Reasons you wanna die vs reasons you don’t. What stops you?

[mytoxicreality]

Im not afraid by any means. I make a lot of people happy with my music. Even this guy at the house I live in listens to my music. He's been really going thru it and has been blasting it lately. He baught a tapestry off my website and a lot of people wear my stuff in support.super young kids at the fair and in town see me point me out it's pretty cool actually. But what's fucked up is that the pain I put into the music isn't fun too me. It's actually really sad. And too know that my music could help someone through a situation is relieving but. In order for me to help I have to suffer. And it hurts. I think I have BPD. I've been told by my girlfriend and a close friend who has it and autism I show hella traits.
And everyday in my head really does suck. I hate it here.
I just wanna go back to being a nobody. Everyone knows who I am but I don't know anyone. And it seems other people know me better than I know myself.
It's also a reason I wanna stay. Because I love these people.
I hate myself and constantly am reminded of why and my heads so immediately negative. I'm gonna Ctb Impulsivley I assume. Much love peeps

 

[FuneralCry]

The reason why I want to leave this life behind is because I don't see life to be worth living in every single way. There is absolutely nothing here for me in this world and the longer that I stay alive the more that I will suffer. I simply prefer the sound of non existence and I see it as always being preferable to living. Life is so cruel and to me it's terrifying how there are no limits as to how much pain we can feel. If I am gone then there is no chance of things getting worse.

I never want to be here and I never have done. There's nothing that could ever make me want to stay here but the thing that stops me actually going through with suicide is that it's just so difficult to leave this world, I fear methods failing and I have limited access to methods. I wish that we lived in a world where assisted suicide/euthanasia is legal.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

The reason I wanna leave is because I'm in constant agony. The reason I can't leave is because my mom is stopping me

 

[Un-]

Let's say I had a glass of SN right in my hand right now. I can't answer why I would drink it, because there's a lot of reasons. The reasons as to why I wouldn't drink it though, are as follows:
1.

 

[Hope:-)]

Not having all the meds I need stops me. It also used to be the physical pain that stopped me but that doesn't really phase me now. I have no idea what it's like to be known...I'm basically invisible to people so it's interesting to hear a different perspective. Much love to you x

 

[thebunny]

the main reason i want to go is i can't bear living in this life anymore. i can't keep living an everyday life full of suffering and tortured by guilt. i can't also bear living with bpd. it's constant torture. as someone who's life is fueled by hatred and anger rn, i just want to find peace and happiness. plus, i lost the only person who's making me stay in this foul world and along with it, my will to live.

as for reasons to keep going, there are quite a few: my cat, my graduation, and my brother. but, honestly? those aren't enough to make me stay. all i can really do about them is feel sorry. the only thing that's stopping me are the fact that i don't have the things i need rn and my birthday.

i do hope you'd find the peace you're looking for and that you carefully think about ctb'ing. please don't do it impulsively because it's a permanent thing. i'm not stopping you from doing so, but please think about it fully. best wishes.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

As crazy as it sounds, the thought of the unlikely possibility of being reborn and staring over again scares the shit out of me. Also screwing up and becoming a vegetable that can't move, speak or finish the job. Think Metallica One.

 

[mytoxicreality]

As crazy as it sounds, the thought of the unlikely possibility of being reborn and staring over again scares the shit out of me. Also screwing up and becoming a vegetable that can't move, speak or finish the job. Think Metallica One.

Your fuckin halarious I'm not laughing at you but that brought me joy you are so right I don't wanna be nun that can't do nun. I guess I'm curious though, do you believe in reincarnation

 

[Trifecta]

Fear of failure is stopping me, I can't think of anything worse than ending up a vegetable completely dependent on the care of others.

