tiredcat
tired
- Nov 6, 2023
- 42
this website provided me some sort of comfort a while back. so i stayed for a bit, but then i eventually started to get anxious of my partner finding out i was on this site, and me being weird about something on my phone or laptop would probably lead him to assume other things, so i stopped.
i got a job, but that's really the most progress i made. though i feel okay most days, the days where i feel like i do right now make me regret ever saying anything before i tried to ctb last time. i feel like my emotions are erratic when im like this, going from empty, to extremely suicidal, to unreasonably angry all within 10 minutes. all to just laugh it off after.
i feel crazy. i don't feel stable. i want to do therapy again but i can't even bring myself to call my insurance because of how withdrawn i've become from the rest of the world other than my intermediate family and partner.
the things i want to do are so far out of reach yet im constantly told i cant complain because i don't do anything to change my reality. all i can say is "i know." because i know what i have to do to get better, i just choose not to because even if for a day i feel like i could actually do something, i get brought back down eventually.
i genuinely hate myself so much i'd rather rot than try to be happy.
i hate this shit
i got a job, but that's really the most progress i made. though i feel okay most days, the days where i feel like i do right now make me regret ever saying anything before i tried to ctb last time. i feel like my emotions are erratic when im like this, going from empty, to extremely suicidal, to unreasonably angry all within 10 minutes. all to just laugh it off after.
i feel crazy. i don't feel stable. i want to do therapy again but i can't even bring myself to call my insurance because of how withdrawn i've become from the rest of the world other than my intermediate family and partner.
the things i want to do are so far out of reach yet im constantly told i cant complain because i don't do anything to change my reality. all i can say is "i know." because i know what i have to do to get better, i just choose not to because even if for a day i feel like i could actually do something, i get brought back down eventually.
i genuinely hate myself so much i'd rather rot than try to be happy.
i hate this shit
