Yuki K
Student
- Mar 9, 2023
- 122
I joined a voice chat today, and people kept referring to me as a girl even though I am not. I'm a transgendered man without any testosterone taken or any surgeries done. So yes I do look and sound like a girl and it's obvious people aren't gonna take me as a guy just like that. And honestly it's not their fault. Incidents like this just spike my will to ctb so much more like it's crazy. I'm from a third world country and earn a very low income and I cannot afford testosterone or surgery and even if I do get these done, I'll still never be able to change my biological makeup, chromosomes and shit like that. Like I thought my life was going pretty good these few days. But these small incidents just make me want to ctb. I thought I had overcome my will to ctb and self harm but today the will to ctb was at its peak and the urge to cut my arms and legs and let all my blood out was tremendously high but i controlled myself. I mean this is the reason I want to ctb in the first place because I was born in the wrong body, wrong gendered body and I can never actually alter or change it. I believe in reincarnation so I wish to be reincarnated after my ctb into the right body. But then again my life was going well, I was doing good at work, got a promotion, started playing badminton because I love badminton so I was basically enjoying life and then this happened.I dunno how long I can go on like this. I dunno what's the correct course of action. Thank you for reading such a long rant. Really appreciate it!
