Venting Random vent — pretending to care

[anonymouswebuser]

I just need to get this out of my head so I can go on with my day but there's a certain someone in my life that I just have complicated feelings for
they know that I'm bpdtistic (and mentally ill in general) and that I want to be gone but I don't have a plan yet I did have a failed attempt before and that person knows about it but ever since then I've been afraid of trying any method so I'm currently passive suicidal
they're just pretending to care or are showing care for their own conscience, when I told him about my failed attempt he ignored everything and all his reaction was "Damn it, You really scared me, don't try it again" I'm not even kidding he didn't even put any effort in showing that he cares even though he was crying the day before when he knew I was gonna do something to myself. he was just relieved that I'm alive so he doesn't have to carry the guilt that he didn't stop me or that he didn't show support when I gave clear and obvious signs screaming that I'm not fine and I left therapy and that pisses me off so fucking much
what's even funnier is whenever I vent to him—when he's the one who asks and offers to me to vent to him— I don't remember one time he actually fucking replied afterwards what's the point of asking me to when you're not going to reply back? that's basically journaling, I can do it on my own
the only time he replied was so pathetic all he could ever say was "There's nothing worth dying for" well lucky for you, you're not me.
you didn't even try to understand what I was telling you
and in front of everyone else he has the audacity to say "talk to me, I'm not the type to shrug you off" well I'll be damned I guess I'm just too fucking dumb to understand what kind of invisible support you're showing, you don't want to talk to me when I'm feeling low you just like chatting when I act fine.
yet when I found out he was crying I immediately went to comfort him that I tried to kill myself

what a strange world.

 

[ilovenoodles]

that's really weird of him and I'm sorry it's like that, it really does seem like he's just doing all this to save himself from the guilt by just doing the bare minimum - not even replying to your vents too after he suggested it??? "I'm not the type to shrug you off" don't even start omds, I understand your frustration and I really hope things get better and he at least does care about you yk, all that must suck so bad :( glad you finally got it out though <3