Random Thought: People should have to engage a program before having children

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I grew up with an abusive mother who, quite frankly, is my reason for wanting to CTB. Although she is dead the scars live on and sadly I dont think I will live for long because of it. One the outside, she looked like the perfect mom. She put on a smile, acted positive, and always talked about me in high regard. Typical loving mother. Or so they thought. Nobody saw her behind closed doors. No one say the verbal and physical abuse she put me through. No one knew how I wanted ot kill myself at 13 because I thought she would murder me. No one knew or cared

So many parents are silent abusers behind closed doors. This is not to assume every parents/adult is an abuser per say. but abuse is sadly common and so is child abuse. Despite many people talking about children being innocent and loving, some are the very same people who abuse children and don't even realize it

Many parents were also abused and were not able to discern abuse from love. Others have horrible coping skills and take it out on their children. And its the children who suffer. Though, my opinion wouldnt be taken seriously by many people. I think there would have to be a mass murder/suicide of children and teens due to parental abuse for people to want to say "I think we have a problem".

Nobody wants to take responsibility and its children who suffer.

In my sucidie, I hope that people will understand why I chose to die. They hopefully will understand that I did not want to be "saved" or "helped" as they journey to become "healthy" is hell in and of itself. Some people just aren't able to heal and thats ok. the more we accept that we cant behearoes to everyone suffering from mental health and trauma, the happier everyone will be. And maybe through that, more people would wanton try in the first place. But thats just me. Stupid opinions.

 

[Life_and_Death]

your story reminds me of a song called dollhouse, not so much the events but the whole "hiding behind closed doors" you dont really know thing

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I totally agree with you. I honestly believe that this stuff is the root cause of *most* of the problems in the world.

I know that all parents love their children and that they're just doing their best, but we all need to start putting the rights and needs of children before those of their parents. Children are most likely to be abused by their parents, and adverse childhood experiences like abuse and neglect are the leading indicator of depression and suicide in later life.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I totally agree with you. I honestly believe that this stuff is the root cause of *most* of the problems in the world.

I know that all parents love their children and that they're just doing their best, but we all need to start putting the rights and needs of children before those of their parents. Children are most likely to be abused by their parents, and adverse childhood experiences like abuse and neglect are the leading indicator of depression and suicide in later life.

I disagree that all parents love their children. I believe some genuinely do, but I believe many are incapable of love and have children for selfish reasons.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I disagree that all parents love their children. I believe some genuinely do, but I believe many are incapable of love and have children for selfish reasons.

yeah typically im try to be positive but in this case......im sorry but some really dont. the child was a mistake and thats all they see in some cases

 

[Ghost2211]

Im sorry to hear you were put through that. my Mom was like that too.

There's no real way to screen for having children. I for example have no history of mental illness, and I've always been a "good mother", then life happened. Now my little ones have a depressed mom that loves them very much, and cares for them regardless of mental status, but they get to see a depressed parent. A depressed parent is not healthy for children, and will contribute to the odds of them having depression issues. I would never harm them intentionally (I don't hurt or berate), and I stay alive only For them. The fact of the matter is my 8 year old has had depression issues for years now.

I agree most people should not have kids. They never know when they are being harmed. They only see how much I love, support, and care for them. They can't see how much my depression and health issues will effect their lives.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Your mom sounds just like my dad was. My own mom was abusive as well to a certain extent, but not as much. I think in her case, it was just her lashing out after my dad screamed at her over something stupid, like he always did to everyone else. As much as he has contributed to my problems, in his defense, I will mention that he was the product of a generational cycle of abuse. My grandpa did the same thing to him and my great grandpa before him. I know that if I was to foolishly have children now, then the cycle would continue because I would be a horrible father just like mine was.

No amount of trying would convince other people who knew my dad that he was abusive towards me or my sister. On the outside, he seemed like a genuine and caring person and since that is all they ever knew, they aren't going to want to listen when someone says anything different. He doesn't seem to be as bad now, but it's really hard for me to trust him.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I totally agree with you. I honestly believe that this stuff is the root cause of *most* of the problems in the world.

