Method reason for wanting to ctb and questions about a method

[theimortal1974]

1.5 years ago i had rectal cancer and had to get a colostomy bag. ever since then my life has been much much worse to the point of unbearable at times. just as it started to get slightly better i had to have hernia surgery related to my stoma (the intestine they had to reroute). now things are even worse and i can't eat the things i used to that made me feel better. i've lost activities that used to make me feel better because of covid-19. i live on my own in the very edge of town and the buses barely run so i'm basically house ridden out of fear for my safety (don't want to go into details). my mom is the only way i can go anywhere but she's old and if something happens to her either covid or just old age then i have practically no way to go anywhere. this last month has been a nightmare. people i used to trust betraying me left and right. this last week worse than a nightmare. i few weeks ago i found out i have spots on my lungs which i prayed was cancer so i had a way out but they can't tell yet cause they are too small. i'm terrified what will happen this november (along with a lot of people on this forum i'd imagine). and i can't trust most of my family because of it.

people keep saying things will get better. i don't see that at all. i'm already too afraid to live and later this year might make it terrified to live. i can't live another few decades like this specially with that damn thing on my abdomen causing me weekly problems if not more frequent.

now to the other point of this post. i have two bottles of opiods from my last two surgeries. i have 14 50 mg tablets of tramadol and 8 5mg tablets of oxycodone. i'm not thinking of taking them right now but i wanted to know what would happen to me if i took all of those at once and just laid down. i live by myself so no one will save me.

 

[EGR92]

whats happening in November?

 

[theimortal1974]

sorry i forget not everybody here is american. i don't really want to say because politics are usually the biggest no no's in any forum

 

[theimortal1974]

the only thing that makes any sense is that i died on the operating table 1.5 years ago for the surgery that gave me a colostomy bag and this is hell. nothing makes sense, nobody is acting like themselves and i don't just mean since the pandemic. everybody seems to be out to hurt me and that's not just paranoia. many many people actually have betrayed me. people i've known for a very long time and trusted. everybody including family make me feel worthless and unloved. when i had cancer everybody was super loving to me more than usual. then when the cancer went away instead of returning to normal they just went 100% apathetic like to hell with him all together.
please all i want to know is what will taking those drugs at once will do to me.

 

[theimortal1974]

what i'm asking isn't very difficult. will someone answer me.

 

[Living sucks]

No offense but ODs aren't very reliable and the fact you have a colostomy bag.. no one knows how much you'll absorb so how can we answer if this will work?
I'm sorry .. my gut is so bad i probably need a colostomy bag and I'm in a dilemma as to what will work also.
this isn't easy. If you search the words overdose and OD you'll see lots of threads about it. You need a LOT of pills and they should be crushed and in water. And usually you need an opioid to go with .. look at DDMP2.

 

[theimortal1974]

i'm sorry i didn't mean to be so impatient. i may have lung cancer. i won't know until august 6th, maybe not even then. i have tiny spots on my lungs. too tiny to be biopsied or light up in a pet scan whether they are cancer or scar tissue from my embolism last year. i know with 100% certainty that if it is cancer then i will not get treatment cause i have no fight left in me. also if i get covid-19 i won't be able to fight it anymore because what do i have to live for. the only reason i don't want covid-19 is because then my family will never see my body and have any choice what to do with me. i will die alone, which i would if i commit suicide, and scared out of my mind because the only people around me will be scary looking figures in hazmat suits.

 

[theimortal1974]

i'm actually glad i came here if for nothing more then to think that with some bowel removed i may not be absorbing like i used to. i need to talk to my surgeon and see what kind of colostomy i got and if it means i can't absorb my medications enough anymore and that's why i'm so worse than i'm ever been.