Hello, yesterday I made a post talking about my fear of there being no afterlife. I got a lot of amazing responses, I thank you all for that, but a lot of them had one common theme. The idea that even no afterlife is enough to be content with death because that's a break from suffering. And it's made me realize how different I view life from a lot of you here.
I've been suffering from gender dysphoria (trans MTF) ever since I was 15. I was unable to get hormones/puberty blockers all throughout my teenage years and only now that I am 18, am I seeking HRT. But it's far too late, I've already lost so many of my teenage years living in a body that I hate, and now I only wish for death. Really, that's the only thing in my life that has turned me suicidal. I have a great future ahead of me--minus the growing anti-trans sentiments in the world--with things such as college and work looking like miniscule problems for me. This is where my suicidal ideation differs from a lot of you.
I am fine living through most of the pain, anguish, and suffering that the world brings. I would love to live my life through the ups and downs, highs and lows. But the one pain that is unbearable for me is my gender dysphoria. I hate looking at my body and wishing it was different. Not that I could lose a couple pounds or have a sharper jawline, but my entire sex be transformed into female. Hips, genetalia, facial structure, all of that. That's why I so badly want there to be an afterlife where I can do whatever I want. My dreams aren't filled with having superpowers or being ultra rich, I simply want to be a normal girl.
That's pretty much it. I intended for this to be more of a vent rather than a discussion, unlike my last post, but if you have any questions or comments I'll be online to read them.
I've been suffering from gender dysphoria (trans MTF) ever since I was 15. I was unable to get hormones/puberty blockers all throughout my teenage years and only now that I am 18, am I seeking HRT. But it's far too late, I've already lost so many of my teenage years living in a body that I hate, and now I only wish for death. Really, that's the only thing in my life that has turned me suicidal. I have a great future ahead of me--minus the growing anti-trans sentiments in the world--with things such as college and work looking like miniscule problems for me. This is where my suicidal ideation differs from a lot of you.
I am fine living through most of the pain, anguish, and suffering that the world brings. I would love to live my life through the ups and downs, highs and lows. But the one pain that is unbearable for me is my gender dysphoria. I hate looking at my body and wishing it was different. Not that I could lose a couple pounds or have a sharper jawline, but my entire sex be transformed into female. Hips, genetalia, facial structure, all of that. That's why I so badly want there to be an afterlife where I can do whatever I want. My dreams aren't filled with having superpowers or being ultra rich, I simply want to be a normal girl.
That's pretty much it. I intended for this to be more of a vent rather than a discussion, unlike my last post, but if you have any questions or comments I'll be online to read them.
