Realising you have been doing everything wrong

[ocdrowsy]

has anybody else came to a realisation they have been doing everything wrong or that they've been wrong?

I've been so depressed lately and im so fucking alone and everytime I feel this way I remind myself it is mostly due to my actions whether intended or not. As in like isolating myself so much because my thoughts and emotions make me feel guilty and undeserving, and thinking that people need to contact me or need to invite me out or talk to me otherwise it means they know that I am unworthy and treat me accordingly.

As i get older, i've began to realise that nobody really cares when you're suffering in silence, and maybe not because they don't care about you but that they don't know and are too busy with their own lives just as I am busy self wallowing to foster my relationships and give myself a reason to live my life

No one ever told me i was doing it wrong and I feel so alone, I feel like everyone understand this and I don't, I feel like everyone has something I don't and I feel so broken.

 

[NutOrat]

As i get older, i've began to realise that nobody really cares when you're suffering in silence, and maybe not because they don't care about you but that they don't know and are too busy with their own lives just as I am busy self wallowing to foster my relationships and give myself a reason to live my life

I don't know what else to add. This is the most painful truth for me. But the thing is, even when they do know, they have jobs, and chores, and are tired afterwards, they want to relax even a bit, and by the end of the day, even if there was some desire to help, they just ain't got the time or the energy to come up with how to help. They just keep wishing that I'll get better on my own.

 

[itsgone2]

has anybody else came to a realisation they have been doing everything wrong or that they've been wrong?

Yes. 100% yes. Very devastated by all of this. So sorry you're going through this too. It's unreal. I wish I could wake up from this.

 

[niki wonoto]

I basically just consider myself a failure. Honestly, from the outside, my life might look 'okay/fine/normal', but nobody knows that it's just a 'fake mask/smile' I wear when in front of people. Nobody even cares nor bother to ask 'deeper' emphatically. Sadly, human's nature somehow seems to always bring the worst traits, for example, being judgmental, & just 'simply judging' you negatively, without even bother a slightest little bit to try to understand where you're come from.

Heck, to be very honest, I don't even know what will happen to me in the next year, seriously! (if you know what I mean)

I even *HATE* the fact that people IRL (in real life), whether it's family, parents, friends, or someone/somebody else, might be able to (somehow) find what I just write here, and then, all they do is -again- just simply JUDGE ME NEGATIVELY !

I wish there's a 'red button' where I could just press... but unfortunately, reality is cruel (& shitty, & depressing)...

- from Indonesia -

 

[monetpompo]

As in like isolating myself so much because my thoughts and emotions make me feel guilty and undeserving, and thinking that people need to contact me or need to invite me out or talk to me otherwise it means they know that I am unworthy and treat me accordingly.

As i get older, i've began to realise that nobody really cares when you're suffering in silence, and maybe not because they don't care about you but that they don't know and are too busy with their own lives just as I am busy self wallowing to foster my relationships and give myself a reason to live my life

i woke up and i felt immediate despair because i feel like even if i try to recover right now, my life still feels aimless and like it's spinning out of control. i just want to be depressed and die some days because it's easier than having constant mental anguish and beating yourself up because of all the time you wasted while you were depressed. i self sabotage by saying i'm too stupid to do something like a new hobby and i tell people i'm a bad person that shouldn't be allowed to talk to them. i cut off all the routes that would make me feel like a human and do the thing that makes me feel worse about myself, because it soothes me more to fail.

i isolate all the time, then i feel lonely, then i feel like a burden for being lonely and want to isolate myself more. what do i have going on in my life that makes me a worthwhile person to talk to? why would anyone want to talk to me if i'm miserable and crying all the time about something i'm ultimately doing and perpetuating myself? no one has the time to care about me and nurture me all the time just because i have no one in my life. i'm just expected to bounce back to save people the trouble of caring. even if i'm aware that this is going on, i feel like it's something happening automatically and i just watch it happen like i'm not the one in control.

 

[ocdrowsy]

i woke up and i felt immediate despair because i feel like even if i try to recover right now, my life still feels aimless and like it's spinning out of control. i just want to be depressed and die some days because it's easier than having constant mental anguish and beating yourself up because of all the time you wasted while you were depressed. i self sabotage by saying i'm too stupid to do something like a new hobby and i tell people i'm a bad person that shouldn't be allowed to talk to them. i cut off all the routes that would make me feel like a human and do the thing that makes me feel worse about myself, because it soothes me more to fail.

i isolate all the time, then i feel lonely, then i feel like a burden for being lonely and want to isolate myself more. what do i have going on in my life that makes me a worthwhile person to talk to? why would anyone want to talk to me if i'm miserable and crying all the time about something i'm ultimately doing and perpetuating myself? no one has the time to care about me and nurture me all the time just because i have no one in my life. i'm just expected to bounce back to save people the trouble of caring. even if i'm aware that this is going on, i feel like it's something happening automatically and i just watch it happen like i'm not the one in control.

Fucking yes this is exactly what it feels like even when you try and better yourself the pain is all encompassing, everything is so fucking anxiety inducing and bleak that it feels safe to just stay in the feeling we know we have always had, but even when trying to be social I have all the questions in my head too and it's constant, i just want to be better. I understand how you feel