Venting Really want to ctb soon. Cant muster up the courage.

[deepsweetdiver]

I usually have lots to say when I open this site up, but I feel pretty numb right now so nothings coming up.

I want to ctb so badly. If I had the option to disappear into thin air this second, I would gladly accept. I can't physically stomach how my family would react. I am not a chicken, probably the actual act of ctb I can do but how my mom, dad, nieces, nephews, cousins, would react? I can't imagine the pain. Please someone tell me how to resolve these feelings. I just want some peace for me and my family.

 

[mirage]

I'm in a similar situation and I don't think there's an easy way around it. If they somewhat know how much you are suffering by being alive maybe that could help them understand your reason for doing it and slightly lessen the impact I guess? This is my thought with my family anyway.

 

[Idideverythingwrong]

I believe that once you do ctb those feelings will disappear completely.
You know you will cease to exist, your brain will shut down, it doesn't matter what you leave in this world because there is no more world for you.
It may sound selfish, but it is selfish to be dragged here without our consent and forced to live.