Discussion Reasons for self harm

[OmoriFan]

Ive heard and seen people self harm as a form of punishment but I dont really see it that way when it comes to myself. To be quite honest im not sure of the reason I self harm. I know ive wanted to try it for a long time without knowing why. When I do it it feels kinda good and for some reason I think I just like to see myself bleed? Its just that every time i got injuried i hoped that I would bleed and I just found the concept of bleeding as something nice. I also like to just see those cuts heal slowly.

Does anyone have their thoughts on this matter? I am quite curious.

 

[theboy]

i used to cut my legs when i was a teenager. it felt painful but liberating. however, it is not a healthy way to heal as it hurts you mentally and physically. Strangely I would like to have more because I feel they look pretty.

 

[krxbs]

i feel similarly. i only self harm when i'm under extreme distress but it doesn't feel like a punishment. i am quite fond of my scars; i have some big burn scars on my arm with a lot of cuts overlayed on top of them. i know they're conventionally "ugly" but i wear them with... something like pride, but not quite. i do have to agree with theboy that they aren't healthy and i would never recommend self harming, but i'm too mentally ill for that lol. if you are as well, i'm not going to be the one to judge you. i guess i treat it kind of like smoking, in that i feel more free to talk about it with people that also do it.

 

[Unhumanly.]

Maybe my reason is mostly because when I learn that almost all dying process have some amount of pain in it, even the most "painless" death method I look up may have some small amount of discomfort

I tried various form of self harm, like bleeding myself out or intentionally making myself run out of breath, and consuming weird substances

I want to be ready to feel pain when I'm going to die, I know I just don't care about feeling pain anymore at that very point, if that's the cost for an exit I long for

 

[slightoverlooked]

back then i started it for punishment i think...im not sure but now it feels more like self care tbh. i like the feeling, i like going deeper and seeing blood. sometimes i still use it as punishment but tbh in my darkest days i remember sh bc i was bored. nowadays i sh when i am rlly stressed cuz it calms me down. its just addictive

 

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

i like to cut for different reasons
1. as you said a punishment. most of the time i feel a division inside of me, where the *true* me and the me that i hate appear. so i just like to hurt and punish that other me for everything it had caused me to go through
2. again as you said the bleeding aspect! i find it fascinating watching the fresh cut fill up with blood and then start bleeding.. maybe smear the blood around my hands hahah thats weird sorry
3. idk if you or anyone can relate but i really like the feeling of hiding my cuts. like a have a secret that no one knows. it gives me some pride even maybe wandering around with cuts underneath my clothing, feeling like if i suddenly removed the layers and exposed the fresh wounds the unsespecting normies would freak out hahah just kidding, not normies but probably mentally healthy people soooo yeah those are the reasons for me, i feel like in some way they do coincide with yours!

 

[OmoriFan]

i like to cut for different reasons
1. as you said a punishment. most of the time i feel a division inside of me, where the *true* me and the me that i hate appear. so i just like to hurt and punish that other me for everything it had caused me to go through
2. again as you said the bleeding aspect! i find it fascinating watching the fresh cut fill up with blood and then start bleeding.. maybe smear the blood around my hands hahah thats weird sorry
3. idk if you or anyone can relate but i really like the feeling of hiding my cuts. like a have a secret that no one knows. it gives me some pride even maybe wandering around with cuts underneath my clothing, feeling like if i suddenly removed the layers and exposed the fresh wounds the unsespecting normies would freak out hahah just kidding, not normies but probably mentally healthy people soooo yeah those are the reasons for me, i feel like in some way they do coincide with yours!

I know this is a late reply but ive been off from this site for quite some time

Im really grateful for your insight on this matter and am quite surprised about how our views are similar, though mostly im interested in your first reason, the thought of feeling a division inside of yourself is interesting to me (although i dont relate to it)

(We both already know that we agree on the second point)

And as for your third point! You did make me realize something, besides the fact that ive always liked injuries, the thought of thinking of self harm as a secret that i can be 'proud of ' is something that resonates with me, I often fantasize about my self harm, how it makes me fell better and for some reason it also makes me fell better than others.

still although i am aware its not normal to feel this way I dont really care, but I am glad to find similar to me people.

 

[1MiserableGuy]

My self harm trends are peculiar. Haven't in a long time. Always on impulse when feeling lowest lows. Never cut or burn. Usually just whip and hit and punch and throw things

 

[4am]

personally i used to do it just for fun

 

[Disappointered]

I did it as a form of punishment. I know some people do it for a sense of releasing tension and/or gaining control over their pain but for myself it was pretty much just as a form of punishment.

 

[Heartaches]

i feel similarly. i only self harm when i'm under extreme distress but it doesn't feel like a punishment. i am quite fond of my scars; i have some big burn scars on my arm with a lot of cuts overlayed on top of them. i know they're conventionally "ugly" but i wear them with... something like pride, but not quite. i do have to agree with theboy that they aren't healthy and i would never recommend self harming, but i'm too mentally ill for that lol. if you are as well, i'm not going to be the one to judge you. i guess i treat it kind of like smoking, in that i feel more free to talk about it with people that also do it.

I feel the same, honestly. I'm not ashamed of my scars, to me, they tell a story and have become a part of me; but I feel I have to hide them because people ask, start assuming things and estigmatize them. For me, they're akin to my trans and nonbinary siblings' top surgery scars; they make me feel human and keep me from dissociating too hard. I know some people cover them with tattoos because that's what speaks to their experiences and what they think is better for them, and I like that, I love seeing tattoos with personal, poweful meanings. But I don't think I could do that, my scars have become a part of my story and hiding them would make me feel inauthentic to myself and others. I wish sh scars weren't so stigmatized.

But I agree, I would never encourage anyone to self-harm or paint it as a good coping mechanism. I still do it ocasionally when I'm at my lowest because there's some comfort in the familiarity, because I feel some sense of control and can express myself without words, but it is painful, risky and affect how people perceive you very negatively; the process of healing can take days or weeks and some scars never truly go. You gotta be careful.​

 

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

I know this is a late reply but ive been off from this site for quite some time

Im really grateful for your insight on this matter and am quite surprised about how our views are similar, though mostly im interested in your first reason, the thought of feeling a division inside of yourself is interesting to me (although i dont relate to it)

(We both already know that we agree on the second point)

And as for your third point! You did make me realize something, besides the fact that ive always liked injuries, the thought of thinking of self harm as a secret that i can be 'proud of ' is something that resonates with me, I often fantasize about my self harm, how it makes me fell better and for some reason it also makes me fell better than others.

still although i am aware its not normal to feel this way I dont really care, but I am glad to find similar to me people.

its always nice to meet people who can relate to your experience! and regarding the so called "division" i dont think its something really complex or severe hahah, i mean probably at least some people on SS felt some part of them that wants to be normal or smth, as for me i just feel like there is some normie part of myself, a mentally ill part or maybe the illness itself hahah and the "me" the true self (???), so punishing other parts of me is like hurting them for being ugly or fat or wrong in the head and causing my true self troubles lolz i hope this makes sense

 

[fleetingnight]

Catharsis. I feel that, it makes me feel both better and worse