I know that all parents love their children and that they're just doing their best, but we all need to start putting the rights and needs of children before those of their parents. Children are most likely to be abused by their parents, and adverse childhood experiences like abuse and neglect are the leading indicator of depression and suicide in later life.

The first part I agree with a lot. I think many peoples trauma and issues can be traced back to abuse. Be it bullying or child abuse, often time trauma in childhood is the culprit

Your mom sounds just like my dad was. My own mom was abusive as well to a certain extent, but not as much. I think in her case, it was just her lashing out after my dad screamed at her over something stupid, like he always did to everyone else. As much as he has contributed to my problems, in his defense, I will mention that he was the product of a generational cycle of abuse. My grandpa did the same thing to him and my great grandpa before him. I know that if I was to foolishly have children now, then the cycle would continue because I would be a horrible father just like mine was.

No amount of trying would convince other people who knew my dad that he was abusive towards me or my sister. On the outside, he seemed like a genuine and caring person and since that is all they ever knew, they aren't going to want to listen when someone says anything different. He doesn't seem to be as bad now, but it's really hard for me to trust him.

I feel this. My mother was, though I am not 100% but I believe it might have happened, was molested by a family friend as a child. She was abused by various family members and my grandfather was a monster. My grandmother left her with family whom she trusted, not knowing that they would torture my mom even making her sleep outside because her skin was too dark.

I mean, we can have sympathy for their pain, but I feel when you become a parent you need to get real

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Parenting has gotten more complicated for sure in recent years. The rate of social and technological growth means that the growing-up conditions from one generation to the next have been quite different. Parents clearly don't understand a lot of things about how their children are growing up, and while some parents adapt to this well others do not at all. On top of that, some people just aren't capable of handling children and being mature enough to not let their own feelings hurt their children.

Honestly I think some kind of test is a nice thought, but because of how having children is seen as a fundamental part of being a living human it would be hard to restrict it without upsetting people.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I disagree that all parents love their children. I believe some genuinely do, but I believe many are incapable of love and have children for selfish reasons.

I dont disagree with you, but its complicated.

My mother was depressed when I was growing up and most of my depression links back to her somehow.

I know she loves me, but I also feel that she doesn't love me and never really did.

She cares about me, she tells me she loves me, she likes doing things for me, etc... but also she makes everything in my life about her, she never asks me how I'm feeling (like literally not once in the past 10 years), shes only rarely been there for me when I needed her.

I know shes always done her best, and Ive even talked to her about *her* childhood and her difficult relationship with her mother, but that doesnt change the fact that she couldn't give me what I needed.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I dont disagree with you, but its complicated.

My mother was depressed when I was growing up and most of my depression links back to her somehow.

I know she loves me, but I also feel that she doesn't love me and never really did.

She cares about me, she tells me she loves me, she likes doing things for me, etc... but also she makes everything in my life about her, she never asks me how I'm feeling (like literally not once in the past 10 years), shes only rarely been there for me when I needed her.

I know shes always done her best, and Ive even talked to her about *her* childhood and her difficult relationship with her mother, but that doesnt change the fact that she couldn't give me what I needed.

I can also relate. I think in some ways my mom might have loved me. I remember days where she wasn't mean, days when she was calm. She was actually likable and I think even felt guilt for things she did. But she was too far gone to make a change it seemed.

Parenting has gotten more complicated for sure in recent years. The rate of social and technological growth means that the growing-up conditions from one generation to the next have been quite different. Parents clearly don't understand a lot of things about how their children are growing up, and while some parents adapt to this well others do not at all. On top of that, some people just aren't capable of handling children and being mature enough to not let their own feelings hurt their children.

Honestly I think some kind of test is a nice thought, but because of how having children is seen as a fundamental part of being a living human it would be hard to restrict it without upsetting people.

