Venting Random venting ig

[thetruetato]

At this point, I have attempted suicide and failed more than 30 times. I see no real future for myself and I have no friends or social connections in my life. It's been well over a year since there was one full day where I didn't want to die. And yet I can't even succeed in doing the thing I think about over and over every single day. Metaphorically similar to supercooled water, well past the freezing point but still a liquid because it has nothing on which to form crystals and freeze. I wish I had access to a gun or some other painless method so I could end my suffering.

 

[Ozzyno]

Well yea the problem is going away painless, I think most of us on this site would already be dead if it was that easy.

Some of us don't want to hurt their families and some other are just too scared of doing it.

 

[thetruetato]

Well yea the problem is going away painless, I think most of us on this site would already be dead if it was that easy.

Some of us don't want to hurt their families and some other are just too scared of doing it.

Honestly I would be okay with a non-painless method but they tend to either have low success rates or fail if SI kicks in. I have tried full suspension hanging in the past but couldn't bring myself to kick the chair far enough away from me. A good example of a non-painless method that doesn't require you to overcome SI is cyanide. It can cause death very quickly from oxygen deprivation but unlike SN it cause a panic response from the suffocation.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to painlessly free myself from all the suffering, it feels so cruel to me how I cannot just have the option to die in peace and never suffer again. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[thetruetato]

At this point I'm starting to just feel like I'm not supposed to exist, like a moldy loaf of bread unfit for any purpose yet still rotting away in a cupboard. For a while now I've been planning to overdose on adderall and drink a bunch of cough syrup (the dextromethorphan will interact with the adderall (dextroamphetamine) and would likely cause serotonin syndrome or a heart attack) but I think it's very risky as there's a high chance I just get brain damage and survive (which I think is probably the worst possicle outcome), but as of right now I don't have access to any other methods of ctb that are nowhere near as likely to kill me. For now I'm mostly just keeping it as a last resort but I don't know what else to do.

 

[8hsjyd]

At this point I'm starting to just feel like I'm not supposed to exist, like a moldy loaf of bread unfit for any purpose yet still rotting away in a cupboard. For a while now I've been planning to overdose on adderall and drink a bunch of cough syrup (the dextromethorphan will interact with the adderall (dextroamphetamine) and would likely cause serotonin syndrome or a heart attack) but I think it's very risky as there's a high chance I just get brain damage and survive (which I think is probably the worst possicle outcome), but as of right now I don't have access to any other methods of ctb that are nowhere near as likely to kill me. For now I'm mostly just keeping it as a last resort but I don't know what else to do.

I'm truly sorry to hear of your circumstances. Nevertheless, for your own sake, I'd like to reaffirm your sentiment that overdosing is extraordinarily risky and very rarely successful.

See the following thread where both of your drugs are mentioned, albeit individually. In the cases of both medications, hundreds and hundreds of pills at standard OTC doses would need to be taken, and even then the rate of fatality is only at the 50% mark.

Why ODs Fail Miserably (A Guide)

There's still a lot of questions and inquiries about ODs, and people asking about what things may facilitate a successful attempt. Let's be clear, ODs are rarely fatal. Why? For a couple of reasons: (1) modern medications are designed to be very safe, as manufacturers aim to avoid deaths that...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Perhaps, if things are not hugely intolerable at this exact moment, it may be of benefit to continue holding it as a last resort and otherwise waiting things out. In spite of life's difficulties, I wish you the best.