Reasoning on why im on this site

[owl_culture]

So I've always known about this sites existence but I decided to come on here and check it out after coming to the realization that my entire existence will be filled with suffering. From my toxic ex to my narcissistic father, I've realized that the people in my life have irreversibly fucked me up to the point where I absolutely loathe who I am as a person. I even got groomed by an 18 year old when I was 14 and ended up getting SA'd in class. That wrecked my perception on people and their motives for good.

My only friend is someone that I truly do love, but sadly, it's only platonic. And they've actually started going on dates with others and it's pretty much sealed the deal that I'm just unlovable in that aspect of life. It's either I get abused and seen as a target or I'm just incredibly off putting to people. (Which I get) My friend is genuinely a great person and I'm grateful for the time I've had with them, but at the end of the day, my hatred for existence far exceeds my love for them.

Don't even get me started on the idea of having to work a shitty job for 40 years. That shit kills your soul


I've had suicidal ideation since I was about 10 years old. And now almost a decade later, I've decided that I'm going to fulfill that dream. But it'll be after I create music. That's the one thing that kind of makes the pain a little more bearable. And I want to at least share my work to a community before I ctb.

 

[pointblank]

But it'll be after I create music. That's the one thing that kind of makes the pain a little more bearable. And I want to at least share my work to a community before I ctb.

Nice. What's the genre you're looking at?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand hating existence, my existence is just suffering as well, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the relief from pain you search for.

 

[owl_culture]

Nice. What's the genre you're looking at?

Prog rock/metal. It'll probably be adjacent to bands like opeth or dream theater

I understand hating existence, my existence is just suffering as well, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the relief from pain you search for.

I believe we'll eventually both find peace. So sorry you're also suffering.

 

[cherries.in.nyc]

So happy for you that you have art like your music to cling to. It's wonderful you still have aspirations. But I am so sorry to hear of the abusive individuals you have encountered as well.