This is sadly true. Many people view having children as a right to life. And I believe its toxic. I mean, if nobody had kids then the population would be doomed (then again is that really a bad thing? Sometimes I wish humanity was destroyed tbh). Then again, many people have kids because they feel they have to and the children become a burden in their eyes. Im not sure what the answer is, all I know is that there are many children suffering like I did with no one do anything

 

[casctb]

I relate to a lot of what you said. I don't know if my parents were abusive when I was a child but growing up I didn't feel loved at all by anyone which has severely fucked me up mentally. I realize now my parents probably love me but the mistakes they made in my childhood (being reactive and dismissive, not talking problems out, etc.) are irreversible and made me so resentful of life and people. I felt alone for so long. I appreciate much of what they do for me and are better now but the damage has been done already. Also I think they had a similar effect on my older sister who was even worse than my parents and is probably the most responsible for me feeling unloved.

 

[melp]

The economic success of the investment and the rate of return is uncertain. The world is trying to be stable enough to move forward. Making people aware, honest, and good is not evolutionarily stable. That's just it.

I know the condition well when you just don't want to. But it changes too often with me and I hate it. Everyone should have a choice and everyone should be forbidden to oppose someone's will to commit suicide. It's your decision and it should be free. You should think about it, but it would be appropriate to have a legal and simple method, humane and socially acceptable.

After all, it should never be the case that a man who wants to end his suffering has to be scheming, trying, begging, lamenting and hysterical. It is a terror and a scare for the masses, it is the inhumanity of society and the suffering of many. For those who rule the country and maybe the world, everyone is just a number, meat or cattle. I don't have the strength to change that, at least not now. I'm the two extremes that are trying to eliminate each other. I would like, I really would like people to be given at least some freedom, the possibility to decide about their lives, or the end of them. Human though modest, but not stressful living conditions and some friends, but loyal. There are so few people who can love you, care for you, help you choose the direction and give you the support that will make you independent. That's all we needs, and so few get it.

Proper training of people on many issues and diagnostic tests can really build a new, healthier society. It's always been a good idea, but it's easy to say.

I just want you to let yourself choose. If what you do is your choice, I don't think I understand. That way, unfortunately, you'll never get rid of that huge emotional baggage. People are guilty of so many things, I stopped counting.

I've had short episodes of many different mental states. If I try, I can relate somehow. Try to believe me, that the unstoppable emotions that drive you are only your enemy. Those people who hurt you and maybe still do in so many cases were not entirely bad and ruthless, but unfortunately you are in a big mess caused by them. I really don't want people to have to be in a situation where they even doubted the possibility of ending their lives. Here, for me, the evil of this world is too much to be emphasized.


Ps.
I wasn't supposed to write it, that's what I decided in the morning, but somehow I wanted to get it out of me. I have such a little comparison. You often arouse such emotions in me. It is as if you are bleeding out slowly and meticulously, but you are not conscious of it. You are just bleeding metaphorically, you are flooding with pain. If it is reflected physically, it is too sad to describe. If not, you either have big problems or are so bent over. Try not to walk on your knees with your head down. Being at the point that you don't even want to raise your hand to turn out the lights, even though you can is the quintessence of the nonsense of it all. Just a side effect of the fight for money.

 

[Life_and_Death]

A depressed parent is not healthy for children, and will contribute to the odds of them having depression issues.

i dont completely agree with this. my mother clearly has problems even though she never told me and i honestly believe that if she had of put in an effort and had been honest with me, i wouldnt have the disorders i do today. i think for a mentally ill parent to have a child they need to be in a place of recovery with help from others. they should also be honest with the child because if they see mommy or daddy is having a bad, thats all they will understand. but if you explain it to them then they will understand why mommy or daddy is having a bad dad and therefore know that none of it is their fault

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

a test is nice in theory, but i don't know how well it would work, since people can always lie or have kids anyway.

i don't think some parents realize that their 'parenting' is actually abuse, as they've been raised that way, and their culture normalizes it. or they do realize they're being abusive, but simply don't care. they never make an effort to break the cycle because they never want to acknowledge that they're in the wrong, and it's sad.

 

[melp]

Use test, but not paper. Scanning areas of the brain and interpreting them would probably be a much more reliable answer.