 

[[HNO]]

i woke up today and noticed that im balding, my eyesight slowly becoming worse, i've already crippled my spine by sedentary lifestyle and this all at my late 19's. then i will struggle with porn addiction consequences for another day or year but anyway as my life is empty and meaningless i wouldn't find any better activity to kill the time before i go sleep than to spend another half of day edging on degenerate content.
this day i will walk back in forward in mental confustion trying to figure out how i could fuck up this all to this degree but i would't come with any adequate solutions nor i will have enough willpower to escape this limbo. either by comitting suicide or getting my shit together. compared to multiple years or decade of batman-esque efforts to fix my condition and in this case in the end i propably would finally found a purpose in a life but it's ONLY for falling in a state of living tolerance just to live life to death due to natural causes, like my grandparents do, i rather choose to submerge in thoughts of death and suicide which give my warms, as i rather for sure rot in a grave than deal with this bullshit with uncertain outcomes and long term suffering and isolation which ofc outbalancing instant effect of a sucessful suicide attempt.
being chained to the state of awake for decades while you slowly deterioratng without consent or option to escape is proably the worst thing in this world, yet everybody involved in this nonsence and seeing no problem in it

 

[Throwawaysoul]

guess I'm curious though, do you believe in reincarnation

No. But with my luck, it's real and I'll have to start over with a more crap life.

 

[hamvil]

I want to leave because I do not have anything more to do in this life. I did a little bit but then I fucked it up. But I am so scared to actually do it.

 

[Mr_House]

Thesis: Modern Society
Anti-Thesis: Reincarnation Theories

 

[Snatsbats]

Because i am hopeless, and i cant ctb because my brain tells me there is still hope. What if i meet a very sweet girl tomorrow that i am compatible with, what if i i get lucky tomorrow and get some great amount of money.

What if i wake up tomorrow and everything will be different, everything will change.

What if something drastic will happen tomorrow and the entire world will change for the better.

You will never know.

Fuck this shit!

 

[Hangnail]

My face is disfigured. I look totally different. I'm embarrassed to be seen by anyone. My reputation and the life I knew is gone. I can't stand being around my mom. She can't stand me either. She says she wish she never had me. I would be doing myself and my family a favor. No one cares. They just want me to get out of the house ASAP. My mom only cares about what I do for her reputation. My bf loves me. He doesn't want me to do it but he accepts he can't change my mind. He doesn't love me enough to want me around forever though. No one really wants me. I'm a burden. What's the point?

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

Pro:
- I'm 35 with nothing saved and barely scraping by.
- My husband lives in another country and USCIS has not started on our application yet (which I likey will get denied due to my income) and the wait is at least 15 months
- I have cptsd but cannot afford therapy or treatment
- My job gives me limited hours 25-30 but keeps dangling the carrot 40hr full time remote in my face but never follows through. I cling on because I can't find a better job that would give me hope of remote
- Suffering everyday with my life as is in poverty (prob won't get better based on my education level and unable to cope in higher stress jobs with lots of hours)
- working as a wage slave with no hope of a better future or being able to afford children before I'm no longer able to have one

Con
- My husband will be very hurt and sad
- My sister/father/nephew/ 2 other friends might care
- Might get the promotion or new job that allows me to move out of my high COL area

 

[BGooG]

I want to die because I don't see how things can get better in my life. My marriage is completely shot. I don't think it's my fault, but I still feel like a failure. I'm significantly unhappy everyday. I'm healthy, exercise regularly, have a good job, and friends. And yet I think about suicide constantly.

I don't want to die because I'm afraid of what it'll do to my daughter. She's already struggling herself, and I worry it'll push her over the edge. She's moving out to university next week, and I doubt she'll ever agree to come live at home again. I don't blame her. I hope it helps her. But if I kill myself, I'm afraid it'll open things up in her.

And I probably don't want to die because it's scary. You don't know what's on the other side. I don't think anything. So all that'll be left of me are my professional accomplishments, and my child. My wife will just go on cursing my name, so there's nothing there.

That's me.

 

[readyspaghetti]

I am ready to go. My dog keeps me here. I don't know anyone else who would be able to take care of him like I do.

 

[SorakaMein]

Im not afraid by any means. I make a lot of people happy with my music. Even this guy at the house I live in listens to my music. He's been really going thru it and has been blasting it lately. He baught a tapestry off my website and a lot of people wear my stuff in support.super young kids at the fair and in town see me point me out it's pretty cool actually. But what's fucked up is that the pain I put into the music isn't fun too me. It's actually really sad. And too know that my music could help someone through a situation is relieving but. In order for me to help I have to suffer. And it hurts. I think I have BPD. I've been told by my girlfriend and a close friend who has it and autism I show hella traits.
And everyday in my head really does suck. I hate it here.
I just wanna go back to being a nobody. Everyone knows who I am but I don't know anyone. And it seems other people know me better than I know myself.
It's also a reason I wanna stay. Because I love these people.
I hate myself and constantly am reminded of why and my heads so immediately negative. I'm gonna Ctb Impulsivley I assume. Much love peeps

I hope you will consider treatment or therapy, you still have those loving people around you.

