. If not, I'll kill myself when I'm 30."

I'm 29. I turn 30 this year. You have three guesses as to what will happen and two of those guesses don't count.

Even if I put everything into recovering now, what would the point be? A life of coping isn't a life.

 

[busybee]

I wish recovery would work.
Therapy is out of reach cause they are overbooked.
Meds make it worse.
Clinics often treat people like poorly.

 

[GreenBanana23]

I wish recovery would work.
Therapy is out of reach cause they are overbooked.
Meds make it worse.
Clinics often treat people like poorly.

oh man clinics are the worst, especially when you're institutionalized without any consent, completely forced into it

 

[Install-Gentoo]

How are you guys deciding whether to CTB or try/keep trying to recover?

Here's my current struggle with deciding:
I've finally come to understand/accept that I am not mentally stable. I have something wrong. The issue is I don't know if I want to try to recover and get back on track with my life or if I just want to end it. I haven't tried very much in the recovery avenue, I suppose. Only one prescription medication that hasn't aided me at all and some therapy. I am learning more about myself with therapy yet the more I learn the more I am disgusted, displeased, dissatisfied with myself. I have a girlfriend that I love dearly and don't want to burden her by having mental struggles yet I also don't want us to break up. I want to either get better, stay with her and continue with my life as I want(ed) or split from her and CTB. The thing is I COULD live without her but it just doesn't feel like I would want that. I am perplexed. I don't know how to figure out whether to CTB or continue trying to recover.
I don't know.

It is not any of our positions to decide what you do. Try recovering your life if you want. It might be cool if you do. Go die if you want. That's fine too.

 

[Lavender Dreams]

If you have to ask yourself, then usually the answer is recover. By the sound of your post you seem to be leaning towards it anyways.

There is much more beyond antidepressants, and by the looks of it they're hardly effective anyways, so it's not a good way of determining whether you will be able to get better in the long run. Keep at it and explore all your options. If everything fails, ctb is always possible.

 

[blitz]

I tried recovery. Reached out to doctors and others being truthful of my suicidal ideation. Doctors won't help because of my drinking and others just tell me to stop drinking. Quitting drinking won't cure my mental illness so I've decided catching the buss is the only real option.

As for OP I hope you find the clarity your looking for.