canyounotbesad
Member
- Mar 19, 2024
- 32
I want to kill myself; I've wanted to do so for 11 years now, and I've even attempted a few times. The longer this thought remains with me the more analytical I get with it. I don't see it as a crime of passion or desperation; it's a choice. It's a choice I may make if I found myself in a bind with no way out. For instance, if I was to lose my job, I'd most likely kill myself. I live in an expensive city alone, no family/friends to really lean on, and I'm still working for some sort of degree. Could I possibly come out on the other end ok? Possibly but it's more likely for me to end up on the streets and I'd rather die. I don't think I have the fortitude to survive that especially since I don't have the fortitude to go through what I am now. I have to get surgery soon and am unable to take myself or uber home after; I have to have someone pick me up and check in on me thereafter. Asking for the help is hard enough but to be met with "oh I have XYZ" is hurtful. I understand people have their own life but it's still frustrating when I seem to be the go-to when people need help. But I digress.
With how the world is, why is suicide seen as this unbelievable thing? Is it really hard to see why someone who loses their job and home would kill themselves? Does it matter if they kill themselves? People like to say "but think of your friends and family', have they thought about me? People say suicide is selfish but isn't as selfish to ask someone who is suffering to stay around and suffer because you don't? And you know they won't lend themselves to someone suffering for longer than they're comfortable with. Why am I made to feel guilty of a choice to end my own life? I'm going to die anyway so why does it matter?
The more I look into suicide the more I step away from the edge but I keep it in mind like an ultimate out. Life is filled with suffering, but why must I play into it? I didn't get a say in being born, at least give me a say in when / how I die.
Anyway this probably makes no sense, I'm just rambling
With how the world is, why is suicide seen as this unbelievable thing? Is it really hard to see why someone who loses their job and home would kill themselves? Does it matter if they kill themselves? People like to say "but think of your friends and family', have they thought about me? People say suicide is selfish but isn't as selfish to ask someone who is suffering to stay around and suffer because you don't? And you know they won't lend themselves to someone suffering for longer than they're comfortable with. Why am I made to feel guilty of a choice to end my own life? I'm going to die anyway so why does it matter?
The more I look into suicide the more I step away from the edge but I keep it in mind like an ultimate out. Life is filled with suffering, but why must I play into it? I didn't get a say in being born, at least give me a say in when / how I die.
Anyway this probably makes no sense, I'm just rambling