As for me, i still want to stay because i still want to play more games, see and touch snow together with her, wait for her to come back (even i feel that its having a low rate)....

But at the same time i want to leave because the pain that im feeling is very unbearable. Very unbearable

 

[StolenLife]

I want to die because traumatic things happened in my childhood and circumstances were set in such a way that those things still affect every aspect of my life even outside of my head. I have no support system outside of immidiate family and even they caused some of those issues. I've waited for ten years to get better and it never did. Nothing keeps me here except the fact that I have to stay in med school for a bit longer in order to have access to the bridge. I'm going to be sad for the things I wanted to do with the mindset of old me but now I know that that person is forever gone and all that's left is a shell.

 

[makethepainstop]

Im not afraid by any means. I make a lot of people happy with my music. Even this guy at the house I live in listens to my music. He's been really going thru it and has been blasting it lately. He baught a tapestry off my website and a lot of people wear my stuff in support.super young kids at the fair and in town see me point me out it's pretty cool actually. But what's fucked up is that the pain I put into the music isn't fun too me. It's actually really sad. And too know that my music could help someone through a situation is relieving but. In order for me to help I have to suffer. And it hurts. I think I have BPD. I've been told by my girlfriend and a close friend who has it and autism I show hella traits.
And everyday in my head really does suck. I hate it here.
I just wanna go back to being a nobody. Everyone knows who I am but I don't know anyone. And it seems other people know me better than I know myself.
It's also a reason I wanna stay. Because I love these people.
I hate myself and constantly am reminded of why and my heads so immediately negative. I'm gonna Ctb Impulsivley I assume. Much love peeps

Oh god how I would love be semi famous as you are. There is always price for fame, sometimes that price can be very high and painful.

 

[Ashmedai]

The only thing that stops me is the fear of failing again suicide and damage my health remaining alive. And physical pain, of course. If I had a peaceful way I would be done in a few days.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Because life feels completely "empty" to me. Useless.

Reason to stay: food, my dog, my brother, weed, random bursts of feelings of happiness. Fear of failure, even though I have SN which I´m also scared will hurt.

 

[Hirokami]

My trauma and severe depression/anxiety as a result (plus some chemical imbalances I inherited from birth; mental illness runs in my family). I'm always going to be mentality fucked up because of what I went through and how I continue to suffer. I do have brief moments of being content, but they never last long. If I go, I know almost everyone will eventually move on and probably be better off in some ways. And I would want that, too.

Though, I'm here mainly because of my mom (the one person who I know would never move on from that; I would hate to do that to her) and two cats, though there are things I'd like to see play out to the end. As it stands, I'm at a equilibrium. And it's frustrating.

 

[goldseph]

thank you for making music for people, music is all i have and i really appreciate people like you

 

[weightedrocks]

I will never be a real woman, what's stopping me really is idk hope that it will get better? I don't want to bring down my family with me. They deserve better.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

1000 reasons to ctb . What's stopping me for now si, fear of failure , wanting to do 5000 things not focusing on one thing that would actually help me namely ctb

 

[Ilayis]

As crazy as it sounds, the thought of the unlikely possibility of being reborn and staring over again scares the shit out of me. Also screwing up and becoming a vegetable that can't move, speak or finish the job. Think Metallica One.

I just listened to that last night. Them live with the symphony orchestra

 

[Sparr0w]

reasons to die: i can never finish things, i drop them too quickly. i am a lazy fuck. i dont feel sad when people die. im half convinced that if i killed the person who means the most to me, i wouldnt feel a thing. ive tried living, but everythings hard and people demand stuff of me and every time i made a mistake i feel like shit. living just isnt worth it to me.

reasons to live: i dont want to make the people who care about me sad. i dont want to traumatise them by finding my body. i hate pain and im scared of failing.

 

[Escapee]

the reason i want to die is because life is no longer bearable for me my mind and body is under total control of someone else who make my sufferings go worse everyday i have no control over my mind and body and i want to escape from this person.

the reason why i'm still alive is unavailability of painless method fear of failing in my attempt and make my life worse than now .