 

[Ghost2211]

i dont completely agree with this. my mother clearly has problems even though she never told me and i honestly believe that if she had of put in an effort and had been honest with me, i wouldnt have the disorders i do today. i think for a mentally ill parent to have a child they need to be in a place of recovery with help from others. they should also be honest with the child because if they see mommy or daddy is having a bad, thats all they will understand. but if you explain it to them then they will understand why mommy or daddy is having a bad dad and therefore know that none of it is their fault

I've explained to the 8 year old in a way a child that young can understand, but the other two are 5 and 2. It would be a greater harm to them to be away from me than to deal with my depression, as they see me as a safe and caring figure. There are many parents with minimal levels of mental illness that really do try their best to be the best person and parent they can be. Sadly, it's really easy to mess kids up.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I've explained to the 8 year old in a way a child that young can understand, but the other two are 5 and 2. It would be a greater harm to them to be away from me than to deal with my depression, as they see me as a safe and caring figure. There are many parents with minimal levels of mental illness that really do try their best to be the best person and parent they can be. Sadly, it's really easy to mess kids up.

i didnt say it was easy. actually my mental disorders is the reason i decided YEARS ago that im not going to have a child. im terrified of turning into my mother

 

[Ghost2211]

i didnt say it was easy. actually my mental disorders is the reason i decided YEARS ago that im not going to have a child. im terrified of turning into my mother

I can relate to that feeling. My mom was bipolar, and it was hell. A lot if my parenting choices are driven by not being her. Life can just throw us some wild curve balls from time to time. I was never suicidal till my narcissistic ex showed his true colors, and I'm trapped now. Now the little ones are here and time can't be turned back.

I suppose if some awesome brain scanning system was in place he wouldn't be a dad, but there's still all the people who develop mental issues due to trauma during life, and after kids are already in the picture.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I can relate to that feeling. My mom was bipolar, and it was hell. A lot if my parenting choices are driven by not being her. Life can just throw us some wild curve balls from time to time. I was never suicidal till my narcissistic ex showed his true colors, and I'm trapped now. Now the little ones are here and time can't be turned back.

I suppose if some awesome brain scanning system was in place he wouldn't be a dad, but there's still all the people who develop mental issues due to trauma during life, and after kids are already in the picture.

sadly all you can do is hug them and help them anyway you can. thats another thing to. i also think that if i had of gotten help back when i was 15 and i asked my mother for it (which she promptly "forgot") i wouldnt be where i am now. i find depression to be like a bully, constantly repeating things, and like a disease, where it just keeps spreading and getting worse. but if you catch it early enough and start to treat it, its not as hard too.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I agree. I realize how my childhood has shaped me and essentially set the stage for me to be completely screwed as an adult. All I saw was anger and fighting, my dad never paid me attention and he was emotionally distant and mean verbally to both me and my mom. My poor mom...she tried...she has tried so hard but she is depressed also and it was hard growing up with a depressed mom who treated me like a friend because she had no one. I feel terrible and I have held off on ctb because of her but idk how much longer. In contrast my current partner had quiet parents who never fought and we're not depressed, mean or angry...he is a very well adjusted functional person and I'm far from it. I think my dad has always hated me...the other day he said "just do it" when I begged him to help me because deep down I don't want to ctb.

 

[StupidLizard]

Agreed fully.

 

[AnnonyBox]

Yeah, having grown up with negligent and sometimes abusive parents, I think people should have to have some kind of education and license to reproduce or adopt. It would also help to cut down on the insane overpopulation too.

 

[Bauhaus]

Yeah, having grown up with negligent and sometimes abusive parents, I think people should have to have some kind of education and license to reproduce or adopt. It would also help to cut down on the insane overpopulation too.

Like a friend once said to me: "For everything you need a license: if you want a job you need a school license, if you want to drive you need a driving license. But when it comes to children, even the biggest retard is allowed to procreate."
Realistically speaking though, I dunno if it would be possible to enforce some kind of test.

 

[Tabbyql]

My mom literally sed in one of her suicide notes she "wished she cud love me and my siblings but she cant" I've had flashbacks of buying her presents all the time wen I was a kid, now i realise it was to try and make her love me. She should of not had us or adopted us out.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i know it violates basic human rights but i have to agree. i've heard too many horror stories of terrible "parents" kinda makes me sick