I haven't done that, but I have hesitated in starting antidepressants because suicide is the only future planning I've done and I figured that if they actually worked I would have to plan my future for real. And when people say "go to the emergency room if you feel like you want to kill yourself" I just don't get it. If I want to kill myself, why would I go to a place that wants to keep me from doing so? Similarly, some people say "my pet keeps me alive", and although I love animals, that is precisely one of the reasons that make me hesitate to adopt a pet. I don't want yet another thing to keep me tethered to this shitty existence.
Yeah I tried going to er/a&e more than once. Was told by doctor (gp) to go if felt like taking all medication I had. Paramedics were lovely. Did as told and took meds with me. Explained this in triage. They didn’t take the meds off me. Sent me back out. Waited like three hours then got moved to ‘minor injuries‘ at which point I lost my shit, went into toilet and took the lot.
Walked to reception desk and calmly low-key but scathingly said what I’d done telling them ‘told you I would’ or along them lines.
Got put into cubicle, then heard them discussing me through that wafer thin curtain so last thing I remember was telling them that if they wanted to talk about me like I was an animal, could they at least do it where I couldn’t hear them. Spent minimum time there, no follow up, long story but yet another failed or useless intervention I have with that system.
As for meds, what a fun roulette that is to all here and OP. Personally I’ve tried the ‘harm reduction’ route with that ;) less as possible and experimenting a bit with self-medicating. All have some level of side effects, unique to all our bio chemistry don’t they. I did also as someone said ask for antI psychotics before my train crash summer manic episode partly down to lack of sleep for too long; they wouldn’t help then. When I crashed in September then started asking for help after refusing all Summer, then I’m put on waiting list. Have had 3 phone calls and now discharged despite my care plan actually saying has a plan that I could enact. That doesn’t even cover how I got told aged 47 that it’s bipolar (I realised in Sept myself)
Excuse the language, but actual bumbaclarts ;)
I know loads mean well. I aim that at the diagnosing and medicating gate keeping gods that are psychiatrists mainly. Not that I’ve seen many or often. Hardly ever.
Personally I now feel no medication can touch this really. Takes edge off but some of our suffering can’t be medicated away or ‘solved’ by either medical model lens, psychiatry or medication. Imo.
Hugs to all