Ready to die, only thing keeping me alive is dinner…

[3FailedAttemptss]

My mom has intercepted my sodium nitrite before, so she's definitely watching me like a hawk. I actually have it in my hand right now, but I can't fucking fast. I don't know if she knows the protocol or if she's just guessing, but it feels like she's testing me. I want to die when the house is quiet, but I feel like I'm in prison. If I say I don't want to eat, it's going to raise alarm bells. It just feels so pathetic, like I'm ready to commit suicide, but I'm being held back by something as simple as dinner. Do I just wait? It just feels fucking pathetic like I am positively ready to die but every single day my mother makes dinner for me and it just breaks my fast and then I need to start over again. I have timers running on my phone counting down since I last ate but they always get broken.

TwT

I just wish she'd leave me home alone…

 

[scary]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but considering she has done it once before I think I'd be best to wait (as painful as that is) and keep your SN hidden.

If you aren't able to fast then the SN will most likely be rendered useless. Do you have any ability in the future to get away from your mom? I feel shitty just saying "find another method" especially since you already bought it and there are people on here who'd do anything to obtain SN but the protocol is important to having a successful suicide.

I live with my parents too and it feels impossible that I'll be able to ctb as well, so you're not alone in that regard. Again i'm sorry you're unable to ctb and I feel for you.

 

[malicee]

Maybe you can try staying up the entire night so the next day you'll be very tired so you can tell them not to wake you up for dinner. Or you can try taking your food with you to your room and just discarding it into some sort of bag.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

How long do you have to fast? Couldn't you use SN in the morning?

 

[Hehe_ducks]

Wanna talk? If I may ask why do you want to commit suicide?