Raised by Narcissists threads

[Gabbi_Station]

Sometimes I browse "raisedbynarcisissts" online and I constantly see the argument that you should essentially "live well" to spite your parents and not cbt.

Every time I see this argument, I wonder, what's even the point? Even if you are successful, you'll still be vilified by your parents and siblings. You'll still be viewed as a failure. You'll spend the rest of your life dealing with your parent trying to come back into your life all the time…

I doubt it actually really hurts the parent that much that you "don't talk to them".

Like I just keep thinking- if I cbt, I wouldn't have to care ever again. Who cares what they say at my funeral or if they paint me as the "bad egg", who ruined their lives? Who cares if they do some weird perpetual martyrdom?

Like, at least you get to be done with all of it. I don't even care about spiting them anymore or "living some great life" to get back at them and I think the older you get, the more you realize that's just a facade anyway. The harsh truth is- they don't care about you and never will, no matter what you do.

Isn't it nice to just be done? To just know you will never have to worry or think about any of it ever again. To stop basing yourself on if your life is "better" than there's?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not that I'm meaning to encourage suicide but sometimes I contemplate the positives of it even. I didn't have narcissistic parents but, I believe one of my family to be one/ have strong traits. They were the reason I developed ideation to begin with.

There is a part of me that feels comforted that if I come to do it, some of my closest friends will know where it all started and, others may well suspect.

I think a suicide can also reflect poorly on a family. Not be entirely rescripted as being something they have to endure but maybe just as easily- something they caused to begin with. A peep behind their mask. That feels like retribution in some way if- to some extent, they end up being blamed. If indeed, it was their doing to a larger extent.

 

[MissAbyss]

"Living well is the best revenge."
- George Herbert

I understand the euphemism, however this does not apply to a narcissists. A real narcissist doesn't care if you live well or ending yourself. At the end it's all about them, that's what the disorder is all about.

Trying to expose them by taking your own life will likely backfire. Now you gave them even more fuel, probably for the rest of there pity soulless lives. They will bend reality into being the biggest victims of all time and now everyone will feel sorry for them.

People should never live well or cbt out off spite to want to get back at someone in general.
Both choices should be made completely for yourself at all times based on autonomous values. Something which a sh!tty narcissist doesn't possess in first place.

 

[Kitsuné_]

We are the baddies of the movie

But my parents are not narcissistic. i got a perfect education from them, and i became narcissistic anyways

I've been thinking all my life i was trash because if this, until one day i realized it was not my fault, and for some is not even the fault of their parents. Our brain wired differently between the age of 2 and 4 and thats all.

This is one of the reasons im antinatalist. Everything can go wrong in so many ways

 

[MissAbyss]

We are the baddies of the movie

But my parents are not narcissistic. i got a perfect education from them, and i became narcissistic anyways

I've been thinking all my life i was trash because if this, until one day i realized it was not my fault, and for some is not even the fault of their parents. Our brain wired differently between the age of 2 and 4 and thats all.

This is one of the reasons im antinatalist. Everything can go wrong in so many ways

Well, at least you're self-aware. So that means you have the ability to change and therefore a choice just like everyone else.

 

[Silver The Hedgehog]

I doubt it actually really hurts the parent that much that you "don't talk to them".

yup. If you're gone, they will just find someone else to use. Even if you're not in their life they will use your name to gain sympathy for themselves. There's no winning either way, you will always be used one way or the other. At least if youre dead you wont have to witness it

 

[Gabbi_Station]

yup. If you're gone, they will just find someone else to use. Even if you're not in their life they will use your name to gain sympathy for themselves. There's no winning either way, you will always be used one way or the other. At least if youre dead you wont have to witness it

Yeah- honestly I would rather cbt, since that's what I want anyway…then constantly try to live and hope my life gets better so I can "prove" to my parent that I was actually "worth" something…

 

[cryptoinvestor]

so I can "prove" to my parent

Not worth it, they'll take credit for whatever good you do. in their eyes, you're just an extension of them

 

[telekon]

i think if you are going to live a good life, it should not be to spite anyone but just for yourself. my parents kept trying to come back into my life when i was at the height of my career/happiness in life and i made the horrible mistake of letting them back in. fast forward a couple years they don't even care to come back into my life anymore and i wouldn't ever consider it. letting them back in the first time absolutely decimated everything i had. i used to have pretty bad psychosis and i was cured until i allowed my mom back into my head that first time. now i have nothing and no one and it was just a big mistake.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

i think if you are going to live a good life, it should not be to spite anyone but just for yourself. my parents kept trying to come back into my life when i was at the height of my career/happiness in life and i made the horrible mistake of letting them back in. fast forward a couple years they don't even care to come back into my life anymore and i wouldn't ever consider it. letting them back in the first time absolutely decimated everything i had. i used to have pretty bad psychosis and i was cured until i allowed my mom back into my head that first time. now i have nothing and no one and it was just a big mistake.

so sorry, yes they definitely destroy mental health